From Baskar With Love
by Hypes
Summary: Carradine. Gallows Carradine. The cast of the first 3 Wild ARMs and TV band together for the ultimate James Bond spoof as agent 003 Gallows Carradine must stop the evil agency P.R.O.P.H.E.T! Can 003 save Filgaia? RR!
1. Casino Royale 1954

**I: Casino Royale (1954)**

            Alarms rang off, filling the white hallways with red light and blaring noise. Smoke crept out of round doorways and fire flickered amidst the chaos. In this hallway there stood a tall, strong man in a black tuxedo, armed with a small hand ARM. He had dark skin, green eyes, large lips, and long brown hair with a white streak through it. Another man was kneeled before him on the floor, clutching his bleeding chest. He was short with a white ponytail and cold blue eyes. He was dressed in a black skin suit with leather strapping around it, covered in his own blood.

            "You truly are an admirable foe, but you'll never win. You may have managed to defeat the Riflemen, but the Morning Star is still active!" The wounded man spat.

            The tall man reached into his pocket with a free hand and pulled out a small detonator. He grinned. "Not likely."

            The look of horror appeared across the wounded man's blue eyes. "H-how!? It's impossible!"

            "Nothing's impossible, Rhoad, just improbable." The tall man snickered.

            Rhoad clutched his chest tighter; he could feel his last moments were coming. "My dreams… Tell me… your name, so that I know who destroyed the spacecraft Morning Star and my …revolution…."

            The tall man swiveled the ARM in his hand and turned his back to the dying nemesis. "Carradine. Gallows Carradine."

007 Trumpets blasts

** *

            Melody walked across a strange backdrop of the Millennium Puzzle Dimension, clad in the smallest bikini ever made. Following her was Virginia, in a white one piece, Lady Harken, dressed in a simple bikini, and Marina, dressed in a one piece. Melody turned to face the other three. She could tell they were embarrassed.

            "You do remember what were supposed to be doing, right?" Melody asked, scorn in her eyes.

            "Yea… its just so chavenistic…" Marina replied.

            "Come on girls, dancing is fun, especially when there's a giant gun to dance around!" Virginia cheered.

            "Hoo boy… here we go…" Harken sighed.

            The lights dimmed and the girls became silhouettes, who all began to dance mysteriously and rather erotically to music.

From Baskar With Love

_-The unofficial Wild ARMs Bond spoof-_

By Hypes 

**SECRET AGENT MAN** - Johnny Rivers (P.F. Sloan / S. Barri)  
  
~There's a man who leads a life of danger  
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger  
With every move he makes another chance he takes  
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow  
  
Secret agent man, secret agent man  
They've given you a number and taken away your name  
  
Beware of pretty faces that you find  
A pretty face can hide an evil mind  
Ah, be careful what you say  
Or you'll give yourself away  
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow  
  
Secret agent man, secret agent man  
They've given you a number and taken away your name  
  
------ lead guitar ------  
  
Secret agent man, secret agent man  
They've given you a number and taken away your name  
  
Swingin' on the Riviera one day  
And then layin' in the Bombay alley next day  
Oh no, you let the wrong word slip  
While kissing persuasive lips  
The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow  
  
Secret agent man, secret agent man  
They've given you a number and taken away your name  
  
Secret agent man!~

            Suited men and women of all types stepped out of the way for Gallows Carradine as he walked the red-carpeted path to his boss's office. He passed the many migrant symbols on the stonewalls and smiled to every women along the way. His tux was in perfect fit, but it didn't seem to help his charm, for all of the women simply nodded or turned away. Gallows frowned. Being a secret agent was harder than he thought. He reached a large wooden door and opened it, throwing his exquisite coat to the rack in the corner of the room.

            "Looks like your back Gallows!" exclaimed Virginia, the receptionist, as she sat typing on the old western equilivent to a computer (i.e: a typewriter.)

            Gallows grinned and attempted the secret agent charm. "Just another hair-rasing adventure in space involving madmen and a satellite. Just normal stuff babe."

            Virginia continued to smile and nodded. "That's good to know. Mr. Valeria is expecting you, double o three."

            "Already. Damn, that was fast." Gallows stepped towards the door once more and then stopped, confused. "Wait a minute, I thought Maya was president."

            Virginia nodded. "She is."

            Seeing that was all he was going to get out of the honey haired girl, he shook his head and walked in, one hand in pocket.

            Virginia sighed. "He's just so suave…"

            Gallows immediately rocketed out of the room and up to Virginia's desk. "Who? Me?!"

            Virginia shook her head politely and took a picture from her desk. "Agent 002, Jet Enduro." Virginia sighed again. "It's such a shame he had to die in that underground lair explosion one year ago…"

            It was Gallows turn to sigh, but not for the same reason. It was Mr. Enduro's absence that caused him to be the next super secret agent, but somehow he was lacking all the "coolness" of the former agent. Grumbling, Gallows turned back to his boss's room.

            Or should it be three bosses? Gallows sweated a little at seeing three respectable adults all shouting and fighting over a broad ornate desk. Gallows shook his head and walked forward, meeting the desk and taking his seat in a chair nearby.

            "Ah, 003, you're back!" Professor Emma, a young women with spectacles, light skin and raven dark hair commented, pulling herself away from the brawl.

            "Don't you 'Ah, 003 you're back' him! I'm in charge!" Maya Shroedinger, a feisty blonde woman with blue eyes and a suit dressed to kill pulled on Emma's hair.

            "Hey! I'm the one giving commands! This IS the Valeria Chateaux, you know!" Irving Valeria, a crutched man dressed rather sharply with long flowing gray hair shouted.

            Gallows nodded in response and grabbed a shot of whiskey from the local butler, Todd. Gallows downed it in one, but found it rather unpleasant. "Ung. I thought I said, shaken, not stirred!"

            "You don't stir whiskey, Mr. Carradine…" Todd replied.

            "…Oh, right…" Gallows smiled.

            "I'm President remember! You voted me in the last fic so I'm boss!" Maya reasoned.

            "This isn't exactly a sequel, you know. If it was, than this series went down pretty fast…" Emma crossed her arms, matter-of-factly.

            "Stop with the shameless advertising! Look, let's just get to business!" Irving shouted.

            The two women turned their back from him and put their chins high. Irving sat down behind the desk and clutched his hands together most elegantly. "Good morning 003, it's good to see you back."

            "Of course. Those villains and their satellite was no problem at all-"

            "Yea yea yea, we know. Look, a new threat to the world has risen and we need you to help stop it. For Queen and country!" Irving interrupted.

            "PRESIDENT!" Maya slammed her high heeled foot upon Irving's head.

            "!? What's the mission chief!?" Gallows was eager.

            "First of all, stop being excited! That's not how 002, would have been at all! Calm and suave!" Emma waved her finger disapprovingly.

            "The new mission is like this. You're familiar with the evil agency **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**, right?" Valeria asked.

            "Yea, but I never figured out what that was an acronym for…" Gallows scratched his head.

            "**P**eople **R**udely **O**pposing **P**eople's **H**eroes… that's all we got…" Maya shrugged.

            "Anyways, your mission objectives are simple. Eliminate **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** at all costs." Irving continued.

            "Is there a reason you have to bold it every time you say it?" Gallows asked.

            "CALM AND SAUVE!" Emma roared in Gallows face. Gallows gulped and remained silent.

            "ANYWAYS, this mission is huge, so you'll be teaming up with our new agency, the **A**gile **R**emote **M**issions **S**quad, or **ARMS**." Valeria said.

            "You mean after these ARMs?" Gallows pointed to the gun he had in his hidden holster.

            "No, ARMS means ARMS!" Irving replied.

            "You mean these kinds of Arms?" Emma asked, pointing to her limb.

            "No! Arms means weaponry!" Maya scolded.

            "NO! ARMS is **ARMS**, the **A**gile **R**emote **M**ission **S**quad!" Irving demanded.

            "There's that bold type again…" Gallows whistled.

            "This is going to be confusing. From now on, ARMs…" Emma pointed to a gun. "Are guns."

            "Yes, and arms are limbs." Maya nodded.

            "That's just stupid." Irving retorted. "We'll stick with guns everything else is the same."

            Suddenly the door opened and Alfred walked in, carrying a tray with one wine glass upon it. He walked up to Gallows and offered him the drink. "Martini, shaken, not stirred."

            "Thanks." Gallows smiled.

            "Wait a minute! You're dead!" Maya pointed out.

            "Hey, this isn't really a sequel!" Alfred shrugged and walked out.

            "So, who are my new team mates?" Gallows asked. He wasn't crazy about the idea, only because chicks dig the lone wolf type.

            "You'll have to find out for yourself on the riverboat, Sweet Candy. They'll be waiting for you there. Just use the password 'I'm a diphead.'".

            Gallows spat all of the martini across the red carpet. "WHAT?!"

            "That's the password. Now, if you'll please. You must meet "C" for your weaponry." Irving concluded.

            "Wait! I'm the inventor! What's going on!" Emma waved her arms.

            "Ah, what a fine use of arms!" Maya laughed.

            A small knock was heard emanating from the desk. Surprised, Irving opened his desk drawer only to see Clive Winslet leap out. Clive Winslet was a tall man dressed in a long red jacket. He wore glasses and had green hair. He leaped across the table and promptly thanked Irving for allowing him passage.

            "Looks like the passage works well enough." Clive smiled, dusting off his coat.

            "Are you 'C'?" Gallows asked, standing out of his chair.

            Clive nodded. "Yes, I'm C, the head of our weapons development program, or ARMS development!"

            "Hey! We've already gone through this!" Irving growled.

            "I'm the inventor!" Emma scowled.

            Clive dug into his jacket pockets and dug out a large briefcase. He placed it upon the desk and allowed Gallows to step closer for examination. "You see what we have here for you is a portable cargo unit, equipped with dual pin hinges here and leather surface textures for stylish, yet durable looks. It has two locking mechanisms seen here that must be pressed simultaneously in order to open, preventing theft."

            "If someone doesn't do it at the same time, do knives come out or does it explode?" Gallows asked, looking for something cool.

            "No, it just doesn't open." Clive replied. He pressed the two locks at once, opening the briefcase and taking out what appeared to be a pen. "What this is for you is a scribing utensil, fashioned with a small metal dull point dabbed in ink that comes out from the foramen here once this switch atop is pressed like so. In order to save ink, you should click it once more in order to pull the point back inside the main chassis."

            "Hmmm. What happens if I click it more than once." Gallows asked. "Will a laser come out or will it spray liquid nitrogen?"

            "No, you'll just annoy somebody." Clive answered; he then put the pen back and pulled out a small flip mirror. "Our next item is a light refracting display that will reflect any light passed onto it back."

            "In other words, a mirror." Gallows guessed.

            "Exactly. My, you could be a scientist!" Clive laughed. "And that should conclude your briefing.

            "Wait!" Emma shouted. "I got a great gismo for you!" Emma ran forward, but tripped upon Maya's out stretched foot. She fell and a black sphere she was carrying slipped from her hand and rolled out into the hallway.

            "Hey look! A ball!" Altacea, an elegant yet somewhat empty-headed woman with no real point in the game except to serve lunch and become a human sacrifice to the Kuiper Belt, leaned over and picked it up. In a flash she was gone.

            "Heh heh, oops… mini black hole…" Emma swallowed.

            There was nothing but silence.

            "O.K I'm leaving now!" Gallows put on a fake smile.

            "Great! Talk to Virginia for your tickets to the ship!" Irving said equally as fake.

            "All right, will do. Buh bye." And with that, the great secret agent 003 was gone…


	2. Dr No

**II: Dr. No**

"This has got to be the worst spy equipment ever. 'C' sucks." Our hero, 003 secret agent Gallows Carradine mumbled as he lugged a briefcase with him to the riverboat docks. Upon finding several women type there, Gallows reminded himself to be "cool and suave" as his predecessor, the famous 002, had done in times gone by. 

            "Excuse me sir!" A man dressed completely in black from head to toe ran up to Gallows.

            "You trying to steal my style?" Gallows asked, indicating the black.

            "No! The difference is that I make this look good. The name is Boomerang." The man with the motorcycle helmet extended his hand. "And this is my dog, Lucied."

            Gallows looked down the man's leather clothing to see a small dog resembling a German shepherd excitedly wagging its tail. "Uh huh… What can I do for you Mr. Boomerang?" Cool and suave…

            "First, are you secret agent Gallows Carradine, sent by ARMS to destroy **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**?" The tall man in black asked.

            "Yea, that's me! …wait! Oops…" Gallows slapped himself in the face.

            "Well then Mr. Carradine, I'd like you to meet my little friend!" In a flash, Boomerang (hehe, Flash Boomerang…) presented his little dog to Gallows, waving his little paw with his massive hand. "Hewwo mishta shecwet Agent!" Boomerang playfully pretended to be the dog.

            Gallows nearly fainted. He wiped his forehead with a handkerchief and coughed. "Just who are you Boomerang?" Cool and suave…

            Seeing his puppy wasn't getting anywhere, Boomerang put Lucied on the ground and crossed his arms. "I am Boomerang, a member of **P.R.O.P.H.E.T **who excels in dealing with radioactive boomerangs. Note why my body is completely covered in black leather."

            "Your dealing with radioactivity burned all of your skin hideously?! That's awful!" Gallows was shocked.

            "No, it just looks cool. The chicks dig me." Boomerang replied. "Ain't that right hoes?"

            A bunch of rabid fan girls appeared at his side in an instant, covering him in their bodies. "Damn straight sucka."

            "Awww Yeaaa…." Gallows said in a deep voice.

            "And now we must fight. Ready yourself, Mr. Carradine." Boomerang taunted.

            Quickly, Gallows pulled out his small PP7 (Golden Eye r00|_z!) and fired, sending a bullet flying into Boomerangs stomach. Boomerang fell to the ground.

            "I… didn't mean JUST THEN! Haven't you… ever played an RPG before?" Boomerang quivered.

            Suave and cool. "Uh… yea." Not suave and cool.

            "Lucied! Sick 'em fer daddy!" And Boomerang died.

            The German Shepard growled and hissed, baring its teeth as it approached the agent. Gallows stepped back, but found he was at the end of the pier.

            "God Damnit!" Gallows grunted. The German Sherperd was changing, forming into a purple wolf with spikes sticking out of her like a pin cushion.

            "Ye hath slain mein lover! Now Thou muth die!" Lucied roared.

            "You and Boomerang? Eww, beastiality." Gallows cringed.

            Not even bothering to reply, Lucied leaped upon the agent as some snazzy jazz began to play. The boards underneath Gallows black dance shoes broke, sending them both into the river.

            "Unleash the River!" Someone cried out in a deep voice and threw Gallows a scuba diving kit and a harpoon gun. Gallows gave many thanks with a roguish grin and dived underwater to swim around the sunken Spanish pirate ships. Lucied was still around, and had managed to grab a spiffy underwater propeller boat and was now searching for Mr. Carradine.

            Gallows looked up from a hole in a boat and saw Lucied skim by. He readied the harpoon gun and fired, sending a stream of bubbles rocketing into his face, while the harpoon (with strings attached) went sailing into the propeller boat thing. Lucied had time to just let go as an enormous explosion exploded through the river depths, sending the piers above flying into the sky. Gallows pried a crab off of hi visor and swam towards the surface when a purple claw ripped him under. Gallows punched the wolf in the face, receiving a blow from the wolf right after. It was like a boxing match from hell that was underwater at the same time and that involved a strange wolf guardian thing. Finally, Gallows gave a good punch and was free. The agent swam towards the surface, leaping out as any dolphin would, and climbing aboard the nearest hovercraft.

            "That was naughty." Gallows quipped before receiving a blow to the head from behind. Gallows spun around to see a charming woman. It must have been the blow. He shook his head and found an old ugly woman in a black cloak accompanied by a gray cat with wings. "What did you hit me for you old bat?"

            "Hey, aren't you secret agent types supposed to be suave and cool, like that 002 fellaw was?" Georgia, the woman, asked.

            "That's only when it involves beautiful women and villainous…uh, villains!" Gallows said.

            "Whatever. Hey mac, aren't you heading for the Sweet Candy?" The cat, MacGregor, asked.

            "Yea, why?"

            "Cus it's leaving port." MacGregor motioned behind him and the giant paddle wheel riverboat Sweet Candy was pulling off.

            "OH NO!" Gallows screamed in a rather high pitch.

            "If you pay us, we'll take you right to it!" MacGregor smiled.

            "No thanks. I'll just commandeer this vessel. For Queen and Country!" And with that, Gallows pushed the two off and jumped to the helm, where he immediately began pursuit.

            "Well that went well…" Georgia said as she and the cat drifted along on a board.

            "Oh shut up!" MacGregor fumed.

            "Who would of thought all of this just trying to get to the ship? Well, that's being a secret agent for you!" Gallows remarked to himself.

            BAM! Gallows turned his head around to see an enemy hovercraft following him at top speed, and the driver was Lucied, firing away with some sort of gun. Gallows frowned and veered right, where an abandoned ramp was laying ever so conviently for someone to make a jump. But before he could, his stunt double had to be switched in.

            The hovercraft flew through the air after taking the ramp, but Lucied was not so fortunate, and her hovercraft slammed right into the Sweet Candy's paddle wheel's, being crushed in an instant. Gallow's bright yellow hovercraft landed neatly on the top sun deck, which made it easy for Gallows to be switched back in.

            Gallows stepped off and tossed the keys to the nearest boat worker. "Park it somewhere and I'll leave you a tip." Cool and suave.

Jazzy music. Aww yea…


	3. Goldfinger

**III: Goldfinger**

            The Sweet Candy inside was lit with warm colors, accenting the red wallpaper, red carpet, and brass slot machines and green pool and poker tables. The boat was filled with all sorts of wealthy folk in their finest suits. Gallows grabbed a whiskey shot off a passing waiter and sipped it, trying to be suave and cool as the famous 002 Jet Enduro was in the days before. For the most part it seemed to be working, even though he was dripping with water and was bruised and beaten. He even managed to grab the attention of several ladies, who giggled and blushed when they caught him looking back.

            "Now this is the life." Gallows sighed happily as he sat down. So many folk were walking about; it was a chore to think who would be his partners. He really didn't feel like telling everyone on board he was a dip head. That would be the opposite of cool and suave. "I wonder how 002 would have done it…"

            "Gambling." A voice said to him.

            Gallows nearly jumped out of his chair when the small voice reached him. He turned around, aiming the PP7 at a small, blue talking rat.

            "002 would have done it by gambling." The rat squeaked once more.

            "What the?! It appears someone has lost their talking blue rat…" Gallows scratched his head with the barrel.

            "My name is Hanpan and I've been sent by ARMS to help you, 003!" The mouse squawked angrily.

            "It's too obvious! Must be a trap!" Gallows confirmed. "And a trap usually involves lethal substances, such as poison, knives, or… EXPLOSIONS!"

            "…What?" Hanpan tilted his blue furry head in confusion.

            With much force, 003 grabbed Hanpan by the scruff of the neck and rushed to the restroom, where he kicked open a stall and held the mouse over a sparkling toilet.

            "Only one way to get rid of bombs, and that's through the plumbing!" Gallows said.

            "Eep! Wait! I'm not a bomb! I'm an agent! STOP I SAY!" Hanpan pleaded.

            "No amount of talking can move 003. The wind may blow as it likes, but it cannot stop the passage of time! Say hello to P.R.O.P.H.E.T. to me!" Gallows flung Hanpan into the toilet and flushed with all of his might, despite the high-pitched screaming of the wind mouse. In a matter of seconds, Hanpan found himself swimming underneath the vessel in the river with the rest of the "waste"…

            "Crises averted." Gallows clapped his hands together and walked to the marble sink, where he would be busy washing his hands. Gallows closed his eyes and let the smooth feeling of running water caress his strong hands for a moment before suddenly having a relevation. "GAMBLING!"

** *

            Agent Carradine sat himself at the nearest table, which was filled with all sorts of people: old, young, in between, and even some who weren't human at all. Uncle Gob noticed the new player and grinned a toothy grin. "You game meathead?"

            "That's diphead to you mister! I'm such a diphead." Gallows said smugly. Cool and suave.

            "Aye of course you are." Uncle Gob retorted, sending him a card.

            "What are we playing?" Gallows asked, hoping his password had worked on somebody at the table.

            "Go Fish." An elderly man said. "And I've got a queen and an ace."

            "Hey new comer. Did you just say you were a diphead?" A small woman who was excessively "pail" (like Scarecraft was.) and wearing a black cape and a blue hat asked.

            "Yes that's what I said. **I'M A DIPHEAD**!" Gallows said as loud and clear as he could.

            "Yea that's what I thought." The woman looked back at her cards.

            "Now Marivel, that's no way to treat someone." A small, purple, floating cat like thing said.

            "Ah! A pooka! Get it away from me!" Marivel screamed, kicking over the table and diving behind it.

            Uncle Gob leaped back and reached for a radio. "P.R.O.P.H.E.T Agent Uncle Gob here. There's a loose moose in the hoose. I repeat, there's a loose moose in the hoose."

            Marivel leaped from her position, pulling twin uzi's from her waist pack and blowing Uncle Gob away with such unnecessary violence. She turned to the pooka and narrowed her eyes. "New comer! Get the pooka!"

            Gallows readied his PP7. "Are you ARMS?"

            "I'm a Diphead if yer askin! Get the pooka! If he's here, that means that **HE'S** here!" Marivel screamed.

            The pooka turned to Gallows. "Hello. I am pooka, I have no self, I am merely Pooka."

            "Gah! Scary!" Gallows leaped back a bit. "What kind of horrid black magic is this!?"

            "It's mine." A small boy came down the stairs as all of the other boat goers began to evacuate (running and screaming, of course.) "You must be 003 of ARMS."

            Cool and suave. Go for it! "…no… you have me mistaken… for some…one …else…" Gallows gulped. Nope, not cool nor suave.

            "Well then. I am Tim, P.R.O.P.H.E.T agent. It seems you've come to crash my party. Come Pooka." The boy, Tim, called.

            Marivel stood up as the Pooka returned to hovering idly over Tim's shoulder. She looked to Tim, and then to Gallows. "I'm Marivel Armitage, Agent "Crimson Noble". ARMS, of course."

            Gallows nodded. "Pleasure to meet you. 003-"

            "Gallows Carradine. We can save introductions for later." Marivel turned to Tim, letting her long blonde hair sway over her shoulder. "We've got an agent to take care of."

            "Two against one hardly sounds fair. Let's even up the odds." Tim laughed. "Nuo Shax! Come to me and lend me your volts of doom!"

            "This doesn't sound good." Gallows stepped back.

            "Let's just peg him right now!" Marivel shouted.

            "A great warrior once said to me 'Haven't you ever played an RPG before?'" Gallows replied.

            "Crap." Marivel sighed.

            "So where are the others, while we're waiting for his FP to go high enough to summon…" Gallows asked.

            "They must have missed the boat. Don't worry, we'll meet them at the next stop." Marivel replied.

            "Good. Oh crap, I'll have to say that stupid line again…" Gallows frowned.

            Suddenly, Tim disappeared and the roof was torn away, revealing a strange giant lion like guardian thing. It roared as it ran across the clouds, sending bolts o lightning behind it. Gallows readied the PP7, but for some strange reason felt it wasn't going to work. Marivel stood as tall as she could (which wasn't really high) with a smile on her face and hands on her hips. The lion came dashing towards them, running across sky and sending bolts o lightning willy-nilly.

            "Aport!" Marivel suddenly gained a large frying pan and slammed it into the lions skull. Nuo Shax fell to the ship right before them, tilting the boat on one side.

            Tim reappeared, along with Pooka, confident they had succeeded, but soon found their ultimate failure. "Wha wha what!? This can't be!"

            "Tim!" A tall, built man wearing a captain's uniform ran in. "No.1 wants us to return immediately!" The man then looked at the destroyed casino. "OH MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CASINO?! MY POOR BABY!"

            "Relax Bartholomew. It will be A-O.K." Tim replied. "We'll do as told."

            "You're not going anywhere, P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents!" Marivel stepped towards them, uzi's bared.

            "Your frying pan may be strong, but you'll have to do better than that to catch me." Tim sneered.

            Tim suddenly found himself being lifted into the air by the collar of his shirt by 003, who looked at him curiously. "You'll never know what kind of freaks P.R.O.P.H.E.T has up its sleeves. Who's number 1?"

            "Bart! Help me!" Tim called.

            "Eep! You're on your own kid!" Bart ran to the blown out wall and leaped overboard into the river. 

            "I'd talk if I were you." Marivel laughed.

            "There's a bomb on this ship. If it goes over fifty-five, we'll all blow up." Tim stated.

            "…huh?" Gallows and Marivel were confused.

            "Or when I press this detonator!" Tim pulled out a detonator from his pocket.

            "BOMB!" Gallows immediately let go of Tim and backed off.

            "I'm invincible!" Tim laughed.

            "Crap! Whenever someone says that-" Marivel started.

            "You know someone's gonna blow! Let's get the hell out of here!" Gallows leaped over the side of the ship.

            "Oh real cool and suave 003…" Marivel sighed before leaping over.

            "Tim! Why'd you say THOSE words?!" Pooka gulped.

            "…oh…I said those words?" Tim blinked.

            "Yup."

            "Then lets get out of here!" Tim grabbed Pooka and leaped overboard as well, just as those words uttered went into effect. The entire casino ship exploded, sending a fiery cloud hundreds of feet into the twilight sky, and gold coins of Gella rained down into the river…


	4. Thunderball

**IV: Thunderball**

            Super (apparently not so) secret agent Gallows Carradine wrung out his black jacket upon a dry and dusty shore out in the middle of the Filgaian desert. He grumbled as Marivel (who was completely dry, oddly.) strutted about, trying to determine where the Hyades they were.

            "You know, big ass explosions seem to follow me like a shadow or something…" Gallows uttered.

            "That comes with being a super agent, 003." Marivel replied, not turning to look at him.

            "I heard that cool vehicles and chicks were supposed to come with it…" Gallows sighed, standing up and stuffing the wet jacket in the secret agent briefcase, leaving him in his white button up shirt.

            Marivel turned towards Gallows and stamped her foot, visibly pissed. "Aren't I a woman!"

            Gallows eyes her. She had the body of a very small, petite teenager. "…not exactly…"

            "Aport!" Gallows fell to the ground with an enormous frying pan resting upon his noggin. Marivel scanned the green wide river, looking for answers. "We should continue south. We'll come across Guild Galad that way."

            Gallows propped himself up, ignoring his bloody forehead. "Guild Galad, the sky scraper city?"

            Marivel blinked and grinned. "Yea, that's the place. Why, haven't you been there? I thought you were supposed to be classy."

            "I'm classy!" Gallows stood up, scratching his rear.

            Marivel sighed. "I see."

            "Is the rest of ARMS in Guild Galad too?" Gallows asked.

            "Yup. Though **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**'s not too far away. The secret plans I saw on Tim's ship mentioned something about it…"

            "Would you know WHO they are?" Gallows asked, interested.

            "Not a clue." Marivel then began to walk. "Let's go!"

            Gallows growled. This wasn't very secret agenty. Who ever heard of a secret agent who had to actually walk somewhere?

** *

            "I'm hungry. I'm bored. I'm tired. I'm thirsty. I need to go to the bathroom. Are we there yet?" Gallows ended a long train of very annoying items.

            "APORT!" Marivel shouted and Gallows fell to the ground again, frying pan in face.

** *

            "And this one time, I was traveling by sandcraft and we were attacked by this Rhonney Frown guy, and man was he ugly, huh huh huh." Gallows was carrying on a rather boring story.

            "Aport." Marivel said, knocking the Baskar out cold once more.

** *

            "~You other brothers can't deny

            When a girl walks in

            With an ity bity waist

            And a round thing in your face

            You get-"

            "Aport."

** *

            "Seventeen thousand, nine hundred, and thirty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, seventeen thousand, nine hundred, and thirty-seven bottles of beer-"

            "Aport."

** *

            "Hey Marivel, do you know that Diahhrea is hereditary? Yea, cus it runs in your genes! Get it, genes-jeans!?"

            "Aport."

** *

            Night came and the two were camped by the river, letting a small fire burn into the night, roasting fine caviar and finger sandwiches filled with water cress and fine ham.

            "Hey when you're a secret agent, you gotta eat sophisticated." Gallows remarked.

            "Mmmhmmm, but it's missing something…" Marivel stated.

            "Piano music, lounge waiters, and loads of beautiful women?" Gallows replied.

            "No, something that we Crimson Nobles need…" Marivel gained an evil smile upon her face, one extended canine slipping between her lips.

            Gallows gulped. "Hey, I know all the women want to take a piece of me, but I don't respond well to blood sucking."

            "Oh c'mon! It'll be just a few CC's!" Marivel leaped over the fire.

            "A few?! I need that blood! It keeps me well nourished!" Gallows crawled back a bit.

            "It'll be painless. I'll just insert my fangs here near the brachiocephalic vein, right here." Marivel placed a pale finger near Gallows right clavicle.

            "When I signed up for this, no one said anything about this!" Gallows leaped to his feet. "I don't think 002 had to deal with this!"

            Marivel turned her head and sat back down in place. "That 002 sure was something."

            "Yea, I hear that a lot." Gallows groaned, sitting back down, though a ways away.

            "Because it's so true." Marivel blushed, thinking of Jet Enduro. "What a man…"

            "Okay…" Speaking of 002, cool and suave… "What were those plans you found about anyway?"

            "**P.R.O.P.H.E.T** wants to get there hands on some kind of machine there, but I didn't get to read what it was…" Marivel said.

            "You think it could have been some kind of hot dog cart or a vending machine?" Gallows asked.

            "Most likely, but it could be a doomsday devise." Marivel stated..

            Suddenly, flying over the ridge behind them, came a black helicopter. The two turned, watching the fire vanish as waves of sand came over them.

            "That's a P.R.O.P.H.E.T chopper!" Gallows shouted.

            "Correct Mista Carradine!" Came a voice from the chopper, a spot light turned on, focusing on the two agents. "My name is Dakota Sierra! Drop your weapons and you'll be killed with the utmost care!"

            "Not much of a choice…" Marivel sweat dropped.

            "How about YOU drop your weapons and we'll kill you with the utmost care?!" Gallows shouted back.

            "Because I have the chopper!" Dakota shouted back.

            "_Because I have the chopper! Mwh mweh mweh!"_ Hallows mocked.

            "Hey! Stop that!" Dakota shouted. "It's not very nice!"

            "_Hey! Stop that! It's not very nice!"_ Gallows stuck out his tongue.

            "DIE!" Suddenly a missile fired off, flying into the ridge and exploding, sending a fiery shockwave around the riverbank.

            "We gotta do something!" Marivel shouted.

            "How they keep finding us!?" Gallows spat.

            "Did C give you anything useful?!" Marivel asked.

            "Hmmm, that spot light... If only I could reflect it. C, you're a genius!" Clive then whipped out the leather briefcase and flung it with all of his might at the helicopter. The briefcase didn't even make it high enough and fell back to the sandy shore.

            "Great job 003." Marivel sighed.

            "Hahahaha! This will be easier than making cameos in storis that aren't even related to DriftWings!" Dakota laughed.

            "Oh yea! Eat this!" Marivel stuck two fingers in her mouth and blew as hard as she could. In a moment, the earth shattered as Quebley, the giant drill bot, appeared. The massive eye glanced around, trying to find something to kill. "Look up!" Marivel shouted.

            Quebly tried to look up, but his eye couldn't see the helicopter right above him. Shrugging it off, Quebly just decided to blow up anyway. The massive explosion sent the two agents flying into the river and the helicopter sprawling towards the moon.

            "I'll get you next time Gadget!" Dakota shouted before the helicopter vanished.

            Gallows bobbed his head in the river, glancing around. "**P.R.O.P.H.E.T** seems to be after us…"

            "No duh…" Marivel spat a stream of water.

            "How much longer to Guild Galad?" Gallows asked.

            "About a day…" Marivel sighed.

            "Damn. Another day without lovin. I wish I could have been like Boomerang… Aww yea…" Gallows grinned.

            Marivel sighed. "Aport."

            Gallows fell limp and floated to the surface as Marivel posed while the desert exploded in the background to some very snazzy music. Good work team!


	5. You Only Live Twice

**V: You Only Live Twice**

            Hey folks, Kate Logan here for Victory Nissan, and have we got some answers for you!

            That's right Kate, let's give a shout out to the following folks!

**Aya_Yahiko**:  You are obsessed with Jet. Yes, I state the obvious

**Hana no Kaze**:  Yes, I will continue to write, for I am in the middle of this story. (And I luv Gallows too!)

**Skylark Starflower**: Write more Memory Figure series!

**Meteor9**: Gallows is Asgard.

**Bloody Angel X**: If your reading this, luv yer fic.

**Black Waltz 0: **You are an evil black mage sent by Kuja!

**Lil' Kayun**: XD

**Teefa 85**: This chappy jokes all, so LOL! (see bottom)

**The person who flamed me during DriftWings**:Damn You!****

**_Anyhoo, on with the show!_**

**** ***

_Today, the sky was gnawed away…_

            "No it wasn't." Gallows raised an eyebrow, looking over Marivel's shoulder as she was writing in a notebook.

            "Gah! Look away! You cannot see!" Marivel closed the book shut and glared at 003.

            "Why? What's so secret? Is it a diary? Ooh! Let me see!" Gallows tried to grab the book, but Marivel shoved it into her waist pack before he could.

            "It's nothing like that. If you must know, it's my action/adventure/romance novel I'm writing." Marivel put her hands on her hips.

            Gallows scratched his head. "You're a secret agent, you live the stuff, why would you bother writing it?"

            "Because…" Marivel clasped her hands together, a dreamy look filling her red eyes. "My head is full of so many wonderful ideas, characters, places, stories, and more! It's just so wonderful, I'll think I'll swoon. Swooon!"

            "Uh huh…" Gallows sweat dropped. "Hey! I'm writing a fan fic about this guy named Zed and all the crazy stuff he does. Hee hee, it's so funny."

            "Ungh. Fan fiction. Just unoriginal groupies too unoriginal to write their own stuff…" Marivel was disgusted.

            Suddenly, from out of the blue clear sky, a bolt of lightning struck Marivel, and she collapsed, charred and smoking.

            "My lady, Smoking is bad for one's beauty." Gallows said, rather suavely.

            "Ung. Aport…"

** *

            Not much later, the two arrived at the metropolitan city Guild Galad, known for it's bigness, vastness, and largeness. Huge, gray buildings rose into the air from the paved earth, from which hundreds of people all walked the sidewalks and the streets were filled with cars. Cars? Yes, cars. (The opening scene for Ashley involved cars, remember?!) The beat of the street was funkified fresh and dope and kickin. Many hot dog vendors and pretzel carts lined the corners, the murmer of thousands of people, the honking of horns, the smell of exhaust, the heat of the sun, and the shadows of sky scrapers all marked Guild Galad.

            "I love the city!" Marivel smiled. "Just smell that fragrence." Marivel took a big whiff and then coughed, tears forming in her eyes.

            Gallows looked around. Graffiti marked some street corners, broken down cars, and hoodlums wearing hooded sweat shirts and baggy pants. "Uh oh, white man in a tux down town ain't good."

            "You're not white Gallows, your Baskarian." Marivel corrected. "Now let's hurry up and find the rest of A.R.M.S before P.R.O.P.H.E.T does."

            "You mean, say the password to everyone in the city?" Gallows gulped.

            "Yup. Now let's get crackin!" Marivel ran to the first person she saw and readily assured him that she was a diphead. Gallows sighed and looked up.

            "Hey!" Gallows said happily. "It's a fancy club!" With that, Gallows opened the doors, took out his briefcase, put his still wet black jacket on, and tipped the doorman enough to let him in.

            The carpet was red, and the walls a soft pink. Many tales, decorated in white, were filled with fancy folks eating fancy food while listening to fancy music. Gallows straightened his bow tie and sat down in a lovely chair opposite of a lovely (yet bored) woman. She had long purplish black hair and pale skin and was wearing an elegant white dress that showed enough but hide enough. Her arms were slender, fine, reformed, and her hands were hidden in enormous gloves.

            "Well hello there, you look bored." Gallows smiled. Cool and suave.

            "Do you sit at occupied tables often or something? The woman asked. "Mr…?"

            "Carradine. Gallows Carradine." Insert snazzy jazzy theme music. "And you must be?"

            The woman blushed for a minute or so before replying. "Anastasia."

            "Wow, what a lovely name. You must have fallen from heaven cus your hot!" Gallows replied.

            "Thank you Mr. Carradine. What can I do for you?" Anastasia replied.

            A frenchy waiter appeared, carrying a large platter with a great big succulent steak upon it. He sat it down in front of Anastasia, who promptly thanked the waiter. She then pulled out an enormous bulky sword from under her chair and set to cutting the steak with it.

            "You wouldn't happen to know any secret agents, would you?" Gallows asked.

            "You are so funny Mr. Carradine." Anastasia giggled while slicing a piece of steak with the Airget-Lamh. "What makes you think I know any secret agents?"

            "Because you look beautiful, whereas the rest of the people here are as generic as townsfolk from Suikoden 3." Gallows shrugged.

            "Very observant Mr. Carradine. But let me tell you this, I could be a **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agent, right?"

            "Crap. Didn't think about that one…" Gallows bit his lip. "You're not one, right?"

            "Correct again, Mr. Carradine." Anastasia slipped a bit of pink steak between her equally succulent lips. "Mmm Hmmmph hmmhm."

            "What?" Gallows asked.

Anastasia swallowed the steak piece and placed a napkin to her sunset pink lips. "I said, I am ARMs."

Gallows pumped his fist in the air. "YES! And I didn't even have to say that stupid password! Eat that Marivel!"

** *

"That author is so egotistical. The author writes a 457 page story and suddenly everything has to have a cameo from it. Jeez." A woman was complaining in a café courtyard opposite of Marivel, who suddenly sneezed.

** *

"However…" Anastasia interrupted Gallows victory dance. "I am not a combatant, meaning I will not join you."

Gallows face suddenly fell. "B-but you're so hot, and Marivel is so not!"

"Oh Mr. Carradine." Anastasia giggled. "I am merely an informant. I have come to tell you that we suspect **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** is after the super laser "Ark Smasher" held at the ARMS museum."

"ARMS has it's own museum?" Gallows blinked.

"No, ARMS museum, as in weapons of mass destruction!" Anastasia corrected the agent.

"Oh, Ancient Relic Machines?"

"No, ARMS as in heavy artillery!" Anastasia narrowed her beautiful eyes.

"Ah. So, we've got to guard this laser, right?" Gallows stated.

"Correct, but you may need to find your other agents first." Anastasia slipped another bit of steak into her mouth.

"No! NOT THE PASSWORD!" Gallows screamed.

"I am sorry, for you must, seeing how 002 is not with us anymore." Anastasia sighed.

"002 this, 002 that. Bleh." Gallows stuck out his tongue.

Anastasia smiled. "You are jealous, no? Of course you are, it IS Jet Enduro we are talking about."

"GAH!" Gallows pulled at his hair. "Will you people stop talking about that guy!?"

"Hey I remember 002, he was a great fella!" Belselk, A giant, green, monster guy stepped up to the table.

"Jeebus! Jus' leave me alone! I'm going to go find an agent who's never heard of 002! Good day!" Gallows left the table and stormed out of the club.

"What was his problem?" Belselk scratched his bandana clad head with his amce.

"No idea. Steak?" Anastasia offered.

"No thanks, I'm trying to watch my figure." Belselk refused.

** *

"Finally!" A high-pitched feminine voice shouted. This voice belonged to a small teenage girl with brown hair and a red dress, who was standing in the middle of a street, blocking traffic. "Lilka, super crest sorceress and ARMS member, has arrived in the city! I'm so happy, I'll think I'll sing!" Jazzy music appeared when a band of bums gained jazz instruments and began to follow Lilka as she danced down the street.

"~Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today  
I want to be a part of it – Guild Galad, Guild Galad  
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray  
Right through the very heart of it – Guild Galad, Guild Galad  
  
I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn't sleep  
And find I'm king of the hill - top of the heap  
  
These little town blues, are melting away  
I'll make a brand new start of it - in old Guild Galad  
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere  
It's up to you – Guild Galad, Guild Galad  
  
Guild Galad, Guild Galad  
I want to wake up in a city, that never sleeps  
And find I'm a number one, top of the list, king of the hill  
Ain't nothing but a one  
  
These little town blues, are melting away  
I'm gonna make a brand new start of it - in old Guild Galad  
And if I can make it there, I'm gonna make it anywhere  
  
It's up to you – Build Galad, Guild Galad  
  
Guild Galad!~"

            "Hey shut up!" A guy in a taxi shouted.

            "And the people are so nice too!" Lilka giggled. "Oh look! A hot dog vendor!"

            Lilka ran along the street, losing her band of bums, and quickly stopped before the cart and the giant man standing under the umbrella, who was currently serving agent 003, Gallows Carradine.

            "That'll be one dog with the works, Fifteen Gella!" The cart vendor passed the heavily clad dog to Gallows.

            "Fifteen Gella! Are you nuts?!" Gallows was shocked.

            "Hey, this is Guild Galad." The man shrugged.

            Grumbling, Gallows paid the man and took a bite out of his dog, which squeaked in pain. Gallows quickly spit out a rat and gagged. "Hey vendor! There's a rat in my dog!"

            "Hey, this is Guild Galad." The vendor shrugged.

            "Excuse me sir, but can I have a soy dog and a Ginger ale!?" Lilka asked.

            "Yea yea, that will be ten Gella." The vendor passed the dog to the sorceress.

            Lilka checked her pockets, looking for money. "Aw man, I can't find my money! I'm such a diphead!"

            Diphead…

            Diphead…

            Diphead…

            Gallows eyes suddenly went wide. He turned towards the two in a flash. "HEY! There's a mouse in my dog!"

            "This is Guild Galad." The man shrugged.

            "And you said you're a diphead! Are you ARMS?!" Gallows asked.

            "YEA! Are you 003?!" Lilka asked excitedly.

            "Ah man, yet another incredibly young not attractive kid joining me. What is this, the little league?" Gallows sighed.

            "Is this our new team mate?" Marivel asked, joing the two at the vendor.

            "YEA! I'm Lilka, agent "C. Sorceress!" How do you do?!" Lilka gave a great big smile.

            "Hi. Marivel, that's Gallows." Marivel pointed to Gallows. "Hey vendor, get me a dog, not cooked and extra bloody!"

            "Sure thing." The vendor replied, letting his cigarette fall into the cart.

            Marivel walked up to Gallows and nudged him at the waist. "That's another one down, but how can we trust a person who can't eat a regular hotdog?"

            Suddenly the pretzel vendor across the street exploded into a ball of flames, it's sound reverberating around the corner. The three looked to it while jazzy music began to play.

            "What a veautiful and right on the money shot, my closest compatriot hummingbird Ard!" A tall, skinny, green lizard glanced through a pair of binoculars atop a building.

            "Ard Ard." A much larger brown lizard clad in samurai armor barked happily.

            "I completely and not untrustworthy agree Ard! The Bulkigedeon can fry much more than a pretzel cart on any given Tuesday of July! Let us go, like the humming bird and the traveling flower in a dark wind, and steal us a laser such as any warm blooded stealing platypus would!" And Liz began to laugh as the two stood utop the sky scraper, watching pretzel carts explode…

- - - -

Joe Montana: Kinda reminded of "Cowboy Bebop: The Movie" by the setting.

Joe, have you ever been to New York before?

Joe Montana: …No…

Thought so. Yes, that's what Manhattan's like. At least when I was there.

Enya: Man Hypes, you have some weird assistant like things. Why Joe Montana?

Joe: Hey! I'm offended.

Whatever. Jus' because.

Enya: Hey, did you take Marivel's last line from S.W.A.T?

Ixnay Enya, Ixnay!


	6. Casino Royale 1967

**VI: Casino Royale (1967)**

            **_Welcome back to "From Baskar With Love", the fic where sanity doesn't matter! That's right, the sanity is like Riflemen references to someone who's never read "Upon These Drifter Wings" before. Anyhoo, let's continue where we left off._**

            "What the?! It can't be!" Gallows stepped back, dropping his hotdog onto the warm cement as the pretzel cart across the street exploded.

            "So what? It's an explosion, not like we haven't seen any of those before…" Marivel took a bite out of her bloody dog, which squeled in pain. "Just the way I like 'em!"

            "Someone's gonna get hurt! Oooh, we gotta do something!" Lilka turned to her new team.

            "They can't be after the laser all ready! We have to find our last team mate!" Gallows cried.

            "This isn't like an RPG where time freezes for every event, 003! What laser are you talking about?!" Marivel wanted to know.

            "The laser at the ARMS museum, right? C'mon, we gotta move before someone gets hurt!" Lilka answered, running off down the street.

            "What laser?!" Marivel screeched.

            "Lilka, you're going the wrong way!" Gallows hollered. "C'mon Marivel, we gotta stop **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** from getting that laser!"

            "I would if you'd tell me what we're talking about!" Marivel snapped.

            "No time, must go!" Gallows grabbed Marivel's wrist and dashed down the street, Lilka catching up. When they rounded the corner, something amazing caught their sight. For what they saw was a giant robot smashing through the streets. It was a weird robot to say the least, having enormous elephant legs, and bright, lego-esque, type parts for the rest of the dinosaurian shape. And perched atop its head were the two lizardians, Liz and Ard.

            "Holy Tap Dancing Kaiju!" Gallows stopped in his tracks.

            "What a stupid looking robot…" Marivel frowned.

            "Oh no! What will we do?!" Lilka gasped.

            "Hahahaha! It is I, the bestest thinker of all the four corners of the lovely desert lotus we call Filgaia, Liz!" Liz's shrill voice came in through a mega-phone.

            "Ard! Ard!" Ard's deep voice sounded.

            "**P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agents!" Marivel deduced.

            "Hey! You in the stupid robot! You better not get that laser, or we'll have to stop you!" Gallows shouted.

            "You better change and accept Eternal Love, or you'll regret it!" Lilka commanded.

            Gallows and Marivel looked to the small girl and then to each other, shaking their heads disapprovingly.

            "Huh? Did I do something wrong big-brother Gallows, big-sister Marivel?" Lilka asked, concern in her green eyes.

            "Oh God! M-my heart!" Marivel dropped to the ground, clutching her chest. "Lilka, you fool! Never utter such sweetness in my presence!"

            Gallows grinned an evil grin. He'd have to remember for that. "Oh really. That's good to know."

            "Oh I'm so sorry Big Sis Marivel! Is there anything I can do to help you?" Lilka bent down on her knees.

            "Gah! Stop it! What are you trying to do, kill me?!" Marivel shouted, canines bared.

            "Eep! I didn't mean to hurt you Marivel, I'm so sorry." Lilka shook her head.

            "You better be…" Marivel panted, her heart in ache.

            "Ahem!" Liz's voice came in once more. "Mayhap you have forgotten it so, but a delicate flower of the cherry blossom wind in the form of moi is currently involved in the glorious ballet of destruction and mayhem atop the lovely gentle asteroid, Bulkigedeon."

            "Sounds like a porno, hee hee, the Bulk-a-get-it-on!" Gallows snickered.

            Ard glanced over to his smaller friend and shrugged. "Ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard."

            "003, How are we going to stop this thing? I'm too weak to fight, thanks to the black words that little miss flower pants hath spoken." Marivel questioned the Baskar in a tux.

            "Hmmm, I know!" Gallows pulled out his tiny PP7. "DIE GIANT ROBOT!" He fired the tiny thing, sending a tiny bullet ricocheting off the giant's armor.

            "Great job 003." Marivel chided.

            "Well let's see you think of something. This was the toughest fight in all of WA2!" Gallows grunted.

            "Now if you'll excuse us, we fair nobles of the court of luckiness will strive for the ultimate goal of salvation and acquire the lovely yet functional laser "Arc Smasher". Liz saluted and the giant robot plowed through the skyscraper on the right, heading for the ARMS museum.

            "What we need is a giant robot of our own!" Lilka thought.

            "I can do that easily! Watch and behold!" Marivel pulled out a remote and pressed a big red button. Suddenly, a building down the street was completely demolished as Asgard01 emerged from under the earth. "Big A! It's Show time!"

            "I don't ever recall a secret agent using a giant robot before…" Gallows thought.

            "Shut up and get in!" Marivel screamed and pressed another button. Before the three realized it, they were wearing brightly colored spandex costumes and helmets and teleported inside the massive Earth Golem reject, I mean the form of Asgard.

            "Why do I feel like we're parodying something that we shouldn't right now?" Gallows scratched his yellow helmet.

            "Wow! I'm all pink! I LOVE pink!" Lilka giggled.

            "All right! Systems clear!" Marivel shouted, wearing all blue. "It's Go time!"

            "You know these spandex suits would be cool if you two weren't flat." Gallows shrugged.

            Marivel stepped on the brake suddenly, sending the Asgard01 plummeting to the street, demolishing several buildings in it's wake. Marivel and Lilka both turned to Gallows, throwing off their helmets and witch fire in their eyes. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

            "This won't turn out good…" Gallows gulped right before the two young women pounced upon him like lions on a wounded secret agent gazelle.

            The Bulkgideon stopped in its tracks and turned to face the fallen Asgard01. Liz hissed in frustration. "Those not-smart folks! What are they thinking, letting a delicate flower such as myself and the ultimately destructive force of the grave pusher Bulkigideon wander the cruel streets as we please. Does it not matter to them that we are doing as we like, seeking the laser for No. 1's evil yet so satisfying like that of oatmeal before noontide!?"

            "Ard?" The samurai lizard asked his buddy.

            "Worry not, my cherry blossom Samurai! Like that of Tom Cruise, we shall catch the bus to our goal, and feast upon a delicacy called victory!" Liz placed two fingers out and formed the V sign. "But my jealousy turns ugly in the midst's of our epic voyage. Come! We gather attention for we are Pop stars!"

            The Bulkigedon's chassis opened, revealing a hundred thousand missile slots, all which fired into the surrounding cityscape. The resulting explosion demolished everything in true Barefoot-Gin fashion, leaving nothing but rubble and the Asgard01. Behind the Bulkigedeon was the rest of the city, unhurt and not even paying attention.

            "What the f-asterisk-money sign-percent sign was that?!" Gallows emerged from the battle, bloody, bruised, and beaten.

            Marivel crossed her arms and looked at the monitor. "It looks as if the Bulkgigideon wants to play!"

            "Ack! The surrounding city's gone! That poor hotdog man…" Lilka sniffed. "But I'm all right, for I'm strong! Now let's go!" Lilka slammed a huge red button that was her entire console.

            "…That wasn't the self-destruct button, was it?" Marivel sweat dropped.

            "Oh c'mon, that is so cliché…" Gallows sighed.

            Suddenly the Asgard01 rose into the sky, enormous jets spitting blue fire behind it. The three looked around, excitedly.

            "Wow! I've been trying to figure how to do this for ages!" Marivel clasped her hands together.

            "Oh brother…" Gallows stated.

            "Ard!" The Samurai lizard pulled out a large RPG -No, not a Star Ocean. A Rocket-Propelled Grenade. Silly. - and fired. The resulting explosion hit the Asgard01 dead on, causing it to fall from the sky and right onto the Bulkigideon. The Bulkigideon fell backwards, devastating about four blocks behind it. The two lizards scrambled from the machine a few yards away.

            "Ouch. What happened?" Gallows asked, rubbing his back, as the Asgard01 had fallen on its back.

            "We hit him dead on!" Marivel stated with much glee.

            "Yay! I love you guys!" Lilka leaped for joy.

            Marivel's pupils shrank as she fell to her knees once again. "I think you ARE trying to kill me!"

            "Ard, you have cause our destruction! No more will our songs of merriment and mass destruction be heard by seductive ears. I loathe you no more than a fish does to his own pool of water." Liz crossed his arms and turned his back on his friend.

            "ARD?!" Ard started crying waterfall tears.

            "Hold it right there!" Gallows shouted, climbing out of the Asgard01 and aiming his PP7 at the two.

            "It's the Po! Quickly Ard, reclaim our title of enormous prestige, and together we shall be the unicorn of a **P.R.O.P.H.E.T **estate!" Liz shouted.

            Ard snorted, eager to reclaim his spot in the light. The enormous lizard tightened his Samurai armor once more and charged towards Gallows, katana in claw.

            Gallows pulled the trigger, but found the bullets falling short of penetrating the thick Japanese armor. He rolled out of the way as Ard rammed into the side of the robot.

            "Go Ard! Win a victory for us, and we shall be Pop stars once more!" Liz leaped in the air, pom poms in hand.

            "Go Gallows! He's the man! If he can't do it… than we'll have to find someone else…" Lilka leaped in the air with twin pom poms.

            "Hey bitch! I was rooting in this place of combat first!" Liz suddenly rushed to Lilka.

            "You skank! How could you address me in that fashion!" Lilka threw down her pom poms.

            "Oh you want to fight girlfriend! Bring it on miss training bra!" Liz hissed.

            "Shut up hoe!" And the two began scratching at each other madly, biting and pulling each other's tail and hair and rolling across the ruined city block.

            "This is stupid…" Marivel realized as she pulled herself to the hatch and looked out.

            "Hey Marivel! A little help please!?" Gallows yelped as he was dodging Ard's Samurai strokes.

            Overhead, a large black chopper with the letters P.R.O.P.H.E.T spelled across the sides flew by, lugging a giant laser behind it. Dakota Sierra, a blonde beautiful woman, smiled and waved as she flew by. Marivel gritted her teeth. "So that's the laser! And now **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** has it!"

            "Aw my tail! You lit it on fire!" Liz grabbed his tail away from Lilka.

            "That's what you get for trying gouge out my lovely eyes!" Lilka huffed.

            "No fair! You truly are a master of chick fighting, but I msut say T.T.F.N, as our mission has been accounted for. But I'll leave you with a good bye present. One that you'll be crying over for years to come for it is as wonderful as any golden rain or lovely wind!" Liz suddenly chucked a blue sphere at Lilka and slithered off, calling for Ard to do so as well. Ard left Gallows hiding behind a mailbox trying to fire his PP7. Together the two vanished down a manhole.

            "Looks like we drove them off!" Gallows said smiling. "Awww Yea!"

            "Though you were fighting like an agent should, you didn't get a single hit in you idiot." Marivel frowned. "And **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** got the laser!"

            "Hey guys!" Lilka walked up, badly scratched. "Look what Liz gave me for my victory!" Lilka presented the blue sphere to them.

            "That…" Gallows leaped back, arm drawn over his face to protect it.

            "No! It's…" Marivel closed the hatch.

            "What are you guys so scared of?! It's so pretty!" Lilka held it close to her face.

            "BLUE BUG BOMB!" Marivel and Gallows both shouted at once. Not a moment later, the sphere erupted in an enormous explosion, demolishing another building in the very jazzy process…


	7. On Her Majesty's Secret Service

**VII: On Her Majesty's Secret Service**

Lilka drenched her face in a fountain of cool water escaping from a busted fire hydrant, trying to remove the last remaining bits of soot and blackened debris. The girl was back in normal attire, as all of them were, and looked into a cracked mirror that had fallen from a building, trying to get her complexion right again. The explosion left over from Liz's nasty trick had done a number of things, but the thing that brought tears to her green eyes was the fact that she now had blue bangs falling in front of her eyes. Note the reason why it's called the Blue Bug Bomb.

            "C'mon Lilka, let's get going." Gallows tapped her shoulder, but found her unmoving. She stood in front of the mirror, quivering in silent tears. "Lilka?"

            "I'M HIDEOUS!" Lilka shouted, bursting into tears.

            "Wow! I feel great!" Marivel walked over to the two, flexing her tiny arms.

            "Oh, it's not that bad." Gallows sighed, looking at the small blue bangs of hair.

            "Of course it is, it's copying 003." Marivel laughed, pointing to Gallows white stripe. The look she received from the two shut her up instantly.

            "I can't believe that meany, destroying the city (sniff), wrecking business (sniff), stealing the laser, (sniff) and TURNING MY HAIR BLUE!" Lilka shouted, grabbing Gallows black jacket and blowing into it.

            Gallows was disgusted, but decided it best not to interfere. So he let her blow her nose into his jacket and patted her back, looking over his shoulder at Marivel, who was silently giggling.

            "Good evenin' gents!" A voice came to them. Lilka stopped blowing her nose and looked over the hydrant to see a tall, built man (Though not as tall as Gallows) with long blonde hair and a long tanned coat with a black muscle shirt underneath. He tipped his black cowboy hat and placed his black boots upon the hydrant, so that he was leaning foreword to greet the three.

            "Yo?" Gallows said, confused. Despite his own beliefs, he was never hip on the current lingo.

            "Good evening sir." Lilka wiped her eyes and bowed before the man.

            "What do ya want? Can't you see we're in a crime scene?" Marivel pushed foreword.

            "The name is Jack. Jack VanBurace. Pleasure to meet you…?" Jack awaited introductions.

            "…Aren't you going to finish your sentence?" Gallows asked.

            "Hi! I'm Lilka Elenaik, Agent Crest Sorceress. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Jack."

            "Carradine. Gallows Carradine. Insert jazzy music here." Gallows replied.

            "Wait a minute! What do you want!?" Marivel barked.

            "Please, please. Calm yourselves. I have business to talk with you guys, so how about a little lunch at the café across the street? My treat!" Jack bowed.

            "Will there be Ice Cream?!" Lilka clasped her hands together.

            "Woot! Free food!" Gallows pumped his fist in the air.

            Marivel crossed her arms and looked at the street. "All right. Marivel's the name."

            Jack smiled. "Of course."

            ** *

            The café was an outside one, sitting next to the street in the good side of town. Lilka happily licked her Vanilla and Strawberry ice cream cone as she watched about three floors collapse in the building across the street. The four sat around a small, black iron table on metal chairs in the streaming sunlight. Gallows sipped his root beer float, trying to make the flavor last, as Marivel feasted upon a bloody jackrabbit carcass someone had found in the road. Jack sat back in his chair, hands behind his head and boots resting upon the table. After Marivel has slipped the gastricnemius between her pale lips, she swallowed the bloody calf muscle and looked to the grinning Jack. "So what business do you have with us?"

            "You are ARMS, correct?" Jack asked.

            "Yes we are. Thank you very much, Mr. Jack." Lilka smiled.

            Marivel grabbed her throat as she was choking on the meat. Gallows slapped her back with a hearty blow, pushing the food down her esophagus. She stuck her tongue out and glared at Lilka, who blushed with embarrassment.

            "It's no problem." Jack waved it off. "But I carry a message from headquarters. They are incredibly angry."

            "How angry?" Gallows asked.

            "…Incredibly?" Jack shrugged.

            "Oh…" 003 resumed sipping his root beer.

            "**P.R.O.P.H.E.T** now has the upper hand, and Guild Galad has been pounded to rubble. The companies finances can't keep up with your rate of destruction." Jack explained.

            "Wait. We have finances?" Gallows asked. "I thought License to Kill meant license to blow stuff up and not worry about it."

            "You would think so. I mean, look at some of the explosions that 002 made!" Jack replied.

            "Hey! We went an entire chapter without mentioning 002, so shush!" Gallows demanded.

            "Who's 002?" Lilka asked.

            "Yes!" Gallows smirked. "My quest has been fulfilled."

            "So what does ARMS want us to do?" Marivel asked, keeping the conversation on track.

            "Very good question. They would like you to…to…Oh MY GOD!" Jack suddenly leaped out of his chair and over the fence. "Would you look at those!"

            Gallows stood up, following Jack's line of sight and grinned like an idiot. "Well hello!"

            "What's going on?!" Lilka leaped up, preparing for an emergency. "What's everyone looking at."

            "APORT X2!" Marivel shouted.

            Two massive frying pans appeared out of the sky and fell atop both men's heads. The two fell to the sidewalk, brows bleeding badly. (Alliteration!)

            "Why'd you do that Big-Si… I mean Marivel?" Lilka asked, confused as ever.

            "You'll understand in a few years Lilka… Men are idiots." Marivel dusted off her hands.

            And so, a beautiful vixen of a nymph continued walking down the street, free from Jack and Gallows sights. Jack immediately picked himself and rested his boots back upon the table. "Right. As I was saying, there's urgent business to attend to! ARMS has sent me to tell you to head to the sea near Court Seim. It seems that P.R.O.P.H.E.T is up to it again, disguising the Riverboat Sweet Candy as a Sylvaland warship and preying upon Maria Boule's merchant ships. A threat of war looms between these two major powers, and if something isn't done soon, it will erupt into a conflict, drawing in every nation upon Filgaia!"

             "There are only four nations. It wouldn't be hard…" Gallows counted on his fingers.

            "So you want us to find the Sweet Candy, again, and stop it, again?" Marivel asked.

            "I know the laser is important, but it can wait for now! Now we must make haste and cross the globe!" Jack stood up.

            "You're coming with us, Mr. Jack?" Lilka asked.

            "I am truly a diphead, and have been assigned to ARMS! Here, I have four bus tickets to Court Seim!" Jack produced four tickets.

            "Bus tickets?! That'll take forever. By the time we get there, the nations will already be at war!" Marivel demanded.

            "Do you have anything better in mind?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

            "Well…" Marivel licked her lips.

** *

            _"Bus tickets?! That will take forever. By the time we get there, the nations will be at war!_" Gallows mocked in baby tongue as he stuck his thumb out along the train tracks.

            "Shut Up! It is a good idea! We just have to wait for a train to come along." Marivel yelled.

            "Um, do trains pick up hitch-hikers?" Lilka asked.

            "If we were on the damn bus, we would have made it. Now we'll be lucky if we make it there at all." Jack sighed.

            "All of you idiots just keep yapping, but when the train conductor sees our badges, we're a shoe in!" Marivel huffed.

            "Do trains even run along this track?" Lilka asked.

            "For Queen and Country. Just keep telling yourself that." Gallows repeated to himself.

            A train blew its whistle as it appeared on the horizon. The four instantly turned to it.

            "Go for it!" Marivel pushed Gallows onto the tracks. Gallows yelped and screamed in a higher-pitch then even Lilka could have produced as the train sped towards him. And before he knew it, the train had stopped right before his face.

            "You can stop screaming now, 003." Marivel sighed.

            "Hey, you fella's need a ride?" Tony asked the quartet.

            Jack stepped foreword and whisked out his badge. "Sir, we need to commandeer this train for Queen and Country!"

            Tony scratched his head and shrugged. "Okay! Just remember to fuel her back up when you're done."

            "Uh right." Jack nodded.

            "Uh, Mr. Gallows?" Lilka poked Gallows, but he was as frozen as a statue.

            ** *

            Much later, the train emerged out of a tunnel, running along coastline. The only four on the train looked out to see flat dunes with bits of sea wheat and sea oats sticking out here and there before a vast line of sea blue. Sea gulls flitted in the air merrily as they… flitted…yea. But upon the horizon was the paddle wheeler riverboat Sweet Candy. The words Sweet Candy had been crossed out and rather sloppily a new name was painted along her sides, "Sylvaland War Ship Comin' To Attack You!"

            "Hey! It's the Sweet Candy!" Lilka shouted.

            "Where! I don't see anything, only a Sylvaland vessel." Gallows looked out the window.

            Marivel and Jack glanced at each other, shaking their heads. This was team leader 003. Marivel stepped to the window and hopped up, trying to see. "Looks like they repaired her a bit."

            "Oh. Hey, I wonder if that kid will be there." Gallows thought. "It just occurred to me that I've only killed one **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agent since I began this crazy mission."

            "My sworn enemy Tim and his freaky little pet Pooka…" Marivel reflected. "This time, I will kill you!"

            There was a flash of lightning and thunder rolled across the blue sky. A cold wind blew within the train, flowing within Marivel's long blonde hair.

            "Huh, looks like someone left a window open." Jack immediately closed the window.

            "Quickly, we have to get to that ship! Mr. Jack, can you take us to it?!" Lilka looked to the man in the cowboy hat.

            "Man in the Cowboy Hat… sounds like a mini-series." Jack thought.

            "That's your code name isn't it?" Gallows asked.

            "What. Oh yea. I always forget." Jack shrugged. "And besides, I couldn't take you there if I wanted to. For you see, trains must ride upon railways."

            The other three's face froze in horror. Trains riding only upon railways?! Who ever imagined such a dreadful thing?!

            Gallows crossed his arms across his massive, yet suave, chest. "What we need here is a boat. Or a haovercraft…"

            "Hey I know!" Lilka announced. "We'll use this!" Lilka suddenly grabbed a white cloak with red triangle bordering and donned it. "And now I shall cast float and we will walk there!"

            [SUED!]

            "Or maybe not." Lilka laughed nervously. 

            "That's it! Gimme the wheel!" Gallows grabbed the steering wheel from Jack, turning it hard to starboard, forcing the train off the rails and plowing through the sea.

            "Wow, maybe it does work…" Jack rubbed the back of his head.

            "Captain Bart, here we come!" Gallows shouted as he drove the train onward through the sea. The Sweet Candy fired in return, sending the coastline ablaze with jazzy explosions!

-TO BE CONTINUED!-

[see you round, cowboy]


	8. From Russia With Love

**VIII: On Her Majesty's Secret Service (Part 002)**

**          A.K.A From Russia With Love (The Lost Episode)**

The sea was shattered as shells of enormous prestige exploded, trying to hit the long train a'comin'. The train, though sinking, plowed through the waves as a snowplow does to that white fluffy stuff we call snow. The train released one last deep whistle before slamming head on into the Sweet Candy. After the grand slam, the head engine car found itself stuck in the wall of the ballroom, where several Odessa soldiers were waiting, armed.

            "All right, we got here. Now what?" Jack asked.

            "You know, maybe next time we should plan this kind of thing out in advance…" Marivel sighed.

            "Oh wow! A ballroom! I always wanted to be in a ballroom, with a chandelier and pretty dresses and fine music-" Lilka clasped her hands inside the train.

            "And Odessa soldiers all plotting to kill us." Jack finished.

            "Do not worry! For I have a plan!" Gallows smiled, revealing sparkly teeth, and leaped out of the train.

            "Gallows! Wait!" Marivel leaped out after him.

            The two agents emerged from the black Filgaia Express and on center stage, in front of a dozen or so Odessa soldiers. And at the very back was Captain Bart, who instantly grabbed the soldier beside him. "Gah! It's those two! The Dirty Pair!"

            "Hey! That's Lovely Angels!" Gallows and Marivel replied venomously.

            Jack placed a hand to his forehead. "Oy. References…"

            "Guards! Do something nasty to them! Quickly!" Bart shouted. The soldiers all cocked their sub-machine guns (Which I don't think is possible) and stepped in line in unison as any impressive military force would.

            "Hold it right there." A mysterious voice said oh so mysteriously. 003, Marivel, Bart, and the others turned around to see a somewhat tall, lean man with "pail" (Meteor9 is slapped!) skin and wearing all black, including a broad black sun hat.

            "A-agent Vassim!" Bart gulped.

            The soldiers all bowed down simultaneously, avoiding eye contact with the Elw in Black.

            "Sounds like a song, doesn't it?" Lilka questioned Jack. "~Here come the Elw in black, Filgaian defenders…~"

            Jack rubbed his forehead once more. "Oy. More references…"

            "Well well well, if it isn't the infamous 003…" Vassim, the man hidden in black-

            "Hey that sounds like a song too!" Lilka exclaimed. "~Man in hidden in black…~"

            "STOP WITH THE REFERENCES ALL READY! What is this, a library?" Jack cut the conversation right there.

            Gallows stepped foreword, calm and cool. "What?! You've heard of me?! So does that make me famous?!" Maybe not…

            Vassim nodded. "You've been a thorn in our sides for far too long. I have been personally sent by number One to put an end to your little ARMs game at once."

            "Wait! So this war you're trying to start was just a trap for us!" Marivel was prepared to draw. No, not with a pencil you silly Drill baboons.

            Vassim nodded… boy does that sound familiar. "Quite the set up if I say so myself. You may have managed to kill Boomerang and Lucied, but I won't prove to be taken so easily.

            Gallows pulled out his PP7 and tried to pull the trigger, but found he couldn't bend his finger enough. What the?!"

            Vassim laughed as Bart cringed nervously. "You fool?! Haven't you ever played an RPG?!"

            "No, not that! You mean, we'll have to take turns in combat?!" Marivel gasped.

            "Thanks to Captain Bart's RPG enhancer, the rules of an RPG apply. So how about we stop meta-gaming and get back to task. Where was I?" Vassim questioned himself.

            "…You were going to let us all go and turn yourself in?" Gallows suggested.

            "Ah yes… Wait a minute!" Vassim growled. "Now you die!" Vassim threw open his black cloak, revealing an enormous sword that resembled Anastasia's, except much larger. How anyone could ever lift such a thing was beyond anyone. "What you see before you is the mighty Guardian Blade, a sword so powerful it is capable of creating gorges within the earth and valleys from peaks with a mere swipe!"

            "Oh my poor ship." Bart rubbed his head.

            "Wait. So your going to use something that can blow apart mountains on a ship. What are you stupid?" Marivel slapped her forehead. "You'll sink us all and you will all drown."

            "Do not question me, agent! Now, time for action!" Vassim laughed.

            "Um, hold on sir!" And Odessa soldier stood up.

            "Oh what is it?" Vassim asked, clearly irritated.

            The soldier rubbed his hands nervously as his fellow soldiers stood up as well, creating a cacophony of "Yups" to anything that the first soldiers said.. "Well, we were wonderin, you know, since we were good soldiers and all, and we've done our part, and since we're nameless henchmen, you'd…"

            Vassim sighed and tapped his toe with the blade, impatiently. "Oh all right. Get out of here, you pansies!"

            Smiling, all of the soldiers filed out of the ballroom, leaving only Vassim, Bart, and the agents.

            "Hey! Aren't we supposed to do something?" Lilka whispered.

            "Shhh! This is there fight… No idea why, but it just is." Jack replied.

            With all the soldiers gone, Gallows cleared his throat and Marivel gave a soft cough. Vassim shook his head. "Oh, right. Where was I?"

            "…You were about to leave with the henchmen and leap into the S.W.A.T van waiting on shore?" Gallows tried again.

            "…" Vassim thought about it and shrugged. "Don't understand the logic in it, but if that's what I said…" Vassim then turned around and started for the stairs.

            "Wait sir! Remember, you were about to fight these two ARMS agents!" Bart stood up.

            The man in the black hat turned back around and amrched rather quickly to the two. "You tricked me!"

            "No I didn't." Gallows whistled.

            "Yes you did! I wasn't about to go into any van, was I? I can't believe of all the low down dirty things…" Vassim went on.

            "Right, well, let's, um… let's call it a draw." Gallows quipped.

            "A draw?! We haven't even fought yet!" Vassim spat.

            "Yes we have." Gallows answered.

            Marivel put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes as the two went on.

            "No we haven't! I'd think I'd remember if we fought or not!" Vassim replied.

            "Look you loony, we fought and I won, but you're a sore loser" Gallows crossed his arms.

            "Hold on, let me check your experience points." Vassim reached up and seemingly pulled down a bluish menu and tapped the status option. "Ha, you see! I'm worth a lot of EXP. If you'd have beat me, you'd be at a much higher level."

            "What a… what if you don't have any EXP…" Gallows put a hand to his chin.

            "WHAT?!"

            "You know, like a final Boss. They don't have any EXP."

            "JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Lilka and Jack shouted from the engine car.

            Suddenly, BGM began in the background, indicating battle. Gallows and Marivel each drew their respective weapons, while very cool looking Vassim got into a fighting stance with the mighty Guardian Blade. After a moment, Vassim threw down his hat and looked to Bart. "Bart! This isn't my music! This is Vinsfeld's theme!"

            Bart shrugged. "Hey, no one ever made a song for you. You weren't exactly a combatant, y'know."

            Vassim growled and picked up his hat. "Now face me, the mighty Elw agent of **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**! You're lives end here!"

            "That line's getting rather redundant…" Marivel sighed.

            "So, um, who goes first?" Gallows asked.

            "I believe it's me." Marivel nodded. "Um, what should I do?"

            "Use Saint on him!" Lilka shouted.

            "Beat him with Aport!" Jack yelled.

            "Use Quebley!" Gallows suggested.

            "Just go!" Vassim yelled.

            "Hey! This is an R.P.G. I get as much time as I want to think out my strategy!" Marivel responded.

            Bart giggled. He flipped a switch on his remote and suddenly a battle bar formed above their heads.

            "Hey! No fair! That's not Wild ARMs at all!" Lilka shouted.

            "Heehee I know. If I really wanted to make things fast, I'd go for the X-2 style." Bart snickered.

            "Fine! I'll just attack!" Marivel decided. She ran up a couple of steps and fired her twin uzi's at Vassim. Vassim stepped back a bit and clutched his chest, little white numbers appearing over his head.

            Vassim smiled. "All right! It's my turn!" Vassim placed the enormous sword in a fancy position. "Absolutely over-the-top, ridiculous, cherry blossom sword gash x2!" The attack could be described to you, but children in Japan have suffered seizure's do to it.

            Marivel and Gallows both fell o their knees, little red numbers appearing over their heads. "C-can't take much more of this!" Gallows gritted his teeth.

            "Don't we have a mega berry or something?" Marivel asked.

            "Haha! It certainly looks like things are going my way! Take that Elw elders!" Vassim grinned.

            "They won't be able to take much more of this!" Lilka gasped.

            "Déjà vu… Hey! I have an idea!" Jack tipped his hat and took out a long-range sniper rifle. "If we can take care of that remote that Bart's holdin…"

            "…Then he'll have to get up to watch T.V?" Lilka asked, confused.

            "No! Just- you'll see!" Jack closed one eye and gazed through it, locking his sights on the remote. He gently pulled the trigger. Bart leaped back as his remote was blown to pieces.

            "Quickly! You're no longer RPG'd! Go and bring happiness!" Jack shouted.

            "... What's he talking about?" Gallows scratched his head.

            "Don't know about the wording, but he's talking about this!" Marivel fired both uzi's at Vassim, inflicting real world damage. "How about some real-time physics!"

            The string of bullets had nastily blown Vassim's arms clean off. The man in the black broad hat looked to where his arms once where and scoffed. "Ah, tis nothing! Now come on!"

            "Come on? Look you Hunter D knock off bastard, you don't have any arms left!" Gallows shouted.

            "Doesn't matter! Now come on!" Vassim lunged at Gallows, who cleanly side stepped.

            "Without arms, you're mighty blade can't do a thing…" Marivel laughed.

            "Aw crap. It looks like you won." Vassim sighed. "Oh well. No hard feelings then. I have only one favor…"

            "You let me drain you of all your blood, cus I'm mighty hungry…" Marivel rubbed her petite stomach.

            "…No… Tell my twin sister Mariel/Florina that I loved her as any brother would… and that she owes me ten dollars still." With that Vassim kicked off a boot, revealing an LED timer going down from ten seconds.

            "Ah shit! It's a bomb!" Gallows shouted.

            "A BOMB! NO! MY BEAUTIFUL BOAT!" Bart placed his hands to his face in sheer horror.

            "Quickly, Jack get that train going in reverse!" Gallows shouted.

            "Aye aye!" Jack nodded, switching the levers.

            Marivel and Gallows leaped aboard the train as it began to reverse out of the ball room. Bart stood near the back, but sat himself down and poured himself a glass of wine. "At least I get to go out as any cool villain would…"

            Jack and Lilka saluted to Bart as the train left the Sweet Candy. And then, the Sweet Candy exploded in an enormous explosion, again, as the Fillgaia Express pulled through the ocean.

            "Tim wasn't there…" Marivel hissed. "I'll find you Tim!"

            The other three backed off, as seeing Marivel was being scarier than normal. Marivel looked back to that giant explosion over the calm blue sea…

            - - - -

Joe Montana: What are they talking about, John Madden?

You got me, Joe. There's a big difference between you and Madden. For one, Madden has a line of games after him.

Joe Montana: Yea yea

Enya: You know this last chapter was really dumb

Which ones aren't Enya…

Enya: … Yea, you're right. But, um, What's with the double title?

Oh, I decided to use "From Russia With Love" after all. It's the third Bond film, but I didn't use it before because it sounded too much like our title.

Enya: Uh huh. Hey, wanna listen to my "China Roses"?

Joe Montana: Okay, this joke's gone on too long! We've already spoofed Teefa85 once.

Yea, yea. Silence Joe. Now I must go to work. Too bad you guys can't give me any of your millions of dollars.

Joe and Enya: Yup. Too bad.

I hate you guys…


	9. Everything or Nothing

**IX: Everything or Nothing**

_Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…_

**_Calamity Jane and MacDullen are chasing two hoodlums down an alley. MacDullen manages to ram one into the wall as Jane smacks one over the head with the butt of her gun._**

_Jane: Who's making the Moira Virus! Talk you *^%&^$^^%$%$%@$%%!_

**_Guy: I dunno nothing man!_**

_Guy is smacked with the butt of the gun again._

**_Guy: All right! It's being made by Nicholi Industries!_**

_Jane (Shocked): You lie! My father wouldn't do that!…Would he?!_

_--_

_A building explodes._

_--_

**_In a hospital room. Jane and MacDullen are standing around a hospital bed around Rosswell._**

_Jane:I'll get the syndicate for this! Rest in Peace Rosswell!_

**_Rosswell: I'm not dead yet, jees._**

_--_

_A car explodes._

_--_

**_In a giant factory, Jane and MacDullen have cornered Nicholi, but he has a gun pointed to them and a vial containing green liquid in the other._**

_Nicholi: Come any closer and I'll shatter this vial, and we'll all be infected by the super virus!_

**_Jane: Father, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**

_And now, the conclusion…_

_** *_

            The train was half submerged as it sat in the clear, warm waters surrounding the long stretch of beach around Court Seim. Tropical fish swam in and out of it, discovering the new wreck as playful fish do. Gallows, Jack, Marivel, and Lilka sat on the beach by a clump of sea oats as they pondered the important questions of the age.

            "Do you think that somewhere out there, there is a race of humanoid fish walking around and doing all the stuff we do?" Lilka asked nobody in particular as she kicked the warm tropical water with her bare feet.

            "If there's a planet of lizards, then why not?" Jack replied.

            Marivel tapped her fingers and scowled. She had been doing that the entire time they had been sitting on the beach, and everybody stayed clear. After all, she could be going through "that time of the month" and the wrath of Marivel was not a pleasant one. "All right! I've had enough of this! I'm a Crimson Noble! We can't sit in the sun all day, it makes us irritable!"

            Gallows sighed and smiled. "Oh, it was just the sun. I thought it was, well, y'know."

            Gallows found himself with a new frying pan over his head as Marivel growled. Jack tipped his hat and pulled out an umbrella and handed it to Marivel. "Um, here?"

            Marivel snatched it from Jack and immediately stuck it in the earth and sat down, immediately starting to feel better.

            "By the way, what are we doing?" Lilka asked, drawing in the sand with a stick.

            "We're enjoying an early vacation." Jack replied, letting himself lie down on the sand and pulling the hat over his face. "As long as we get no orders, we're fine."

            "But what about the laser? Shouldn't we be doing something?" Lilka asked, worried.

            Marivel sighed. "Lilka, you have absolutely no appreciation for a day of good work. We've done nothing but work, so a day off won't kill us."

            Suddenly the sand erupted in an enormous explosion, sending Gallows flying a yard or so. Gallows rolled across the sun, reaching for his PP7 as Jack, Lilka, and Marivel reached for their weapons. Jack pulled a glock from his hat and Lilka handled a desert eagle, awaiting the enemy.

            "There is no rest for the weary, Agent "Crimson Noble"." A tall woman with a rocket launcher stood atop a dune, speaking in a Russian accent. She had long black hair, one eye, and a long red dress.

            "First it was mace and now Rocket Launchers. Women get more and more dangerous every day." Jack quipped.

            "Guys, let me handle this." Gallows said as he walked back to the woman. "The name is Carradine. Gallows Carradine." insert jazzy 007 theme. "Never get tired of that."

            The woman smiled and reached out a red-gloved hand to Gallows. "My name is Aisha Bernedette, but my **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** name is Kannon."

            "**P.R.O.P.H.E.T**, huh? So, do you fire cannon balls or something?" Gallows asked.

            "No, it is Kannon, with a K, and I am your informant." Kannon corrected.

            "Informant, but you said so yourself your **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**!" Jack growled.

            Kannon smiled. "I play both sides of the game. For the correct amount of Gella, I made a deal with **ARMS** to tell you what you need to know."

            "Hooray! This is awesome!" Lilka leaped into the air and giggled.

            "Well, what do we need to know? Is it about the laser?" Marivel asked.

            Kannon shook her head. "I will tell you what you need to know if you can solve my problem."

            "Anything for you, darling." Gallows grinned an award-winning grin.

            Kannon blushed and blinked. "I need to know if 002 is really dead."

            Gallows looked like someone shot him. He stepped back, crestfallen, and let the others look to each other. Marivel looked up to the woman. "…002 is dead. He died in the underground laboratory a year ago fighting the madman Janus and his henchmen."

            ("Woohoo! I'm finally mentioned!" Janus screamed from beyond the grave. "I was in DriftWings for only one line!")

            Kannon looked to the sand below her high-heeled feet and sighed. "I thought so, but I did not believe it with my heart. Now I can finally let my ambitions free…"

            "Well, that's the way love is played…" Jack shrugged. "I mean, look at my girlfriend. She turned into a freekin demon!"

            "Wow Jack! You have a girlfriend!? I didn't think it was possible!" Lilka giggled. Jack growled in reply.

            "So, about that information…" Marivel crossed her arms.

            "Before I give you the information, you must do me a favor." Kannon looked back at the group.

            "We just answered your question!" Gallows responded.

            "Then you must do me another favor. I want my apartment cleaned, vacuumed, and dusted. The walls needed to be painted a nice red and the dog needs to go for a walk, and I'd like a new shrubbery!"

            "A shrubbery?!" Lilka asked, shocked, for no apparent reason.

            "Yes, a shrubbery! And after all that, I have a special favor to ask." Kannon winked and then started walking towards town, making a gesture to follow.

            "I don't like this at all…" Marivel groaned.

            "Me either. Chores suck." Jack wined.

            "I wonder what that special favor is…" Lilka questioned.

            "I bet 002 never had to do any of this…" 003 said before they all mounted the dune and traveled onward.

** *

            And so, the afternoon was spent doing chores. Marivel dusted, Lilka vacuumed, Jack painted, and Gallows took the dog for a walk, and then a great many other chores were added on, taking up all the daylight hours. Night fell over the tropical town, and the apartment had become the cleanest place this side of the Vatican… presuming the Vatican is clean. Kannon walked in and raised her eyebrows in surprise.

            "SURPRISE BY DESIGN!" The four shouted in unison.

            "Wow. This place is a lookin a PRETTY nice!" Kannon nodded.

            "So, is that it?" Marivel asked, sick and tired of the overalls she was wearing to protect herself from the paint.

            "I can add more paint if you want. I have found my true calling, for I am an Arteest!" Jack kissed his fingers as he was wearing a smock and a beret.

            Kannon smiled and shook her head. "The paint job is fine. You all may leave for the night."

            "But what about the information?" Gallows asked.

            Kannon winked. "I'll tell you soon enough."

            Gallows turned beet red (well as red as one with his complexion can get) and rubbed the back of his head.

            "All right! How about we go for a pizza to celebrate!" Lilka said happily.

            "Pizza and a cold one sounds good to me." Jack said as he dismounted a ladder and started for the door with the two girls.

            "Can you get live animals on pizza?" Marivel wondered as the exited.

            Gallows cleared his throat and straightened his bow tie. He could see the **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agent walking to a mini-fridge and taking out a bottle of chilled champagne. "Mr. Carradine, you do enjoy chilled cham-pag-ne, do you not?"

            "I prefer a vodka… or a Martine (shaken, not stirred.)" Gallows replied rather coolly.

            Kannon nodded. "I prefer Vodka myself, for you see, I am a stereotypical Russian woman whose attraction is not only beautiful, but deadly!" She then chucked the cham-pag-ne bottle out the window. The apartment was on the second level and the sounds of glass breaking and shouts of pain were soon heard. Kannon then leaned over to the mini fridge to get that vodka. Gallows could easily make out her slender form, beautiful complexion, and fine …assets… yes, that's it.

            "I've heard many things about you, Mr. Carradine. They say you're name is …greg?" Kannon eyed him.

            Gallows thought for a moment and shrugged. "Yea sure, whatever. Suits me."

            "And I have heard many other things, including you are a fabulous lover." Kannon winked and grinned.

            Gallows thought for a moment. Well, he thought it was true, but the only woman he ever had the chance to prove it was with Becky back in Claiborne when he was a junior agent. Well, word travels, one supposes. "…Sure…"

            Kannon walked up to the super agent, carrying two glasses of vodka in each hand, her hips swaying with every step. "Then why don't we find out?"

            (SWEET! Remember the dating sim Gallows!) Gallows thought to himself. "Why of course, my lady." Gallows said calm and suavely.

            "Then why don't you put on some romantic music and I'll be in the other room." Kannon winked.

            "Sure will." Gallows said in a deep voice. Once Kannon had left, Gallows pumped his fist into the air. "All right! I knew this super agent thing was going to pay off sooner or later! …But wait a minute, does that mean every super agent gets a hot chick or man? Than that means that Marivel will get to…" The image of petite Marivel in a romantic situation sickened Gallows. He didn't even want to think of Lilka. "Eww. Time for some mental cleansing." Gallows sneaked over to the television and turned on the Golden Globes.

            {And the award goes to… Bill Murray for Lost in Translation.}

            Gallows smiled as his mind went blank. After a moment or two, he flipped the television off and undid one button on his shirt. "It's time to get romantic!"

            Gallows pressed a button on the radio and Kenny G turned on. It sounded more like elevator music than romantic music, but whatever. He then walked into the bedroom, where Kannon was in the bed already… still wearing clothes. She gave him a knowing smile and gestured him to come in. Gallows smiled and hopped in …still wearing clothing, and placed his hand down to feel Kannon's slender legs when…

            003 leaped out of the bed, screaming. "W-what happened to your leg! It's all plastic-y!"

            Kannon smiled. "They are artificial, as is all of me." She popped an arm off with a gentle squeeze. "I am a regular barbie doll, no? A long time ago, I traded my flesh and blood for a more powerful body in order to exorcise the demons!"

            Gallows gulped. "D-Demons?! Huh, you're crazy! This is so sick! Eww! Gross!"

            And so, the night continued on like that. Gallows being weirded out and Kannon making up some crazy excuse or another…

** *

            The sun was shining and Gallows looked like a mess. He attempted to straighten out his bow tie, but it was futile. He gave up as he met the other three near a palm tree in the middle of town.

            "Hey Gallows!" Jack waved. "So, did you get lucky last night, if you know what I mean, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, eh? I mean, did your get to butter your biscuits, if you know what I mean? Did you get the dough rising, if you know what I mean? Did you, um, did you get your Bulka-get-it-on, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge?"

            "You don't want to know. It was quite possibly the scariest thing I've ever gone through…" Gallows replied.

            "Yea, I'd think so. Well, at least you're a man now." Marivel chuckled.

            "What are you guys talking about?" Lilka wondered, having no concept of the adult life.

            "Ahem. Well, I got the information." Gallows tried to change the subject. "The laser is being stored in the gemstone cavern up in the mountains."

            "Why there?" Marivel asked.

            "They have a lovely view and its supposedly the best place to ski during the winter months. No crowds, no tourists. Call now and receive a free broshure!" Gallows said. "Now let's get going!"

            Jack and Marivel chuckled evily to each other. "Whatever you say Gallows."

            "What's going on?!" Lilka demanded to know as they left town.

            Kannon sat on her balcony, watching Gallows leave, smoking a cigarette. "That is quite possibly the best lover that ever existed…"

-*-

            This chapter was rated **[M]** by the ESRB for Animated Blood & Gore, Animated Violence, and Mature Sexual Themes. If you are under 17, do not read this chapter… wait, this was supposed to go at the front, wasn't it? Aw damn…

** *


	10. Diamonds Are Forever

**X: Diamonds Are Forever**

            White Snake's Eye of the Tiger plays

            **_A_**nd so, here it was, where everything became into being: The book of the fic! Appearing in this fic was the noble but empty headed Agent Gallows Carradine (As played by Bob Marley), the demented but only serious person, agent Marivel Armitage (as played by Jessica Simpson), the very annoying and high-pitched Agent Lilka Elenaik (As played by Your little sister), the resourceful yet woman obsessed Agent Jack VanBurace (As played by Tom Cruise) and the aptly named ARMS member, Agent Not Appearing In This Fic! Together, they created a union unbreakable by any foe; they were **ARMS**, the Agile Remote Mission Squad! Capable of handling any trouble, any crisis imaginable! And so, after obtaining information from the lady Kannon (As played by Demi Moore), the squad headed for the white capped mountain peaks of Aba aba Niptu where the super "laser" was said to be hidden. Now let us begin…

            Gallows and Marivel sat upon a ski lift chair, enjoying the free ride up as Jack and Lilka sat in the chair behind. Why there was a ski lift to an enemy base was beyond all means of comprehension, but don't tell anyone this, O.K? Evergreen trees completely covered in snow sat on the mountainside, reaching towards the evening sky.

            Marivel looked over to Gallows, who was reading a rather shabby looking magazine. "What's that?"

            "What's what?" Gallows asked, not bothering to look above the pages of his magazine.

            "The magazine in your hand you idiot." Marivel grumbled. She was cold, even in the many layers of clothing she was wearing.

            "Oh, it's my latest subscription to "GroupyWriting.org's  Printed Issue." It's got the latest chapters of "_Blades in Motion, Chu Chu Star Online, _and _Final Fantasy: EON, _along with short poems and stories like_ "Galcain's the Looper, Captain Cetra and the Cetrateers, Making a Sergeant out of a Turkey, _and _Welcome To O'aka's_." Gallows smiled.

            Marivel sighed in disgust. "Well, at least it wasn't a DriftWings cameo…"

            "Hey! Look in that tree! It's a "_Hawk's Perch_!" Lilka shouted through her ski visor.

            "Ah, don't you love the sky? I think I see "_The Gemini_" out there!" Jack said as he gazed across the sky.

            Marivel turned from them to Gallows once again, who had something in his mouth.  "What are you doing?"

            Gallows spat out a bullet and showed it to the Crimson Nobel. "I'm "_Biting the Bullet_"!"

            "Man, that forest goes on forever, it's like "_The Maze_"." Lilka observed.

            "We could really use a medium right about now. I wonder what happened to "_Lust Jaw_"?" Jack still looked at the sky.

            "I think I've been here before… it must be in my "_Lost Memories_"…" Gallows looked at the White Mountain side.

            "**SHUT UP**!" Marivel screamed.

            SHUT UP!

            SHUT UP!

            SHUT UP!

            The entire mountainside seemed to shake from those cold words screamed in such annoyance. And then there was silence…

            "Thanks a lot Marivel…" Gallows groaned. He knew what was coming.

            "Well maybe if you idiots didn't have to advertise every freakin' fic I wouldn't be so pissed!" Marivel defended herself.

            "Whatever." Jack made an L out of his thumb and forefinger.

            "Yea!" Lilka giggled. "Whatever!" And she too made the L sign.

            The sounds of the avalanche were the first to rush upon the ski rides, and then it was the snow. Like a deep, deadly, and powdery white river, the avalanche flowed across the mountain in a torrent, engulfing all in its path, including the four members of ARMS.

            All was dark. That was until Gallows opened his eyes. Now everything was semi-dark, in a world of deep blue and white. 003's eyes went wide. He had read about this before. People who were caught in avalanches and buried alive in tons of snow; quickly suffocating. "Don't panic, Gallows. You can do this! You're a super agent, the best of the best, and an army of one! You're not going to let some snow get you down, even though it may be a ton or more…"

            Onkypete's quickly flew from their nests in the trees on an entirely different mountain when Gallows screams erupted in the atmosphere.

            However, despite Gallows' original beliefs, rescue came quite quickly. With a quick brush, Gallows could see daylight once more, and Jack frost bitten face.

            "Jees Gallows. There was only a centimeter or so on you…" Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

            "Uhhh… just testing you. I knew it the whole time." Gallows smiled and stood up, brushing snow off his expensive and suave coat. He turned around to see a diamond studded golden gate in the rocky mountain face with several golden statues of a beautiful maiden with long hair and flowing robes.

            "Ooh! How pretty!" Lilka clasped her hands together while admiring a statue.

            "Well someone has an ego…" Marivel commented. She tapped the snow under her to discover a golden brick path lay just underneath it. "Well what do you know?"

            "Man, these statues are hot." Jack commented to himself, looking upon the statues. "I can't wait to meet who lives here."

            Gallows frowned and looked towards the gate. "A thick metal gate huh? It may have deterred several tourists, but it is no match for Gallows Carradine!"

            The four walked up to the gate, following the golden brick path, and stopped, Gallows first. The gate was made of two golden doors, a small window (which was currently closed) and a single knocker. Marivel put her hands on her hips. "So, how do we get in quietly and stealthily?"

            Lilka looked around. "I don't see any ventilation shafts…"

                        "The answer is quite simple. Behold." Gallows stepped to the knocker and knocked with it three times.

            The window opened and a man with a large helmet covering all of his unique features gazed out. "May I help you?"

            "Is this the gemstone caverns?" Gallows asked.

            "Why yes it is! What do you want?" The soldier asked.

            "…" Gallows tapped his calf with his toe and looked back at the other three, who simply shrugged. "Um… to see your leader?"

            "No one sees the great fashion model of Oz, I mean… Gemstone caverns… Aw shucks." The soldier looked disappointed.

            "But why not!? You have to let us see her!" Lilka stepped foreword, clasping her hands together.

            "I don't have to do anything. I could stand here on the other side of this door and stick my tongue at you all day!" The soldier grabbed his lips and parted them so that his tongue could come out and offend the ARMS members.

            "…We have cookies?" Marivel asked.

            "Labwabwabwab-" The soldier took his fingers out of his mouth. "I mean, read the sign." The soldier reached an armored glove out and tapped a small sign that read 'No Solicitation'.

            Marivel, Lilka, and Gallows sighed and looked to Jack, who had his hand upon his chin deep in thought. "…We… have some dynamite?" Jack asked meekly, slipping a stick of dynamite from under his hat.

            "Well why didn't you say so!? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!" The soldier closed the window and in a moment, the doors opened wide to reveal a long dark mine stretching into a black abyss.

            "Well that was easy…" Gallows scratched his head.

            "Heh, I know. For a moment there I thought I'd have to light it, like so." Jack took out a lighter and lit the fuse to the stick.

            "JACK!" Lilka screeched, leaping back.

            "What are you doing?!" Marivel shouted.

            "What are you talking about, nothing's gonna happ- Oh shit!" Jack then noticed that he was indeed holding a lit stick of dynamite.

            "Throw it!" Gallows leaped up and down.

            "Where?!" Jack freaked.

            "Anywhere!" Lilka demanded.

            Jack did as told, and threw the stick right through the twin golden doors ahead of them.

** *

            Gears turned, drills bored, and pipes carried steam all across the complex in these deep mountain mines. Hundreds of underpaid immigrants labored away while unearthing diamonds from the dark rocks walls. Mine carts went back and forth, all emptying large amounts of diamonds into a large furnace, which was powering the ultimately huge laser cannon, hidden away within a cave.

            "Ah, I love diamonds. They are so very pretty, much like myself, do you not agree?" Melody, a very beautiful, very vain, and very evil woman with long purple hair and white robes asked her sidekick, Colette, who was a young girl wearing the exact same thing.

            "Ah yes, Melody. I luv diamonds." Colette smiled.

            Suddenly, an explosion sounded throughout the mines. Melody stood out of her throne and glared in the direction of fleeing immigrants. From the fire came four figures. "003. I thought Vassim did him in…"

            "Did him in?" Colette looked up, confused.

            "Did him in, you know… slay, slaughter, murder, assassinate, massacre, butcher, hang, lynch, electrocute, dispatch, execute, knife, sacrifice, shoot, strangle, poison, choke, smother, suffocate, asphyxiate, drown, behead, guillotine, crucify, dismember, decapitate, disembowel, quarter, tear limb from limb, destroy, give the death blow, gibe the coup de grace, put to death, deprive of life, put an end to, exterminate, stab, cut the throat of, shoot down, mangle, cut down."

            Colette nodded her head knowingly. "Ah, you mean bring down, mow down, machine-gun, pick off, liquidate, put someone out of his or her misery, starve, do away with, commit murder, bump off, rub out, wipe out, knock off, finish off, blow someone's brains out, put to sleep, brain, or zap."

            "Exactly my dear Colette. 003 and his gang should be dead, without life, not existing, expired, deceased, perished, lifeless, inanimate, late, defunct, breathless, no longer living, devoid of life, departed, brain-dead, gone, clinically dead, no more, done for, gone the way of all flesh, gone to meet one's reward, gone to meet one's maker, at rest with God, out of one's misery, snuffed out, pushing up daisies, rubbed out, wasted, liquidated, erased, gone by the board, resting in peace." Melody tapped her fingers irritably.

            "I understand perfectly." Colette nodded.

            "O.K Jack. You have let every freekin person within ten miles know we're here. Are you glad?" Marivel growled.

            "Don't get mad, get glad." Lilka said happily.

            "All right, the laser's around here somewhere. Team, let's go!" Gallows then began running down the mineshaft.

            "Stop where you are!" Melody's voice ran like a church bell.

            Gallows stopped, his eyes gazing foreword to see the most beautiful woman in his life. "Woah!"

            "Hubba hubba!" Jack panted as he met up.

            "O brother…" Marivel sighed.

            "I see my extravagant looks have smitten you. That's good, as my beauty captivates all in life, right Colette?" Melody laughed.

            "Yes ma'am!" Collete replied.

            Lilka stepped foreword. "Hi, my name is Lilka, and who may you be?"

            "My what good manners for an ARMS brat! I just happen to be Lady Melody of **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** and I'm in charge of this diamond operation!" Melody introduced herself.

            "Are you mining all of these diamonds to power your doomsday device?" Marivel asked.

            "Why not at all! Only half of them go to the laser!" Colette answered.

            "The rest go to me, for you see…" Melody picked up a diamond and watched it intently.

            "Uh oh, I feel a song coming on…" Marivel gulped.

            "Hey I want to sing too!" Lilka walked over to Melody and Colette and an entire chorus of female workers and jazz musicians appeared. Melody, of course, was lead singer.

"~The French are glad to die for Love.

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental

But diamonds are a girl's best friend

A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental

On your humble flat or help you feed your pussy cat

Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end

But square-cut or pear-shaped these rocks don't lose their shape

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

...Tiffany

...Cartier...

Cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl

Come and get me, boys

Black Star, Roscor! Talk to me, Leehalt Alceste, tell me all about it!

There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer

 But diamonds are a girl's best friend

There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer

Thinks you're awful nice

 But get that ice or else no dice

He's your guy when stocks are high, but beware when they start to descend

Oooo...Diamonds are a girl's best, Diamonds are a girls best, Diamonds are a girls best friend

Cause that's those louses go back to their spouses, Diamonds are a girl's best friend!!!!!~"

            "Lilka! Get back over here!" Marivel shouted.

            Lilka ran back, smiling as ever. "I love singing!"

            "Yea, I can tell…" Marivel sighed. "How did you ever get to be an agent?"

            "Wow! She even sings great!" Gallows sighed.

            "Yea…" Jack smiled the goofiest smile ever.

            The back up singers and musicians disappeared once more as Melody and Colette were left. Melody smirked, quite proud of herself. "You see, diamonds are very much like myself. Beautiful and well sought over."

            "Your male friends are clearly smitten. It's just you two. You can't win!" Colette taunted.

            "Well, lets see you charm your way out of this one!" Marivel pulled her twin uzi's.

            "Colette, be a dear and do something about this." Melody smiled.

            "With pleasure." Colette grinned wickedly as she pulled her own two uzi's from her pack. Melody pressed a switch and her earthly throne began to descend underground. "Arevoir!"

            "Lilka! Go after her, I'll handle the sidekick!" Marivel shouted.

            "Right!" Lilka nodded. She then ran past Colette and leaped down the shaft.

            "Let's go!" Colette shouted.

            Marivel knocked the two men down and ran forward, firing her twin guns. The two were evenly matched in both skill and armament. Marivel dived behind a drill and fired as Colette took cover behind a large pipe.

            Lilka took out her Desert Eagle as she landed in what seemed to be an ironworks. Large, blazing cauldrons full of molten metal lined the world beneath, as she was on a catwalk. She could easily identify Melody running off down the path.

            "Freeze Please!" Lilka shouted.

            Melody stopped and turned to see the girl. "Damn."

            "You'll have to stop all this stuff your doing! It's against the laws and ARMS won't allow it!" Lilka said as she came closer to the beautiful woman.

            "Who gives a damn! Breaking the rules is fun and glamorous!" Melody spat.

            "Hurting people isn't fun! Loving them is! We can all have a great time if we just have eternal love." Lilka preached.

            "Ick. Your look on life sickens me. You should stop impersonating Flonne and give up. Number One is too powerful for any of us! He rules and we all get part of the glory!" Melody shook her head.

            Suddenly a great explosion from the above level shook everything, causing the two women to fall to their knees, and Lilkas gun to fall into the cauldron below. Melody reached into her robes and pulled out her own gun.

            "Say goodbye, girly!" Melody threatened.

            "Um… why?" Lilka asked, not clear as to what was going on like a good idiot.

            "Do we have to go over this again?" Melody rolled her exquisite eyes. "Because I'm about to do you in, slay, slaughter, murder, assassinate, massacre, butcher, hang, lynch, electrocute, dispatch, execute, knife, sacrifice, shoot, strangle, poison, choke, smother, suffocate, asphyxiate, drown, beh-"

            Melody's gun flew from her hand as a gun shot echoed throughout the molten works, Melody grabbed for her hand, seeing it grow swollen from such a force. She angrily spun around, demanding to know who had shot the gun from her hand…

** *

            Gallows shook his head and stood up. He was in a world of white mist. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. The world looked very much the same. "Hey, what's going on?"

            "You tell me." Jack said, standing right next to him.

            "Get down!" Marivel's voice clearly shouted. Gallows and Jack rolled to left as bullets flew across the earth. The gunfight was still going on; seeing how an exploded pipe would not stop it. Not able to see where they were going, the two tripped over a rock and fell into a mine cart which immediately began to roll into the vast depths of the mines. After a quick and eerily roller coaster track, the cart skidded to a halt in a dark hallway. Gallows looked up while Jack pretended he wasn't vomiting. Before them was a small door, glowing from orange light within.

            "Hey Jack, I'm going in! I think the laser's in there!" Gallows hopped out of the cart.

            "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that hotdog before I went on this ride…" Jack groaned.

            Gallows slipped into the room, immediately hiding behind a large crate of diamonds. The room was very orange, as the thousands of diamonds were reflecting the light of a golden creature sleeping in the middle of the room. The creature, resembling a giant snapping turtle with diamonds coming from its shell, opened an eye as Gallows entered.

            "Who's there?!" The creature bellowed in a deep voice.

            "…Nobody but us diamonds!" Gallows said in a high-pitched voice.

            "You can't fool me, puny human. I am Power Trask, and I have been in every Wild ARMs to date, so do not underestimate me." The creature, Power Trask, stated.

            "Um… okay." Gallows replied.

            "Come out so that I can see you, puny human that would steal my diamonds." Trask demanded.

            "No thanks, I'm good right here. Say, have you seen a laser around here?" Gallows asked.

            "Huh huh huh. A laser. Why would a human like you be seeking a laser? You very well know that if you steal my treasures, you will die." Trask bellowed once more.

            "…No I didn't."

            "Oh… well, now you do. So, are you still seeking my treasures, after my very potent warning?"

            "…Do you own the laser?"

            "Yes it is mine, all that confines within my treasure horde is mine."

            "But did you buy it?"

            "Your silly ideas such as capitalism and monetary gain mean nothing to one as old and powerful as Power Trask!" Trask then swerved around and breathed a beam of pure energy, darkening a spot on the wall nowhere near Gallows. "Now come out so that I can see you!"

            "Capitalism is everything! For instance, say you have two cows. With capitalism, you can sell one of your cows and buy a bull so they can get it on and you can have baby cows to sell!"

            "Why would I buy a cow when I can pluck one from the human villages below!? If you are so wise, then tell me this!"

            "Um… because it's sporty?"

            "Wrong answer!" Trask then fried yet another energy breath cone, trying to destroy the annoying voice. But Gallows was safely hidden. "My hearing is acute and my sense of smell superb. You do not stand a chance, thief!"

            "Then why can't you hit me you old bag of hot air!? I don't care if your **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** or not, I'm taking that laser!"

            "Don't worry Gallows! I'm here to save you!" Jack rushed into the door, carrying so many different forms of guns, axes, swords, daggers, bows, crossbows, arrows, darts, spears, and other weaponry he almost fell over. Gallows slapped himself in the face. His plan was ruined.

            "More thieves! No one steals from the great Power Trask! RAAAAAAAA!" An energy beam went flying towards Jack, completely demolishing the hallway behind him. Jack dropped all the weaponry in surprise.

            "Oh shit!" Jack swallowed.

            Gallows stood up. "Quickly! We must obtain "A LASER"!"

**Choose a character!**

**Marivel**: Battle of the uzi's!

**Lilka**: The mysterious gunman!

**Gallows and Jack**: Obtaining the laser from the hideous beast Power Trask!

To Be Continued!!!!!

            -+-

            Teefa85: Kannon is uber, ne?

            Meteor9: Thanks for the comments!

            Hana no Kaze: Sure, send me a hentai, but I already have a Wild ARMs hentai (and it's Ginny and Maya too!)

            Yahiko: …What was I doing?

            Tolkien fan: Yes, I know who Trask resembles here, sheesh!

            Ronald McDonald: No, I will not write you in. stop calling me.

INSERT FUNNY COMMENT HERE!


	11. Live and Let Die

**XI: Live and Let Die**

            Colette stepped forward, glaring daggers through the mist. "Give it up already, sheesh! You know that gunfights are especially hard to write when you're trying to make them realistic!"

            Marivel slipped a cartridge (of the Sega Genesis kind) into her Uzi and locked it into place as she crouched behind a big ol' rock. "Then why don't YOU give up?"

            Collete stopped and placed a finger to her chin in thought. "Why don't I give up? Hmmm… must be for …the Buddha…"

            Marivel blinked. "…The Buddha?"

            The steam dissipated as Colette appeared, hands on hips, standing before an enormous dark red Buddha statue. The Buddha was of the Chinese quality, being a fat man with a cup of something in one hand and reaching towards the heavens with the other. Colette laughed. "Yes, the Buddha! I did it all for the Buddha, the Buddha, the Buddha! I did it all for the Buddha, so you can just stick it up your-"

            "Alright that's enough. I'm not going to take your Buddha! I'm here for the laser!" Marivel barked.

            "What?! But miss Melody said you guys were coming to take me jolly ol' Buddha!" Colette said, unbelieving.

            Marivel sighed as she put away her uzi's. "What would I want with a Buddha? I'm a Crimson Noble! All we collect are coffins and guillotines and the like."

            "Oh." Colette said. "Then I'll give up. If it doesn't involve the Buddha, then I have no quarrel."

            "…But what about your loyalty to Melody?" Marivel tilted her head in curiosity.

            "Oh don't worry about that. I'm still as loyal as ever." Colette turned to the eight foot Buddha behind her. "Buddha, do your thing!"

            The jolly eyes of the Buddha blazed to life and the statue began to move, standing up. "BUDDHA!"

            "Well, what do you think now?" Colette laughed. "It's all too easy now!"

            Marivel gulped and stepped back a couple feet. "Aw shit!"

            "Buddha crush attack go!" Colette laughed.

            "BUDDHA!" The Buddha then curled into a ball and began rolling towards Marivel. Marivel quickly began running down the mineshaft as the Buddha rolled after her.

            "What the hell is going on?!" Marivel shouted as she ran for her life. The great red Buddha was closing in and the downhill slope of the path only made things harder. Marivel then gained an idea and stopped.

            "Quebly! Your master calls you!" Marivel shouted.

            The earth erupted as the giant drill robot appeared before the oncoming Buddha. "QUEBLY." The drill bellowed, as it's massive eye searched for the target. But it was too late. The Buddha smashed into Quebly, poking his eye and knocking the whole contraption over. Marivel stepped back, her eyes growing wide.

            "Quickly Quebly! Explode!" Marivel shouted.

            "You know, why don't you try this once in a while hmmm? I mean, it's not easy just being summoned and exploding all the time, you know." Quebley sniffed, trying to wipe his injured eye with his tiny arms. "You owe me sister."

            Quebly then proceeded to explode, demolishing the mine shaft and the floor structure, sending the entire level down one, and so on and so forth until Marivel, and Colette (Oh, and the Buddha) were sent falling into an ebony abyss. (Oh, alliteration!)

            ** *

            "THIEVES WILL DIE UPON ENTERING MY HORDE! RAAAAAA!" Power Trask breathed another energy attack, blazing through the rock side that was his home. Gallows and Jack quickly ran ahead of it, trying not to get their rears burned.

            "Jeebus Christ! Where the heck is this laser?!" Jack gasped.

            "Dunno, but we got to find it!" Gallows replied coolly. "As it is our mission!"

            "Hey! How come your all sounding cool and suave all of a sudden?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

            "Well someone has to get back into character!" Gallows rolled his eyes.

            The giant monster clawed forward, crawling along his belly while trying to snap up his prey. Gallows fell over a small diamond crate as Jack ran by. Trask's enormous powerful jaws were closing in. Would this be the end of our hero? No, it will be not! Thanks for playing though, please try again. As Trask's jaws were about to close upon 003, a big red Buddha fell upon Trask's head, temporary stunning the creature.

            "What the?! A Buddha?!" Gallows gasped.

            Jack shrugged. "The Lord works in mysterious ways." Suddenly, landing in his outstretched hands, fell Colette. Jack grinned and looked to the sky. "Thanks Lord."

            But Jacks pleasure was short lived, as Marivel fell upon his cowboy hat, knocking him down into the diamond pile. Marivel sat up and rubbed her back. "Thanks for breaking my fall Jack."

            "Guh. Don't mention it." Jack groaned as his head was underneath her.

            "Marivel?! What are YOU doing here? Aren't you supposed to be fighting something?" Gallows stood up, hands crossed against his chest.

            Marivel stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "What are YOU doing here, Gallows?! Aren't you supposed to be looking for a laser?!"

            "I AM!" Both shouted at once and turned away from each other. After a second they both looked back to each other. "That was weird." They blinked and barked again "Hey! Stop imitating me! No, you!"

            "Guys!" Jack interrupted. "Let's pull ourselves together." Jack flashed an award-winning grin. "We should be happy that we are all back together. After all, the more the merrier, safety in numbers, that whole bit." Jack then looked to Colette who was sitting on a crate nearby. "Well hello little miss. What is your name?"

            "Jack your pathetic. She's like fourteen." Marivel sighed.

            "Hey, I'm just trying to be polite." Jack growled.

            "Hey, what happened to all the rocks?" Colette asked.

            "What rocks?" Gallows asked.

            As if on cue, all of the debris from the above floors crashed down upon them, shattering the horde and sending all of the characters below another set of floors with a whole lot of screaming.

            ** *

            Melody was very angry. "I am very angry!" Melody spat. See?

            "Wow…" Lilka was in awe, for her life had been saved due to a mysterious man… or woman… or… thing? Yea, something had saved her life. A gunman, or gunwoman, or gunthing, was shrouded in darkness standing on a parallel catwalk over the iron smelting cauldrons below.

            "Now now, a beautiful woman such as yourself shouldn't be angry. It creates wrinkles." A charming and suave masculine voice called from the shrouded figure.

            "Ack! You're so correct!" Melody panicked. "My beauty cannot be distorted by such trivial things! Quickly, I need a mirror! COLETTE!"

            "COMING MADAM!" Colette's voice grew louder and louder as she fell from the world above. Melody, Lilka, and the mysterious gun-toting stranger were in surprise as the cast and crew, with a few props, fell down onto the catwalks. Marivel landed on her feet, quickly drawing her uzi's. Colette landed upon her feet as well, quickly sifting through her bag for the item Melody had requested. Jack landed on his rear and immediately set to cursing every thing in the whole wide world in Spanish, and Gallows landed upon his face. The many rocks and the enormous Trask fell beyond the catwalks into the ironworks below, quickly dissipating in the molten metal.

            "What the hell is going on?!" Melody asked, confused.

            "Someone explain that to me…" Gallows said.

            "Look out!" The mysterious gunman shouted. The six others watched in horror as Power Trask rose from the metal, wrapped in fire. Power Trask let out a cry to curdle the blood and reached for the catwalk with an enormous golden claw. The mysterious gun man grinned and leaped towards it, firing one bullet from a small concealed handgun. The stranger landed before Marivel and Gallows, and Trask fell limp into the burning cauldrons.

            Jet Enduro, 002, nodded and blew smoke from the barrel of his gun. "That one almost made it."

            Hearts instantly filled Melody's, Marivel's, and Lilka's eyes as they all clasped their own hands together. "What a hunk!"

            Jack scratched his head as Gallows rubbed his chin. Jack blinked and finally spoke up. "Hey, aren't you Jet Enduro, 002?!"

            "Indeed I am." Jet smiled, receiving sighs of love from the three women.

            "But, uh… aren't you dead?" Jack looked confused.

            "Yea! You died in that underground lab explosion a year ago!" Gallows stepped forward, a fist clenched.

            "Hey, has anyone seen the Buddha?" Colette wasn't paying any attention. But she wasn't receiving any either, so when the Buddha fell out of the sky a moment after she spoke, no one knew that it had struck her dead on, broke through the catwalk, and both of them were falling to their dooms.

            "Man, this sucks." Colette sighed while she fell.

            "I didn't die at all." Jet began, taking a seat upon the handrails. "It was a clever rouse to fool** P.R.O.P.H.E.T **into lowering their guard, and boy did they ever."

            "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Jack growled.

            "Are you insulting 003 and his crack commando team?!" Gallows asked.

            "Hi, my name is Marivel, want to go out for coffee, big boy?" Marivel asked, showcasing a goofy grin.

            "You bitch! He's my man!" Melody seemingly pulled out a baseball bat from nowhere and struck Marivel with full force, sending her flying down the catwalk a ways.

            Jet, acting as if nothing was happening, simply walked aside as Marivel and Melody proceeded to beat the living daylights -Oh! That's a Bond film right there! - out of each other. "Let me inform you on what's really happening…" Jet looked behind him to see Lilka following him, smiling and gazing at him silently with huge love struck eyes. Jet shrugged and turned back to the two agents. "The plan was this: I pretend to die and lay low for a while so **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** lowers its guard. When that happened, ARMS would send in the worst possible recruits they had to go in and give them a false sense of security. When the right information was discovered, I would reappear and clean up the mission. But I have to say this, you guys did better than everyone thought."

            The sound of glass shattering could be heard as Lilka's young and innocent heart broke. "W-what?"

            Even Marivel dropped her giant mace and looked to Jet. "Is that true?"

            "All of it is. With the diamond mine now under ARMS control, we now have all of the energy sources for the laser." Jet nodded.

            "Oh, my darling 002, the laser's not here anymore! They moved it away before you came! I'm so sorry, but you can take me instead!" Melody batted her eyes.

            Jet flicked his wrist and a Melody was in handcuffs. She blushed, getting the wrong impression, and giggled like a little schoolgirl. Lilka and Marivel rejoined Jack and Gallows, hurt and scorn in their eyes.

            "I can't believe this…" Jack sighed.

            "So, 002, what are we supposed to do now?" Gallows asked.

            Jet sighed, as if getting bored with the conversation. "Go home. I've got the rest."

            "Go… home?" Lilka echoed, each word sounding as if it were the end of the world.

            "But what about my vengeance for Tim, and my plan to become a numbered agent…?" Marivel asked herself, sounding disappointed.

            "And my plans to meet all of the glamorous women of the world?" Jack asked him self, repeating his ambitions.

            "And I'm supposed to become as famous as 002… that won't happen if we go home." Gallows, with fire in his eyes, looked up at the super agent who had begun walking away. "No! We're not through yet!"

            "Things are going to heat up from here. You won't make it." Jet turned to face them.

            "We've come this far together, and we'll finish this mission together!" Gallows replied, determination filling his voice.

            "You've got nothing to run on, no clues or leads. I got mine right here." Jet pointed to Melody. "Luck can't last you forever."

            "No… but love and friendship can!" Lilka stated.

            "We've got the skills if we just work together!" Jack crossed his arms.

            "It's dangerous out there, and I won't be at your side to help you. If you get stuck in a jam against the top dogs of P.R.O.P.H.E.T, you're on your own." Jet warned.

            "We're not alone…" Marivel said quietly. "As much as I hate to say it, but… we've got each other to rely on…" She looked to her teammates and smiled.

            "Suit yourselves." Jet shrugged. "Just watch out for 001."

            "001?" Gallows echoed.

            "He's betrayed us and is now fighting for them. Even my skills will be put to the test against him. You won't stand a chance." Jet advised.

            Gallows smirked. "Well bring him on! We can handle anything!"

            Jet smirked in reply. "We'll see. Till we meet again." And then he quickly vanished.

            "…I'm scared…" Lilka admitted.

            "To be honest, I am too…" Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

            "Now that 002's out there, the tougher agents should be coming out of the woodwork. Think you idiots can take them on?" Marivel asked.

            "Yea. We've gotta, in order to beat out 002! …Man this is getting sappy."

            Suddenly, Trask rose from cauldron, Colette on top along with the Buddha. "Hahaha! P.R.O.P.H.E.T forever! Trask's hp has reached 0, and since he's a boss, he's gonna explode! See you agents in hell, I've gotta report!" Collete leaned over and rubbed the Buddha's belly, causing them both to teleport to who-know's-where.

            "What?! Since when do monsters explode?!" Gallows stepped back.

            Marivel sighed. "Haven't you ever played an RPG before?"

            "Do they have explosive organs or something?" Jack pondered.

            "Ack! We just have to get out of here!" Lilka screeched.

            ** *

            The four of them leaped out of the mine and onto the snowy slopes of the mountain face as a great explosion rocked the earth, sending rocks and fire into the blue sky. Somehow, Lilka, Jack, and Marivel had obtained ski's while Gallows had a snowboard. Jazzy music began to play as Gallows leaped into the air and posed as the mountain cap exploded in the distance.

                Awww yea…


	12. The Man With the Golden Gun

**XII: The Man With The Golden Gun**

**"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" – Charles Dickens, _A Tale of Two Cities._**

****

******"Wax on, wax off." – Mr. Miyagi, "_The Karate Kid."_**

****

            ** *

_            "They had once told me that a great people lived here at one time. They had said that they had built great cities with giant towers made of stone, and transported themselves by means of machines called cars. They had told me many things, but I did not believe them. Old Housewife stories told by senile old men. No, I did not believe them, until I saw that city with my own two eyes, for upon a quest of mine through the frigid snowcaps of a remote mountain pass I did stumble upon the ruins of enormous buildings locked in the ice. An entire city of them, these buildings, standing here as real as you or me. That is when I believed them." _Marivel put down her pen and reread her paragraph. She nodded, approvingly, as she thought it was a fine piece of work.

            "So Marivel, where to now?" Gallows asked, rubbing his hands together to try and keep warm. They were still on the snow capped mountain face, resting beneath a canopy of frost-laden evergreens. Marivel closed her eyes, wishing the real world would just disappear. "The ruined city of the mountain pass?"

            Marivel instantly clapped her book shut and turned to meet Gallows, who was grinning like a boy who had done something he shouldn't. "You've been reading my journal! And what's worse, you're reading it over my shoulder!"

            "Eh, it's so-so, but I believe George is acting a bit out of character…" Gallows shrugged.

            "How can he act out of character?! This isn't pointless fan-fiction! George is my character and so I can make him act any way I want him to!" Marivel spat. She crossed her arms and snorted. "Where did Jack and Lilka get to?"

            "Hola!" Jack's voice rang clear as a Mexican pizza in a frosty wilderness. Marivel and Gallows looked southward to see Jack and Lilka come through the forest, clad in Southwestern apparel.

            "What's with the get-up?" Gallows questioned the two as they arrived.

            "You know how you told us to seek out food? Well, we found food! We found an entire city!" Lilka giggled with excitement.

            "A city?! In the mountain?!" Marivel was amazed.

            Jack shook his head. "Naw, it's in the desert flats below. That's why we took so long."

            Gallows' face dropped. "You didn't have to go that far."

            "Well, what's the town called? Do they have an ARMS office?" Marivel quizzed.

            "It's fairly simple to presume that ARMS is not a well looked upon word there." Jack said matter-of-factly. "We had to pretend not to be ARMs when asked."

** *

            "Hey bub." A big guy said to Jack, noticeably earlier in the day.

            "Yea?" Jack replied.

            "You ARMS?" The guys said, scowling and cracking his knuckles.

            "Uh… no?"

            "Oh Good! We don't like them ARMS types, nor them SEEDS or any other anti-terrorist units or mercenary groups!" The guy said happily.

            "O.K. Don't worry, you can trust me." Jack winked.

** *

            "And end flashback." Jack closed a little film scene aid.

            "It's great if you don't mind all the grubby people!" Lilka exclaimed. "They call it the city of dreamers!"

            "And what's it called?" Gallows and Marivel asked in sync.

            "Las Gomoras!" Jack and Lilka answered in unison.

            "…Never heard of it." Gallows replied.

            "C'mon! Let's go right now! It's cold up here!" Jack pleaded.

            "Yay! It's lots of fun down there! All these pretty lights and fancy games!" Lilka clasped her hands together.

            "Pfft. You two are like little kids." Gallows smirked. He then turned to Marivel. "Can we go?! Please? Please?"

            Marivel looked down the mountain, past the trees. "A town without an ARMS branch may be out of our way. We have to get information on that laser, remember?"

            "Oh c'mon! It's a seedy little grub hole in the desert! There's bound to be tons of information!" Gallows exclaimed while putting his snowboard gear together.

            Marivel thought for a moment and finally nodded. "Alright, let's go."

            "Yahoo!" Lilka leaped into her skis before… something really fast could happen.

            "Alright! Lady luck, here I come!" Jack laughed.

            And so, the four put on their skis and snowboard, and slipped out of the forest with rather pleasant ease and speed. The powder was fresh and smooth, making it a perfect reason to ski. It was all fun and games till…

            "HAHAHA!" A black helicopter with P.R.O.P.H.E.T rose over a snow bank and the unmistakable voice of Dakota Sierra laughed within it. "I have you know, ARMS! You'll never escape!"

            "Aw crap." Jack groaned.

            Suddenly, from hidden snow banks along their sides, came three P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents on rocket powered skis with machine guns.

            "Aw double crap." Jack groaned some more.

            "You cannot beat the Sierra Gang! Now prepare to die!" Dakota cackled.

            "Wyoming, you take the cowboy hat one. Utah, you take the little girl." A tanned man with a pencil thin moustache and a tanned rawhide coat shouted.

            "Who are you and Dakota going after, Nevada?" Utah asked as coolly as he could muster, smiling an award-winning grin to all the lady fans out there.

            "I'll go after the vampire!" Nevada grinned.

            "AND I'VE GOT YOU, 003!" Dakota fired a missile at the speeding Baskar, but Gallows managed to leap off a conveniently placed ramp and avoid the explosion all together.

            "Heh. Come and get some!" Gallows smirked, cool and suave like, until he flew head first into the snowdrift ahead of him. "Ouch."

            "So you want to take me on eh?" Marivel smiled, revealing her fangs. "You'd better be pretty confident in your abilities!"

            "Oh I am! I'm a master skier." Nevada replied, firing his submachine gun into her direction.

            "Aw crap some more." Jack groaned.

            Marivel leaped into the air over a massive fissure in the ground, sailing through the air on her skis, hoping to leave her pursuer behind. She turned around in mid-air and puller out her uzi's and fired, whilst Nevada's rocket powered skis had him flying over the fissure as well.

            Jack swerved off to the right through a small alpine grove, hoping to ditch the giant sombrero clad Wyoming. The trees did not provide such relief, as Wyoming simply knocked them down with his enormous strength. Jack gulped as he saw enormous evergreen after enormous evergreen fall to the enraged P.R.O.P.H.E.T agent.

            "Eep! Got to think, got to think!" Jack panicked. He looked forward, trying to spot out a useful item. A beehive, a giant rock, a shoulder mounted gauss rifle, and a fire hydrant were coming into view. "Aha!" Jack concluded. As he skied by, Jack slipped a very long pole out of his hat and batted the beehive, causing the tiny insects to swarm out into the mountain forest and seek revenge for the injustice bestowed upon their clan. And it just so happen that Wyoming was skiing by at that time. With a many grunt of pain, Wyoming was lost to the bees as Jack escaped the forest and onto empty mountain slope.

            "Hahaha! It appears I am the victor!" Jack smiled right before flying off the mountain and off a cliff.

            Of the thousands of bullets raining down from above the fissure, none were able to hit their target. Nevada and Marivel were pressing each other's foreheads, trying to get a bullet into each other. Marivel's Uzi finally clicked empty.

            "Heh, looks like your empty!" Nevada smirked with confidence.

            "Bet your empty too…" Marivel replied.

            "I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?" Nevada handled the wrong gun menacingly.

            Marivel smirked. "…Yea, I do."

            Nevada pushed forward the gun and pulled the trigger and fired, but only a click was heard.

            Suddenly, Sierra's chopper pulled up besides them while they hovered in air. "You guys do realize your still in thin air."

            Nevada licked his teeth, not turning from Marivel. "Yea, I do."

            "Me too." Marivel nodded. "On three, we reload."

            "Right. One…"

            "Two…"

            "Three!" The two pushed off each other, landing on firm snow and immediately setting off down the mountain while reaching for gun cartridges. However, they were covered in a shower of powder as Lilka and Utah rocketed before them.

            "Can't catch me!" Lilka teased.

            "Oh, I bet I can!" Utah sneered, pulling out his archaic buccaneers pistol.

            "Not if I do this!" Lilka reached into her sleeve and withdrew several crest cards. "Saint!"

            The light attack flew backwards, attacking Utah with all of its magnificence. Utah fired a few shots, but eventually fell over and began snowballing down the powedery slope, rolling right past Lilka, who giggled at his frosty expense.

            "Don't look now Gallows, but there's a giant snowball coming for you!" Jack shouted as he fell off the mountain to Gallows as the two flew down the slope.

            Gallows nodded. "All right. If I can't see it, it doesn't exist."

            "…O.K, you may want to look…" Jack shrugged.

            Gallows looked behind him to see a giant snowball rolling behind him. With a look of surprise, Gallows shifted his direction to the side, only to notice the snowball make suit. A ramp was coming, and if Gallows could make it, he'd be home free. He locked his lips (Which is bad to do in cold weather) and leaned forward. He made it off the ramp and flew through the thin blue sky, as well as the giant snowball.

            "Hahaha! I've got you now!" Dakota laughed as she pulled right in front of the sailing Gallows. Gallows shifted direction, landing on the outstretched little missile carrier wing as the giant Utah snowball collided into the cockpit, causing it to swerve out of control. The chopper began to drop, falling towards Filgaia below. Gallows looked out to the sky while holding on for dear life to see Jack still falling.

            "Hey! Aren't you going to help me?!" Jack screeched.

            "What do you expect me to do?! I'm falling to!" Gallows yelled.

            "Oh… so sorry."

            "No need to apologize."

            Both agent heard a noise and looked behind Jack to see a very red Wyoming parachuting down, using his sombrero as a parachute.

            "Jack! Quickly! Use that sombrero you got in town as a parachute!" Gallows called out.

            Jack nodded and grabbed the edges of the sombrero. It immediately puffed out, stopping Jacks descent to an almost complete stop. Gallows leaped off the falling chopper and grabbed onto Jack's pants, which fell down t his ankles.

            "This is uncomfortable…" Jack thought.

            "What do you think I feel like?!" Gallows closed his eyes shut.

            The two drifted down to the desert floor, where Lilka stood awaiting them. She giggled as she saw Jack's boxers, which made Jack turn red.

            "O.K, 003, you can open your eyes now." Jack said as he fastened his belt together.

            Gallows opened his eyes and looked around to see Marivel skiing down the last bit of mountain. Marivel stopped and wiper her brow. "Woo, that was a great fight! Probably the best one in this entire mission!"

            "Uh huh. Say what happened to the enemy?" Gallows asked.

            An enormous explosion soon sounded as the chopper hit the ground. Lilka looked up and pointed to two parachutes. "They're they are! I hope they make it out O.K."

            Jack, Marivel, and Gallows looked to Lilka with a disappointed appearance. They sighed and looked to Jack.

            "So, how far is Las Vegas?" Marivel asked.

            "No, it's Las Gomoras. And come, I'll show you!" Jack then pried off his skis and began walking through the desert, Lilka at his side, as the four wandered off.

            ** *

            Nevada rolled up to the just arriving P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents in his wheel chair. He was mummified in one giant body cast. Dakota kicked the ground with irritation. "They got away."

            Utah was completely blue due to the snowball, and Wyoming resembled a swollen basketball more than man. They looked to each other as the chopper pilot got away pretty much unharmed. "How about we never go near them again?" Utah asked, rubbing his hands together.

            Dakota scowled and put her hands on her hips. "As long as Number One says we must fight! We fight! Onward men! We head back to base for now!"

** *

            Next time, on "_From Baskar With Love_"…

**_Lilka: Lilka here! Las Gomoras is great fun! I love it here!_**

_Marivel: It's not all that great…_

**_Lilka: Lot's of fun games to play and all the root beer you can drink!_**

_Marivel: Just don't get into debt up to your eyeballs!_

**_Lilka: Oh Marivel, you're so pessa-pessa…_**

_Marivel: Pessimistic?_

**_Lilka: That's it! We're gonna make new friends and roll the dice next time on "FROM BASKAR WITH LOVE"!_**

_Marivel: Ung, Casino puns…_

**_Lilka: Next Episode: The Spy Who Loved Me! Get ready!_******


	13. The Spy Who Loved Me

**XIII: The Spy Who Loved Me**

_            The following preview has been rated WA for obvious reasons…_

**_[A tall young man with a shaven face and a well dressed suit is standing behind a podium before a courthouse full of respectful senators. The man clears his throat and narrows his eyes.]_**

_Man: As many of you know, the president of the Federal Republic of Filgaia has been assassinated, and it is, with a heavy heart, that I, the vice president Frederick Lewis, accept the office of the President. My first act as president is one that must be made for the larger good. To end the senseless blood shed raging through the frontier, I demand that we repeal the Arizona act of which the former president passed ten years ago, which we all know made it illegal to hunt and kill the Superior, or demon, race. It is because of this act that so much controversy has spilled over, turning into gunfights and feuds of epic proportions. Though we may have a separation of church and state, I believe the majority of Filgaians will agree that in order to stop this crises, we must allow the light of Abram, our savior, to reach us and eliminate the dark child of Adam, demon kind._

**_[The senators all go wild, save a few, and stand up, clapping.]_**

_** *_

**_[A young female secretary runs into the chief council room and loudly announces her warning.]_**

_Secretary: The Arizona political party has just announced that Slayheim, along with the Baskar, have seceded from the union of nations!"_

_** *_

**_[A familiar sight, Siegfried, is walking in front of several rag tag battalions in a lightwood. They are all either too young or too old, and their rifles rusty.]_**

_Siegfried: They have hunted us for as long as we can remember! Our nation suffers from the narrow eye of Abram, due to the fact that we were created against Abram's will by Adam, and so we are the dark, unloved children. Throughout history, we have been persecuted for nothing more than our blood. And now, our political influence has lost us. All of our efforts to place the Arizona act have failed, and now the new president declares our kind as game once more. **[begins shouting.] **THIS IS NOT A WAR OVER THE RIGHT TO VOTE, OR THE RIGHT OF SPEECH! THIS IS A WAR BEING FOUGHT OVER THE RIGHT TO EXIST!"_

_** *_

**_[A Federal Republic of Filgaia general is marching before several battalions of well-dressed Filgaian soldiers in a sunny filed.]_**

_Filgaian General: We will not allow any people to secede from our nation! This land, from the wilds of the Sunset Frontier to Dune Canyon, is all Filgaia, and belongs to Filgaians. We must strive with every sinew in our body to preserve the union of our four nations!_

_** *_

**_[Several Elw and Baskar soldiers are marching off over the distance. A young Elw man is marching when approached by a young female Elw with a red bandana.]_**

_Florina: Vassim! Don't go!_

_Vassim: I must little sis. For too long have our people been at the mercy of the white man. We know must fight back in order to protect our way of life! I'll be back, you'll see. The Guardians will protect me._

_** *_

**_[Filgaian colonel is drilling young, inexperienced soldiers in a training camp. He approaches a short silver haired boy.]_**

_Colonel: And why do you fight, son?_

_Boy: I fight in order to preserve our way of life and religion, sir, and to protect my loved ones!_

_Colonel: And who do you fight for?_

_Boy: The 148th Sylvaland Battalion, sir!_

_Colonel: Wrong, you fight for The Union of the Federal Republic of Filgaia!_

_** *_

**_[Huge battle commences. Riflemen are spraying bullets everywhere, whereas cannons knock entire units out in one gory explosion. Bodies of the dead of all three sides line this forsaken town. One woman in a Filgaian Uniform leads a charge towards Siegfried's units atop several hills.]_**

_Anastasia: Now or never! To preserve the union! Charge!_

**_[Her and her men start charging up a hill before being completely decimated by a series of land mines and cannon fire, along with demon abilities. The remaining men, along with Anastasia clash head on, outside a small town.]_**

_Narrator: The greatest war ever fought upon Filgaia will finally be remembered. An age forgotten will be retold. And the trials of the human saga will be experienced once more, all on one battlefield._

****

**_DAEMONSBURG_**__

_And now, our feature presentation…_

** *

            It was snowing, which was strange, because it was the middle of a hot desert and only hours before it felt like summer heat. Las Gomoras lied before Gallows, Marivel, Jack and Lilka in all of its awe and glory. It was a big, vibrant, well-lit town standing before an enormous mesa, in which the words "Las Gomoras" was spelled out in huge neon letters. It wasn't even after one foot into the city in which Gallows was greeted by two people he didn't expect at all.

            "What are you doing here you stupid oaf?!" Haile appeared, knocking on Gallows head with her cane.

            Marivel couldn't help but laugh as 003 got the beat down when Shane arrived. Jack and Lilka looked confused, but then, when did they not look the part? "Uh, do you know Gallows, ma'am?" Lilka asked.

            "Humph, impudent young girl! Of course I do, I oughta know my own grandson when I see him!" Haile replied, letting Gallows free of eternal bonking.

            "I don't know, you look kinda old…" Jack whistled. His claim was cut short by a dreadfully placed kick from Marivel. "What are you saying about old women?! I'm well over a thousand and we old people get along just fine!"

            "Wow! Over a thousand? What were the dinosaurs like, Marivel?" Lilka pondered. She, too, received a painful beating from an enraged Marivel.

            "Getting back to the point, what are you doing here Granny? Aren't you supposed to be watching the village?" Gallows rubbed his head.

            "The village is perfectly fine." Haile nodded. "Shane and I left it with a perfectly good substitute chief!"

** *

            The chief from Wild ARMs2 is standing on top of that big rock before the entire village. "All right my fellow Baskars, the world is coming to an end! The shaman has felt it in his bones and now we must save Filgaia! We must appease Gaia, the collective guardian, and kill ourselves right now!"

            The Baskar villagers look to each other, shrug, and raise daggers to their hearts…

** *

            "Yup, good hands." Haile nodded.

            "You still haven't said anything of why you guys are here…" Gallows groaned.

            "We've done as any Native Ameri-imean Baskar would do and purchase a casino! We're tax exempt!" Shane explained. "Actually, we purchased the entire town with government grants and funds, so we're striking it rich the Ameri-imean Baskar way!"

            "Uh huh. Say, arn't you supposed to be called Crazy Horse?" Marivel asked.

            "Hey, this isn't a sequel, so I got to revert back to my Mediavision name!" Shane waved a finger.

            "You haven't said why you're here boy! Speak up!" Haile tapped Gallows with her cane.

            Gallows winced. "Ow! Will you stop doing that! With all the abuse I get, your lucky I haven't turned out to be some kind of criminal!"

            "That's because it's loving abuse." Haile said wisely.

            "We're here to obtain information." Jack said.

            "And to have fun!" Lilka giggled.

            "BUT more on the information side." Marivel responded.

            "And have fun!" Lilka repeated.

            Marivel turned to Lilka and growled. "INFORMATION!"

            Lilka stared right into Marivel's vampire eyes. "FUN!"

            "INFORMATION!

            "FUN!"

            "INFOMRATION!"

            "FUN!"

            "Informative fun." Gallows interrupted. "Say, why is it snowing?"

            "Don't you know? It's Christmas!" Shane said.

            "Huh?" The four agents replied.

            "Christmas! Oh, that's right, you guys aren't into meta-gaming. Look, think outside the box here." Shane explained.

            "Ohhhhhh…" The four agents looked to each other, enlightened.

            "But wait, we don't even know who Christ is. We apparently worship this Abram guy, according to the preview above…" Jack said.

            "This is the problem with fan fiction. You just don't make up gods or insert other religions into a religion-less world." Marivel said all-a-matter-of-factly. "And besides, Christmas was in December. It's been a while since then."

            "Not so. The author didn't have time for a Christmas fic in time, so we're making it up." Shane said. "So in the spirit of being jolly, have some free casino chips! It's on us!" 

            Lilka, Gallows, and Jack immediately grabbed for some, whereas Marivel crossed her arms. "No thanks, we really don't need to pay you guys back."

            "But they're free!" Shane and Gallows exclaimed.

            "Whatever." Marivel sighed.

            Around a corner, a very large man in a white overcoat and a small boy with blue hair and tanned clothes were eavesdropping.

            "Hey Keil, doesn't this sound kinda familiar?" The boy asked the giant one eyed man.

            "Yea, but what doesn't around here?" Keil shrugged. "Come on Cheyenne, we got to find that body…"

            "Yea, yea. Talk about messing up a TV series…" Cheyenne shrugged and followed the giant out of the picture.

            ** *

"~Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad

Prospero año y Felicidad

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart.~" A very festive mariachi was playing all sorts of southwestern Christmas songs in the main lobby of a casino, disguised as a alpine lodge. It had mysteriously grown dark out and Jack, Lilka, Marivel, and Gallows were all seated in a circle on the wooden floor, sipping hot cocoa and watch the artificial fire burn away artificial-y.

            "Right, well, since we're all cozy and stuff, let's tell Christmas stories!" Jack suggested.

            "Ooh ooh! Me first me first!" Lilka waved her hand around like a little teachers pet.

            "Um… um…" Jack didn't know who to pick. Marivel was ignoring them and Gallows didn't look like he could care. He smirked, finally knowing who to pick. "Hey cute waitress, what's your favorite Christmas story?"

            A waitress passing by stopped and placed a finger to her chin in thought. "Well, it would have to be-"

            "MY CHRISTMAS STORY STARTS LIKE THIS!" Lilka loudly interrupted. The lady took this as he cue to leave, disappointing Jack and Gallows very much. "When I was a little girl, every Christmas, I'd come down and uncle insert Wild ARMS character of choice would visit and present us with a very special toy he had made in his workshop. One year…"

** *

            Lilka sat by an enormous Christmas tree, playing with a new doll, the aptly-named-Eat-my-Dust bomb, when her uncle insert Wild ARMS character of choice arrived and pushed a small wrapped box towards the girl. Lilka leaped up with excitement and thanked her uncle insert Wild ARMS character of choice so and unwrapped the present to find the most handsome nutcracker one could ever hope to find.

** *

            "Woah! Hold it right there! You didn't do any of this! You're just telling the Nut Cracker over again!" Gallows interrupted.

            "It did too happen! …Except maybe it wasn't a nutcracker, and there wasn't an uncle insert Wild ARMS character of choice…" Lilka moaned.

            "I guess I'll go, because you've been caught plagiarizing!"  Jack grinned. "It all started long ago…"

** *

            Jack approached a very large home in the middle of the snowy night. This was the house of someone very important, the grand duchess of Sylvaland. Her name was Marina and she was very wealthy and beautiful… and wealthy. Jack was nervous. He was invited to dance at a ball held for only the elite of Sylvaland castle. Finally, the door opened when a butler came. Jack was greeted inside, and gaze upon the entire splendor he did behold. It was an enormous ballroom, with a crystal chandelier and several dozens of maidens dancing. He had seen them all before, but never before had he seen Marine dance so beautifully and elegantly. But his happiness did quickly fade, as he saw Marine was dancing with another man, one-if possible- was much more charming than he was. Crestfallen, Jack decided t best not to dance at all, but only drink the punch and take a seat. However, it wasn't long before the man heard a sort of whimpering. Jack raised his ear, trying to find the noise, and followed it to the garden outside. There was a young girl with honey brown hair and a purple dress, seating on a bench, crying. The snow was no longer falling, leaving only a world of white and a sorrowful maiden. Jack swallowed. His chivalric heart couldn't stand to see a woman so unhappy. Finally, growing some nerve, he walked over and spoke to her softly.

            "What's wrong, ma'am?" Jack asked, tapping her lightly on the shoulder.

            The girl looked at her, her green eyes full of tears. "It's Christmas, and my mother couldn't be here…"

            "Why not? Everyone else in town was invited." Jack replied.

            "My mother had a terrible illness, and now, she's gone, no longer to spend Christmas with me." The girl sobbed.

** *

            "O.K, I've heard this before." Gallows interrupted.

            "Uh, uh, no you haven't!" Jack panicked.

            "Yea I have. I think it was a story done by that Hawk's Perch guy…" Gallows thought.

            "Getting back to the story!" Jack interrupted.

** *

            "I'm so sorry…" Jack stopped, not knowing what to say.

            "Don't be. It's not your fault… I really should be having a good time, mother would like that." The girl said.

            "I am Jack VanBurace. And what is yours?" Jack extended his hand to meet her silken-gloved hand.

            She blushed and shyly looked away. "They call me Ginny."

            "Well Ginny, would you like to dance?" Jack smiled.

** *

            "Say, didn't you say your girlfriend was Lady Harken?" Lilka interrupted.

            "No, all I said is that she was a demon. She shows up later!" Jack growled.

            ** *

            "Why, yes." Ginny smiled.

** *

            "Do we know Ginny?" Gallows asked. "She sounds hot."

            "Stop interrupting me!" Jack freaked.

** *

            "Then let's dance." Jack took her hand and helped her up.

** *

            "Did you know the Japanese parliament is called the Nation Diet? Isn't that funny?" Gallows interrupted.

            "O.K, fine! I give up." Jack growled. "It was a good Christmas story too."

            "It didn't even involve presents Jack, sheesh." Lilka criticized. "Though I liked your use of imagery."

            "O.K. I guess it's my turn." Gallows said. "Alright, my favorite Christmas was last years Christmas party at the ARMS HQ. Mans was I drunk. And oh man, those women were so fine!-"

            "Virgin ears Gallows!" Jack interrupted in order to receive his revenge.

            "Oh. Well, that was my favorite Christmas." Gallows then concluded his story.

            "Well, who's left?" Lilka looked around.

            "Hey Marivel, you going?" Jack asked.

            "No way. We Crimson Nobles don't have favorite Christmases. Bah humbug." Marivel pouted.

            Lilka gained a cats grin for a second. "You're hiding something! We can all see it!"

            Jack looked to Gallows, who only shrugged. "Must be a chick thing."

            "I can tell you what her favorite Christmas was!" A high pitched, almost Lilka like, voice said. The four looked around to see a girl with pointy ears, long teal hair, and a white flowing robe.

            "Maribelle!" Marivel clenched her fists.

            "It's been a long time sis. Come treasure hunting?" Maribelle asked.

            "Nope, only seeking information." Marivel turned her head the other way. "You still reading those stupid treasure hunter magazines?"

            "They aren't stupid! And if you need info, I can give it to you!" Maribelle offered.

            "Really! Spill the beans woman!" Jack demanded.

            "Ah, but first you have to let me tell you Marivel's favorite Christmas story!" Maribelle smiled.

            "No! Never!" Marivel reached out.

            "Um, O.K." Gallows shrugged.

            "All right!" Maribelle began.

** *

            It was a dark and lonely castle. Snow filtered outside the stained glass windows, and the shrieks of bats were heard all over. A young Marivel (looking about seven human years) and her twin sister Maribelle rushed through the stone halls, searching for their mother while playing tag at the same time. The two girls laughed, falling over each other, and giving smiles that would warm the heart of Ebenezer Scrooge a hundred times over. Marivel picked herself up and patted Maribelle's head, nodding. Maribelle acknowledged she had become "it" and waited for Marivel to dash off. Marivel did as so, racing through the corridors and stumbling through tiny crevices left by time. She crawled a way before feeling a bit of cold nip her nose. With her blue eyes, she looked up to see a hole where snow was falling through. A mysterious hole was always good fun, as you never know where they would lead. Marivel smiled and climbed through it, scraping a knee on the way. She popped her little head out and gazed about. It was a garden of some sorts, virtually unknown to the Crimson Nobel type. Intrigued, Marivel climbed out and wandered through, discovering the various shrubberies that had grown even in the mist of winter. A piano's delicate tones reached her ear, lulling her brain into a safe, secure place. The piano felt warm and inviting. Someone had to be playing it in this secret garden. She walked briskly through the snowy garden, trying to find the piano. Eventually, she came to the center, where a tall man in eloquent dress was playing the piano. This man was none other then her father. Marivel stopped in her tracks. She hadn't seen her father in such a long time.

            "Daddy?" Marivel asked, not sure of what to say.

            The piano kept playing as the man turned his attention away from the ivory and upon the tiny blonde. He smiled, revealing his vampiric teeth, and stood up. The piano still played as he walked towards her, his dark cloak trailing behind him. He knelt down before her and tapped her nose with a finger. "You've found my garden you naughty little babe."

            "Are you really home, Daddy?" Marivel asked, tears forming in her eyes.

            He nodded. "I've come home to my little girls for this one day. It is a special day, I'm sure you know it well enough."

            "Christmas?" Marivel asked innocently.

            "Yes. I wouldn't be anywhere else in all of Filgaia except here with my girls and my garden. Here, I've brought you something." The father reached into his cloak and pulled out two twin orbs, one red and one blue. He held them forward and smiled. "Go ahead. Touch them."

            Apprehensive, Marivel reluctantly toughed them and stepped back as they leaped into the air, opening one eye each. She laughed with merriment at the sight as Red and Blue spun about her with jolly intentions.

            "I love you Daddy!" Marivel hugged her father, who patted her back.

            "And I love you to Marivel."

            "This is the best Christmas ever." Marivel laughed as Red and Blue giggled silently.

** *

            Gallows wiped a tear from his eye as Lilka blew her nose in a tissue. Marivel was showing a small smile and Jack a huge grin. "That was as almost as good as mine." Jack teased.

            "Now I get to give you some information!" Maribelle exclaimed.

            "Go for it." Gallows voice cracked through silent tears.

            "All right. Seeing how sis here is ARMS, I'm assuming your chasing P.R.O.P.H.E.T. There was some unusual activity out at Doomed to Obscurity in the desert. They chased me and Loretta away. So you guys go and give them a hard time." Maribelle put her hands on her hips. "Oh, and it's spelled Mirabelle!"

            "Alright! Let's head out, first thing in the morning!" Gallows commanded.

            "Hey sis…" Marivel hugged her sister surprisingly. "Thanks…"

** *

            Wild ARMS Twilight Venom is very shwet. Too bad this is as much as it's going to appear!


	14. Moonraker

**XIV: Moonraker**

**            "Marina, Marine, it's all the same thing**

**            Typos are mistakes, you know what I mean**

**            I make them all the time and so do you**

**            But the difference is how many you do**

**            I'm famous for typos, tis my rep**

**            But don't hate me for it, just give me some pep**

**            If you don't like it then the answer is as green as grass**

**            Just turn around and stick it up your-"**

**            [Snap fingers!]**

** *

            The sky had returned to being clear and the temperature had resumed normal desert conditions. Pennyless, thanks to Lilka, the four agents left Las Gomoras with nothing but the shirts on their backs (and pants, you silly gooses!) and marched into the desert.

            "Let me play this! Let me play that! Thanks a lot Lilka." Gallows grumbled.

            "Hey, it's not my fault all the games are rigged." Lilka defended herself. "Besides, in times of need, we should stick to each other and help each other pull through, right?"

            "This Doomed to Obscurity is a pyramid, right?" Jack asked, not paying attention.

            "That's right. It shouldn't be very hard to miss." Marivel replied.

            "You know what they say about pyramids. If you enter them, you'll be cursed!" Jack said.

            "What?!" Lilka asked, "R-realy?"

            "Nonsense! Pyramids have nothing on us Crimson Nobles." Marivel took pride in her vampire lineage. "I'm much scarier than any mummy!"

            "I want my mummy right now!" Lilka whimpered, then was followed by two drumbeats and a cymbal crash.

            "So the pyramids cursed eh? No problem, bring it on! I can handle anything!" Gallows pumped his fist into the air.

            "Uh, Gallows, you're stepping in a Tarantula's den…" Jack pointed out.

            003 looked down to see his shiny black shoe had, in fact, fallen through the hollow soil and several large hairy arachnids were crawling on his pant leg. Gallows screamed and leaped into the air, doing a crazy dance to try and get rid of them.

            "Don't worry! I'll save you!" Lilka pulled out a crest card and gave a look of heroism.

            "Are you sure?" Marivel made a feline face with a sly grin. "Tarantulas are spiders, you know?"

            Lilka lost all her nerve, and color, and stepped back, shuddering. "Curses and spiders! I'm scared!"

            "FOR THE LOVE OF MUTE MAIN CHARACTER DRIFTERS EVERYWHERE! HELP ME!" Gallows screeched.

            "Hmmm, I read about how to deal with rogue tarantulas once. Now what did it say?" Jack pondered. "Ah yes. Gallows, stop moving! Be absolutely still!"

            Gallows stopped in mid-dance, forming a very odd position.

            "O.K, now let them sniff you and give them a fish." Jack concluded.

            "What?!" Gallows asked.

            "Oh wait, that's bears." Jack corrected himself.

            "Oh, wait! I know!" Lilka said from a very, very far off distance. "Let's read that chapter of DriftWings and it will tell us!"

{Maya punched Gallows right in the face, knocking the Baskar to the ground. "What are you? An idiot! Don't answer that!" She placed the armadillo on the ground and watched it scamper back through the scrub. She turned back to the group, only to be horrified.

"Woah! What the heck's wrong with you? You didn't have to hit me so hard…" Gallows said as he rubbed his head. "Hey! What are you doing!?"

Maya raised her boot up and stomped hard upon the Baskar's chest several times, knocking the wind out of Gallows.

"Hey! Cut it out!" Clive said, breaking the two up. "What's going on!"

"EVIL! SHE WANT'S TO KILL ME!" Gallows gasped.}

                "Ah man, not that again…" Gallows groaned.

            "Well, if that's what we have to do." Marivel grinned. She walked over to the still form of Gallows and promptly struck him down to the earth, and then with several mighty swift kicks, finished off the tarantulas and all of Gallows' energy. "That's what you get for letting my sister tell that Christmas story."

            Jack looked to Lilka, afraid. "I'm glad she's on our side."

            Lilka weakly nodded. "Uh huh."

            ** *

            It was a big pyramid, resembling more of the Mayan step pyramids than of the Egyptian kind, however, it was still really big and really old and really spooky. Not just regular spooky, but SPA-OOKEE with spooky marshmallows. Lilka peeked around Jack, who was shaking as well. Gallows stood tall and defiant (and with a black eye and a few bruises) and Marivel was in the lead, as always.

            "Hey, I'm the one with a numbered agent name and in the story summary, how come I don't lead?" Gallows asked as any sore loser would.

            "Quiet!" Marivel demanded. "I wonder if **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** really is out here, or if my Sis set us up on a wild goose chase…"

            "Well I don't see anyone so let's go back to town!" Jack offered.

            "Yea! Let's do as Jack says and get a moving guys!" Lilka squeaked.

            Gallows and Marivel looked back at the two, and then to each other disapprovingly. Gallows smiled and looked the two in the eye (which was hard to do due to Jack and Lilka's size difference.} "Tsk tsk tsk. I'm ashamed of you. You guys call yourselves agents and yet you're afraid of a few ghosts?"

            "Curses, Gallows, curses!" Jack corrected the Baskar. "Curse you for calling me afraid of curses!"

            "What do you mean ghosts?" Lilka's knees were shaking harder than ever.

            "Oh c'mon!" Marivel turned around and stepped into the pyramid, only to be greeted by a ghost. Not just any ghost, but the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus!

            "Why, hello!" The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus greeted.

            "G-g-ghost!" Marivel practically flew out of her cloak with fear. Gallows, Jack, and Lilka all stepped back, wary of danger.

            The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus tilted his head in boredom, and then titled it all the way around and back to normal position. "Oh, I get so tired of the same old thing. Calm down you ninnies, what do you want?"

            "Um, um, um, we want to know if there's any **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agents here and if there's a laser here, Mr. ghost sir." Lilka said, practically soiling herself. (Gross!)

            "What! You mean you're not here for my treasure?" the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus asked.

            "N-no! Please don't curse us! I'm too handsome to receive a curse!" Jack pleaded.

            "Oh calm down and quite graveling. I hate it when people do that. All right, I'll answer your question if you can do me one thing." the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus demanded.

            "And that is?" Gallows asked, nervous.

            "To avenge your death?" Marivel asked.

            "To make sure you wife is happy?" Lilka pondered.

            "To destroy whatever is holding you in this world?" Jack gulped.

            The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus shook his head. "No no no, nothing like that! You must survive the trial of fear! Mwahahahaha!" then, the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus pulled a near by lever that was neatly hidden, pulling the ground away and having all four agents fall.

            The four fell into a dark tunnel, more precisely a mine cart. The cart began to move and music began to play.

            "Uh oh, I feel a song coming on." Marivel said meekly.

            "Brace yourselves!" Gallows shouted.

"~SHADOW

Boys and girls of every age

Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

SIAMESE SHADOW

Come with us and you will see

This, our town of Halloween

PUMPKIN PATCH CHORUS

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

Pumpkins scream in the dead of night

GHOSTS

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene

Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright

It's our town, everybody scream

In this town of Halloween

CREATURE UNDER THE BED

I am the one hiding under your bed

Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

MAN UNDER THE STAIRS

I am the one hiding under yours stairs

Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

CORPSE CHORUS

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

VAMPIRES

In this town we call home

Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

MAYOR

In this town, don't we love it now?

Everybody's waiting for the next surprise

CORPSE CHORUS

Round that corner, man hiding in the trash cam

Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll...

HARLEQUIN DEMON, WEREWOLF & MELTING MAN

Scream! This is Halloween

Red 'n' black, slimy green

WEREWOLF

Aren't you scared?

WITCHES

Well, that's just fine

Say it once, say it twice

Take a chance and roll the dice

Ride with the moon in the dead of night

HANGING TREE

Everybody scream, everybody scream

HANGED MEN

In our town of Halloween!

CLOWN

I am the clown with the tear-away face

Here in a flash and gone without a trace

SECOND GHOUL

I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"

I am the wind blowing through your hair

OOGIE BOOGIE SHADOW

I am the shadow on the moon at night

Filling your dreams to the brim with fright

CORPSE CHORUS

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

Halloween! Halloween! 

CHILD CORPSE TRIO

Tender lumplings everywhere

Life's no fun without a good scare

PARENT CORPSES

That's our job, but we're not mean

In our town of Halloween

CORPSE CHORUS

In this town

MAYOR

Don't we love it now?

Everyone's waiting for the next surprise

CORPSE CHORUS

Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back

And scream like a banshee

Make you jump out of your skin

This is Halloween, everyone scream

Wont' ya please make way for a very special guy

Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch

Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now

EVERYONE

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

CORPSE CHILD TRIO

In this town we call home

Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

EVERYONE

La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! [Repeat]~" 

            The mine cart pulled out of the Tim Burton tunnel and into a dusty Egyptian looking room, with the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus standing near the track, holding onto a lever. The cart came to a stop, and the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus stepped up, smiling, and poking each of the four petrified Agents. After a moment, breath came from their lips and they blinked. The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus stomped and snapped his fingers.

            "Well, that's just the way it goes…" The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus sighed. "Well, my friends, you are the first beings ever to survive the trial of fear! What will you do now?"

            "Change my pants?" Jack suggested.

            Marivel shook her head and blinked several times. "Since we survived that most fearful trip, can you tell us if there's **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** around?"

            The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus shrugged. "Sure. There's a group of them here moving a laser into the teleportation machine up a level. But you'll never catch them! Bwahahaha! Oh, I'm so evil!"

            Gallows hopped out of the cart and turned to his fellow teammates. "C'mon guys! We have a laser to catch before 002 does!"

            Nodding, the other three hopped out and started for the stairs. Gallows turned to the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus and raised an eyebrow. "Hey, how come you didn't scare the **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agents?"

            The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus grinned and stretched. "Because we evil guys don't pick on each other! Haven't you learned anything from "James Bond Jr."?"

            Gallows cringed. "Now there's something truly scary!" He then ran off after his other teammates, leaving the ghost to cackle to himself evil like!

            ** *

            Upon arriving at the upper floor, Gallows discovered an enormous room shaped like a triangle, with the upper angle disappearing into darkness. In the middle of this room as an enormous machine, obviously the teleportation machine, and four figures guarding it.

            "Who are you?!" Jack demanded to know.

            There was a one eyes giant of a man wearing yellow, a female in a white jumpsuit with a giant key, a slender man with glasses and a gun of some sort, and a woman with long brown hair and a white dress like thing on. The giant stepped forward and placed a tanned hand to his bearded chin. "We're Ptolomea and his fun friends, **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** agents extraordinaire!"

            The glasses man jabbed Ptolomea in the ribs and took over. "We are Special Operations Unit Cocytus (That's an allusion to Dante's the Inferno!) and I am Judecca (The annoying one!), The big guy is Ptolomea (The funny guy!), the lady in the white dress like thing is Antenora (The supposed to feel sad for one!), and the lady with the key is Caina (The one who would not die!)"

            "Don't forget Randolph the Magic Key!" Caina interrupted.

            "Cheerio chaps!" Randolph greeted them.

            "Uh huh..." Marivel raised an eyebrow.

            "What a bunch of weirdos." Lilka whispered to Jack.

            "What did you say?" Antenora asked, hands on hips.

            "I said you were  weirdos!" Lilka announced.

            "All right! Let's rumble!" Gallows grinned, pulling out his PP7!

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**-*-**

Joe Montana: It's been a while since we were here.

Enya: Yup.

Hey guys, aren't you gonna comment on the chappy?

Enya: O.K, you ref Meteor9 too much.

Joe: And your using the Teefa85 spoof again… not good kid.

Hey, aren't you guys at least looking forward to the fight between Prolomea and his fun friends?!

Enya: **yawn**

Joe: Stop writing to the Sonic Heroes sound test, it will help.

**sweat drop** Thanks a lot. I'm gonna go hang my self.

Enya and Joe: You're welcome!

** *


	15. For Your Eyes Only

**XV: For Your Eyes Only**

**          _The reader opens a folder on a desk that reads TOP SECRET and picks up a letter addressed so._**__

_            The Staff and Management of "From Baskar With Love" would like to apologize for last chapter's poem. The editors didn't catch it in time and are being scrutinized as we speak, for at least our grammar critics know that a lot seems to get past these fellaws. Thank you, everyone here- Hypes, Joe, and Enya._

_** *_

_            **Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…**_

_Werner stepped into an unforgiving landscape. A great sea of sand stretched before him where once there were green hills and trees as high as the eye could see. His daughter was left in a coma and his fellow employees dead. No, this was not limited to just Yggdrassil, but his sin had stretched beyond the mountains and crawled all over the planet, creating storms and deserts, slaying hundreds in a horrific night, and eventually to starve thousands in the coming years. Werner had already paid with his mortal life, but his sin he still carried. Playing God will condemn all, and Werner did not realize the just words of Leehalt until it was too late. And now, Werner would atone and set things right as he stepped out of Leyline and into the wasteland called Filgaia…_

**_End Book I_**_._

_…Oh, wrong story…Oops…Damn editors…_

_** *_

The Egyptian hall had become a battlefield of two agencies, Ptolomea and his fun friends, and Gallows and his strange co-workers. The two were on ends, about to pummel each other into the ancient earth. Was there any end to this conflict in sight? Oh, the humanity! Peace, not war!

"Ung! Enough of this! Let's just fight!" Marivel pulled out her uzi's.

"My sentiments exactly." Antenora smirked, throwing a rose to the ground

"Hey, uh, what's with the rose?" Gallows asked.

"Didn't you know? All cool villains have roses!" Antenora explained.

"Ah…?" Gallows shrugged and fired with the PP7, felling Judecca.

"What the hell was that?!" Judecca spat as he fell to his knees.

"I, uh,… shot you?" Gallows answered.

"I can bloody see that! We're the ones supposed to be fighting dirty!" Judecca growled.

"…sorry?" Gallows sympathized… well, not really.

"Oh a lot of bloody good that does me. You said your sorry for shootin me before I was ready. I didn't even get to use one of my ingenious traps!" Judecca moaned.

"Oh c'mon Jude, your dead, get over it." Caina rolled her eyes.

"It's not something I can just get over Caina, sheesh. Let's see how you bloody like it!" Judecca pulled out that strange handgun that does more damage than all of his other weapons combined, and shot Caina in the stomach.

"Hey! You just shot our own guy!" Ptolomea and Antenora shouted.

Marivel, Jack, Gallows, and Lilka looked to each confused.

"You shot me!" Caina yelled.

"Duh, I'm the one who bloody pulled the bloody trigger!" Judecca rolled his eyes.

"Cheerio chaps!" Randolph the magic key greeted.

"Oh shut up!" Judecca growled.

"Don't tell Randolph to shut up! I love him!" Caina defended. "Isn't somebody going to help me? I'm bleeding!"

"Oh, it's not that bad." Ptolomea sighed.

"What an ingenious lot we have here, eh?" Judecca chuckled.

"I'll say, you're the one who shot your own team mate." Marivel stated.

"Uh, Anty, what do we do now?" Ptolomea looked to the long haired woman.

"I'll tell you what to do you bloody ox! Get me to a hospital!" Judecca shouted.

"Me too! And get me a lawyer too!" Caina cried out.

"Cheerio chaps!" Randolph greeted.

"But what about these guys? Vinsfelds' gonna kill us if we let them get through!" Antenora asked.

"Uh… Vinsfeld's already dead…" Jack brought up.

"What?!" All four Cocytus members shrieked.

"Yea! We met his spooky ghost." Lilka shuddered just thinking about the trial of fear.

"I'm not dead!" A voice called from the teleportation machine. The Cocytus members turned to see their boss, leader of Odessa, and all around bad guy Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus. "At least not yet anyway."

"Sir!" The four saluted, even though half of them were dying.

"What the hell is going on here, eh?" Vinsfeld inspected his troops. "Must have been quite a battle."

"…Uh…yea…" Ptolomea whistled.

"B-but your dead! We saw you ghost!" Gallows freaked.

"From all the Inferno references, you'd think someone would get this one. A man's soul can exist in hell even while he is alive!" Vinsfeld laughed.

"…But we weren't in hell…" Marivel thought. She then looked to Gallows and blinked. "Then again, I've been stuck with these idiots and fighting bigger idiots for a while now. Maybe we are in hell…"

"Gee, thanks a lot Marivel." Gallows sighed.

"We aren't dead!" Lilka shrieked. "We are very much alive!"

"Cheerio chaps!" Randolph the magic key greeted.

"Wait, so you saw my ghost outside of hell?!" Vinsfeld gasped.

"Yep." Jack said.

"Uh oh… then maybe I am dead." Vinsfeld then dropped to the floor life less.

"…That was easy." Gallows blinked.

"Oh poor Mr. Rhadamanthus! (that name sure is a mouthful! Munch munch munch. And tasty too!) I hope he's not really dead!" Lilka mourned the loss of the enemy.

Antenora laughed maniacally as she checked his pulse. "Yup, he sure is dead." She then looked to Judecca. "Aren't you supposed to be dead by hemorrhoids now?"

"That's hemorrhaging! And I bloody should be. Oh wait! Damn…" Judecca then fell over lifeless as well.

"Huh. Well I'm not going out without a fight! 4D Hypo Blast!" Caina summoned an incredibly weird spell that sucked everyone into the cubic dimension, where they floated around in what seemed to be a big pinkish cube. But that's not the end of it, for then pink balloons attacked them! Marivel screeched, Gallows yelped, Jack screamed, Ptolomea gasped, Antenora yelled, and Lilka was delighted. Pink balloons are a little girl's best friend, after all. In a polygonal second, the world was as it should be. Except for Caina, who was dead, and the surviving members who were injured due to such horrific situations.

"Cheerio chaps!" Randolph the magic key greeted.

"This pyramid has to have some of the scariest things ever!" Marivel shuddered. Her castle "pailed" in comparison in fear factor.

"It-it's not over, ARMS!" Antenora then grabbed Randolph the magic key and pointed him to a wall. Surprisingly, a blue beam shot forth from it's anterior portion, revealing an enormous keyhole. "Hahaha! My revenge is complete, but still as an acting officer of **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**, I must destroy all of ye! So come forth, my heartless!"

Out of the keyhole came forth several small black creatures with beady yellow eyes. Antenora laughed as they crawled, squirmed, writhed, and wiggled about menacingly.

"Woah woah woah! This, my friends, is not Wild ARMS!" Gallows stepped forth. "I'm a going to have to ask you to leave!"

The heartless creatures looked to each other, shrugged, and went back to the chaotic dimension from whence they came. Antenora dropped Randolph, disgusted. "You have failed me for the last time, keyblade!"

"Come and take me on!" Ptolomea laughed, taking out that weird weapon… I have no idea what to call it, or even how to describe it. It's just a weird thing. He leaped into the air and dived down where ARMS stood, trying to crush them with his serrated might. Gallows rolled out of the way, Lilka dived to safety, but Marivel and Jack would not be so lucky.

"Aport" Marivel called forth a frying pan and hit Jack with it. Fortunately, the frying pan took Ptolomea's hit. Ptolomea bounced off, his weird thing wrecked.

"Damn it! Why doesn't anything work!" Ptolomea cursed.

"Because we're the good guys!" Lilka smiled. "And love will always prevail!"

"Gah!" Marivel clutched her chest. "Lilka!"

"So, that's their weakness!" Antenora chuckled. "Oh, Ptolomea, isn't love and friendship the best thing ever!"

"…huh?" Ptolomea was confused.

Marivel fell down, her status quickly deteriorating. "My weakness!"

"Marivel, are you alright!?" Jack asked.

"Don't worry about me… really… just get them!" Marivel instructed.

Her teammates nodded and turned to Antenora and Ptolomea. "You guys are going down!"

"Would you like to join us for tea, we would be so delighted to have our favorite friends join us!" Antenora said evily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Marivel clutched her ears.

Lilka bit eh lip and tightened her fists. "If that's what needs to be done… still, I hate to do this." She stepped up to the lady in white and looked her in the eye. "I…"

"Yes, little girl?" Antenora chuckled.

"I hate you." Lilka sniffed.

"My strength… it's returning!" Marivel said weekly.

"I hate you so much. Your so mean, all you do is bad things! I wish you would just go away!" Lilka yelled.

"Ouch. Do you feel them vibes?" Jack said to Gallows.

"You wretched little girl!" Antenora scowled.

"Hey Antynora!" Marivel shouted. Gallows and Jack stepped out of the way to reveal a standing Marivel with a remote. She pressed it, and instantly the wall fell down to reveal the Asgard01.

"Well that can't be good…" Ptolomea whistled.

Asgard01 began to shake as power filled its cannon. Antenora gasped and Ptolomea grabbed onto her for security.  Marivel smirked. "Show time!"

Asgard01's cannons released an enormous energy blast, blowing out the side of the pyramid in the process. When the dust was all settled, ARMS looked to see Antenora and Ptolomea covered in soot and dust. Unfortunately, the teleportation machine was completely destroyed.

"Great job Marivel…" Jack sighed.

"We surrender!" Antenora waved a little white flag where Ptolomea waved a little French flag.

"Alright goons! Talk!" Gallows shouted. "Where's the laser!"

"It's on our moon base! That's where the teleporter went!" Ptolomea whined.

"It's the guardian truth!" Antenora reassured them.

"The moon?!" The ARMS agents were shocked.

"We don't know which moon, but it's defiantly a moon!" Antenora said.

"Hmmm, Malduke or… that other one…" Jack thought.

"Faluna." Marivel said. "Or at least according to Twilight Venom…"

"But what would they be doing with a laser on the moon?" Gallows thought.

"Maybe they want one billion dollars?" Lilka suggested. All she received were disappointed looks.

"The plan is known only by number one and the moon base staff!" Ptolomea stated.

"And the machine is destroyed! We'll never get there!" Lilka was starting to sob.

"Well, there is another way to get there…" Ptolomea started.

"No! Don't say anything!" Antenora pressed her hand to Ptolomea's mouth.

"Whatcha talking bout Willis?!" Gallows stepped forward.

"You better talk!" Jack warned, shaking his fist in an intimidating manner.

"All right! Head to Surf town! There's a secret rocket there!" Ptolomea advised.

"So much for being top secret…" Antenora sighed.

"All right! From here, we go to Surf town!" Gallows grinned.

"And quick like if we want to beat 002!" Jack advised.

"What are we waiting for! Let's go!" Marivel shouted, and so the four ran out of the blasted hole and out into the desert sun.

"So… cyanide tooth?" Ptolomea asked.

"…nah… I suddenly have the urge to open up a child councilors office." Antenora shrugged.

"…Okay…" Ptolomea looked confused.

** *

**Teefa85**: "Ptolomea and his fun friends" is an exact quote (and funniest quote) from Wild ARMS: 2nd Ignition. Yes, it's a great quote.

** *

"Cheerio chaps." Randolph the magic key greeted as the pyramid exploded in one giant explosion! Jazzy music!

** *

Next chapter: Octopussy. Let the jokes begin!


	16. Octopussy

**XVI: Octopussy**

It was yet another bright blue sky and a vast scene of endless desert. However, the horizon was interrupted by one thing. A seven-eleven, with two trucks parked by and nobody waiting for gas.

A bright blue pick up truck pulled up and rested underneath the metal canopy and four Agents hopped out of the bed.

Lilka walked to the driver and bowed to show her appreciation. The driver happened to be a young girl with long brown hair. She smiled and waved. "It's too bad we can't take you guys any further, but ol' Mr. Billy needs to get back in time for his medication."

A handicapped tall man sitting in the other seat smiled goofily at the mention of his name. "BILLAY!"

Lilka giggled. "It's no problem Merril. We can walk the rest of the way!"

"Ack! Someone help me!" Jack called as he was brought to the ground by a enormous dog that had been sitting in the truck with them.

"Rassyu! C'mon, you need to get going with your family." Marivel pulled the great big happy puppy off of Mr. VanBurace. Rassyu gave a big sloppy lick to Marivel's "pail" cheek before leaping abck into the flat bed.

"So you later." Gallows waved as the truck pulled off. Gallows then turned to the four and shrugged. "So… coffee anyone?"

** *

The four walked into the air-conditioned convenience store, letting the cool breeze blow across each of their faces and receiving odd looks from the two clerks, who (according to their name tags) were named Cheville and Nalice. Nalice was behind the hotdog rotary station, whilst Cheville manned the cash register. Besides, Lilka, Marivel, Gallows, and Jack, they were the only ones in the building.

"Hey lady." Marivel spoke up, stepping towards the hotdogs.

"It's Nalice." The blonde in a snowcap grinded her teeth.

"Yea, well get me a dog, extra bloody." Marivel snapped her fingers.

"Uh… we don't do that kind of thing." Nalice said.

"Well do it this time, kapeesh?" Marivel smiled, showing her fangs.

"I dunno, I'll have to talk to the manager." Nalice then walked out of the room via a back door.

That same door did open again not a minute later and in walked a tall, lanky fellow by the name of (according to his name tag) Datson. "The new shipment of "_Jay Jay Sawada's Anthologies_" are here."

Gallows eyes lit up and he dropped the bag of combos he was currently munching out of. He practically tackled Datson in an embrace of joy. "D-Did you say THE "_JAY JAY SAWADA'S ANTHOLOGIES_"?!

Datson reached into his apron pocket and flicked out a small book. 003 leaped off and fetched the book, instantly flipping through the pages.

"What's that Gallows? Does it have pictures?" Lilka asked, trying to see the pages.

"It's the latest compilement of Jay Jay Sawada's fan fiction! I'm so excited!" Gallows squeled.

"Ung. Fan fiction…" Marivel made a vomiting gesture.

"You're not going to read all of that here, are you?" Jack said as he munched on a doughnut.

"I can't wait! I have to read all of this now!" Gallows demanded.

"But what about the mission?" Lilka asked, concern in her green eyes.

"Don't care. Must read!" Gallows answered.

"We're going to be here a while…" Marivel sighed.

"Might as well buy some thing to drink." Jack sighed and turned to Cheville. "How much for a slurpee?"

"2.95." Cheville said, sounding rather bored.

"And how much for a night out with you?" Jack raised his eyebrows and grinned.

"Uhh… price check!" Cheville yelled and ran out the back door.

** *

That night, some 300 miles away from the Seven Eleven, outside Surf town…

A candle flickered in the desert night as two lovers gazed into each other's eyes passionately. A small, simple table had been set outside a large RV in the wilderness, and Tesla and Shalte were enjoying a vacation away from it all.

"What a wonderful night, huh?" Tesla asked his long time wife.

"Of course it is. A clear sky with all of the stars out in the dark sky. One couldn't ask for anything more romantic." Shalte replied.

"Of course there could be." Tesla ruffled his mustache in a smile. He got up out of the plastic lawn chair and picked up a box from underneath the table. He placed it atop and opened it to reveal a small turkey and empty wine glasses.

Shalte clasped her hands together, her smile growing ever larger. "Tesla, you've out done yourself again. I thought I knew you after forty years of serving you food."

"I have a few tricks up my sleeve." Tesla laughed. He discarded the box as he through it on the ground a bit of a ways away. However, what he failed to notice a rising in the sand where the box fell. "Ah, forgot the damn champagne." Tesla cursed.

"Don't worry about it dear, allow me to get it." Shalte got herself up and patted Tesla's shoulder before stepping into the RV and closing the door, using the excuse to freshen up a bit.

Tesla walked over to behind the RV, using his wife's absence as an excuse to use the restroom. Drizzle, drizzle, drizzle.

The sand pile under the discarded box vanished in an instant, and what seemed like a snake made of sand flew from the box, underneath the table, and under the RV before reaching Tesla. Before Tesla could react, the sand opened up and a high-pitched screech tore through the air. Tesla, shouting for help and tearing at the sand, was sucked under in an instant.

The RV headlights immediately turned on and Shalte opened the door on, still applying make up. "Was that you honey?" The old woman looked out at the dinner table and saw her husband absent. "Tesla?"

She stepped out of the RV and onto the sand, her heels touching the desert floor. She detected a vibration and heard an incredibly high-pitched scream. Fearing for her life, Shalte immediately leaped into the camper and locked the door. "What the hell was that?!" She cried. The screaming stopped after a few moments, as if whatever was lying under the sand had lost track of her. Still wary, Shalte checked the windows. Nothing but the night was out of her right, left, and front. Calm was coming over her. It was all just an illusion, nothing more. Shalte decided she should check behind just in case. Maybe she would find Tesla there, playing a trick on her. What a fool, playing a trick an old lady! However, it was quite different. Shalte fell down, screaming as she saw what appeared to be a bloody hand with Tesla's unmistakable watch lying in the sand. Screaming in a frenzy, Shalte rammed the keys in the ignition and started the enormous engine, which was louder than her screams could ever be.

            The moment the engine came to life, the mysterious screeches came back. Shalte felt the RV shudder, as if being attacked. She shoved her foot on the gas with all of her might, but the RV went no where. Sand flew in all directions, and the RV was actually being pulled backwards. Despite all of Shalte's screaming and pressing of the gas, nothing could stop the RVs descent until nothing was left save the beams of the headlights, shooting off into the desert sky. And after a particularly loud screech, the lights went out.

** *

            "Welcome to Perfection: Surf town…" Little Martina read the large bill board that stood out near the entrance to the small town. The town was really nothing more than a few wooden buildings and several rusty trailer homes sitting atop the warm sand reflecting the bright desert sun overhead. "Mom, why do they call it that?"

            Miluex looked at the sign for an instant out of the mirror to their small car and shrugged. "Because it's a cozy little spot where all the people are nice and nothing ever happens…"

            "I'll say… this place is so boring…" Martina mumbled.

            "Don't be like that Martina." Mileux scolded. "We're back from vacation, so I want you to behave like you would anywhere else. Remember what old man Ricardo's cat did the last time you got bored?"

            "It's not my fault that cats aren't good with electricity…" Martina continued to mumbled as she looked out the window. Strangely enough, there was a large gathering of people around the general store. "Wonder what's happening?"

            "Well we'll find out. We have to pick up groceries." Miluex then pulled up near the bright red wooden General store and the two escaped the car and walked over. Most of the town, that being about six or seven folks, were out with Van, the local music nut, inspecting the rear end of his truck which was badly damaged.

            "What's going on Gaspar?" Miluex asked the old white haired man who was also the keeper of the General store.

            "Something beat up Van's truck." Gaspar answered.

            "Woah…" Martina stared in awe at the damage.

            "So what got your truck Van? A rock?" Brad, a large man with an incredible build, chuckled at the thought.

            "Naw man, it was some kind of creature! I was driving along through the desert near Tesla's place so I could borrow an old record or two when all of a sudden, I feel something latch onto my bumper. It was a strong so of a bitch too-"

            "Ahem!" Mileux looked rather angry. "Watch your language, young mister!"

            Van blushed and rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry Ms. Miluex… Anyway, this monster had me going. I was pushing on the gas with a lead foot, but still going nowhere!"

            "So how did you get away from it, or did it just eat you?" Dennis, a large fellow in a striped shirt, laughed.

            "I took out my handgun and shot the mother fu-" Van stopped himself when receiving Miluex's dirty look. "The monster. Shot the monster square between the eyes, but the bullet reflected off the skin. He let go though, screaming real loud and stuff."

            "Don't worry Van, We'll get the monster!" A young boy by the name of Tony grinned.

            "In my humble opinion, we need some kind of proof." Scott, another young boy, stated.

            "Proof would be nice." Gaspar nodded.

            "Don't believe me huh?" Van looked around with a smirk. "Then check this out." He reached under the truck and pried loose what appeared to be an enormous tooth, of the carnivorous quality to say the least. The crowd looked on in silence.

            "Well, maybe it's a good thing it got your truck. Your truck's so old, it's louder than anything in the valley." Brad suggested.

            "Hah ha." Van was sarcastic. "But I need to pay for these damages, but I don't have any money…"

            "I'll pay you six hundred Gella for the tooth!" Gaspar suddenly whipped out several paper bills.

            "Sold!" Van smiled as he accepted the money and offered Gaspar the tooth.

            "Is it a real tooth, Gaspar?" Martina asked, interested.

            "This is not good! What if that thing comes into town, looking for children to eat?" Mileux was scared and clutched Martina's shoulders.

            "Mom!" Martina writhed under her mother's weight.

            "I wouldn't worry, it's most likely a fake tooth." Dennis shrugged. "Van here needs money for everything." Dennis then gave Van the noogie of his life.

            "Still… I don't like this one bit…" Mileux shook her head as the crowd walked into the store.

** *

            Not far out of town, two men were walking across the desert, doing Filgaia's favorite hobby: treasure hunting. An old man was walking around, carrying a metal detector, as a much younger man who was blonde and dressed in white robes for some reason escorted him.

            "We'll strike it rich today, my boy, Malik! We'll find one of them ancient ruins and sell everything inside it. Then I can buy me a new cat!" The old man cheered happily as he walked in random circles with the machine that was constantly sending sound waves into the ground and receiving them back.

            "C'mon Ricardo. Just give it up. Haven't you ever heard of living in the now?" Malik sighed. He was definitely bored.

            "Where's your sense of adventure Malik? All you ever do is obsess over your late mother, rest her soul. Boy, I'll teach you everything a man should know in life. Beer, football, and treasure hunting!" Ricardo smiled, revealing his toothless gums.

            "Yea yea…" Malik sighed. 

            "Woah!" Ricardo jumped.

            "What is it Ricardo?! Did you find something?!" Malik asked, suddenly excited.

            "I'll say! It's off the charts! It has to be huge!" Ricardo laughed.

            "Could it be that ruin you've spent your whole life looking for?!" Malik asked eagerly.

            "Now now, we should not get our hopes high. A healthy sense of skepticism never killed anyone." Ricardo warned. "It should be right here." Ricardo pointed to right below him.

            "Huh, wonder why no one's ever found it before? It's not that far away from town…" Malik explained.

            "That's it my boy, a healthy sense of skepticism." Ricardo nodded. "Now let's get digging."

            Malik reached into the pack on his back and pulled out a shovel and placed it into the ground. However, it wasn't even a centimeter before the shovel could go no further. Malik looked to Ricardo and shrugged.

            Ricardo squatted and took off the earphones for his metal detector and gently wiped some sand off the surface of whatever anomaly they were standing on.

            "A license plate?" Malik asked, disgusted. "I thought you said the readings were off the charts."

            "I thought so too…" Ricardo said, disappointed. As he lifted his foot, he found a bit more metal underneath it. "I think we found an entire bumper.

            "Suspicious…" Malik walked a few feet and wiped away the sand. He leaped back, dearly afraid. "Ricardo?! Take a look!"

            Ricardo stepped over and his eyes widened. "Oh dear lord…"

            They both were standing on a windshield of an RV, and a suffocated woman lie in the seat, staring up at them.

            "We got to tell somebody." Malik said quietly.

            "I don't remember any sandstorms last night. The Maxwell's only left last night!" Ricardo was desperately thinking.

            "I don't think you can drive into the ground like that, no matter what kind of traction you have…" Malik stated.

            "You're absolutely right. Let's get back to town…" Ricardo deduced. The two took a few steps before realizing that something in the sand was following them.

            "RUN!" Malik shouted. The two ran as fast as they could towards the old man's jeep, but Ricardo proved not fast enough. The sand fell away beneath him and a pair of large white teeth closed in.

Malik turned around to see an enormous white serpent with the head of a fish and large purple fins slide back into the sand. "The diobarg!"

** *

"I say we call it the "Van Monster" after moi, who discovered it." Van said as he chit chatted with Gaspar at the counter.

"That's just stupid Van." Brad said. "Call it the terror of  Evans."

"After you?! You didn't even believe me at first!" Van argued.

"But it's mine now," Gaspar grinned. "The Gasparian."

"They already exist." Martina interrupted. "Try playing Wild ARMs 2."

"Martina!" Mileux scolded her daughter. "I'm terribly sorry."

Gaspar smiled and shook his head. "It's no problem ma'am. Kids will be kids."

Mileux handed Gaspar the bread and eggs as Martina wandered off to see what Tony and Scott were doing. The kids were, well, being kids as Tony was "the mystery of Surf town" and Scott was a poor innocent victim.

"RAR! I'm gonna eatcha!" Tony yelled.

"In my honest opinion, I'd prefer it if you didn't." Scott said as he was chased in circles.

Martina shook her head. They were still little boys, not preteen adolescents like herself. She walked to the window and stared out at the sheep pen across the way next to Dennis' trailer. Martina stepped back in fright, as she saw a trail of blood fly into the air as the death cries of several sheep escaped into the air. Dennis ran outside the trailer, gun in hand, only to see the last sheep disappear below the sand. Martina ran to her mother at the check out line, screaming. "SOMETHING GOT MR. DENNIS' SHEEP!"

"Martina! It isn't nice to play games like that." Mileux narrowed her soft eyes.

Dennis burst through the double swinging doors, panting for breath. "Something just ate all my sheep!"

** *

The usual crowd of Gaspar, Brad, Van, Mileux, Martina, Tony, Scott, and Dennis gathered around the chicken fence and peered in to what looked like a lions den after meal time. Blood, wool, and bones littered the sandy spot and the culprit was nowhere to be seen.

"What the hell is going on?" Brad asked, confused.

"I saw the whole thing!" Martina jumped up and down, waving her arms. After receiving everyone's attention, she calmed down. "Something came out of the ground and ate them!"

"The ground?" Gaspar asked.

"I felt something funny moving under the trailer…" Dennis put a hand to his chin.

Van looked to Gaspar. "Could it have been that monster?"

"What do we do?!" Mileux asked, desperately seeking an answer.

"Aw man…" Tony made a face as he stared at the bones. "Awesome…"

"In my humble opinion, you are one sick individual…" Scott shook his head.

"Maybe we should get Werner for this…" Gaspar rubbed his hands together.

"Let's call in the sheriff. They can handle it." Mileux suggested.

"Both good ideas." Dennis nodded.

** *

"Phones dead…" Gaspar told everyone standing in the general store.

"How can the phones be dead?! All the phones are-" Mileux started.

"Underground…" Brad finished in an eerie voice.

Van gulped. "Maybe it's just your phone, Gaspar…"

"Nah, all the phones connect into one wire that runs out to the telepath tower." Gaspar clued him in.

"We could try driving out to the next town…" Dennis thought.

"They caught Van here, and we all know how fast he drives." Brad looked to Van, who was flushed with embarrassment. "Our trucks don't stand a chance…"

"Maybe there's only one. We've only heard of this thing this morning." Mileux said, clutching Martina once more.

Suddenly the doors opened and Malik ran in, panting for breath. "IT GOT HIM! IT GOT RICARDO!"

Brad ran over and caught Malik before he fell to the ground and Gaspar fetched some water. "What happened son?" Gaspar asked.

Malik eagerly took the water and swallowed. "A monster, a Diobarg, got Ricardo, Tesla, and Shalte by dragging them underground!"

Mileux immediately set to hugging all the children and making sure that they were all right. Dennis shook his head. "Are you sure Malik?! Them geezers can't be dead!"

"I-I saw Ricardo go down with my own eyes…" Malik looked to the wooden floor.

"Shit." Brad slammed the front desk where the cash register sat. "Where the hell did these things come from?"

"I don't know… but they can hear things stepping on the ground…" Malik explained. "They have some kind of sonar…"

"How do you know this?" Van asked.

"Because I'm a scientist… it's what I do." Malik coughed.

"Great, so what do we do now?" Bras looked around.

"We get high…" Malik stated.

"Now is not the time for weed man!" Van grabbed at his curly hair. "We're all gonna die!"

"Get a hold of yourself kid! Dennis shouted. "We all need to get to the roof! Brad, you get some food, Gaspar, get some kind of shade."

The two nodded and set to work.

** *

The mid afternoon sun sat lazily in the air, radiating its horrid heat to the desert town of Surf below it. The townspeople sat below several umbrellas, not daring to speak. Below, in the dusty street, they could easily make out two Diobargs tunneling in their search for game.

Van lied down on the roof, staring at the design of an umbrella above him. "What do we do now?"

"We wait til they go away…" Mileux answered, looking out across the flat horizon.

"What if they never go away?" Martina asked, looking at her mom.

"They're not that smart, are they?" Dennis asked. "I mean they're just dumb animals."

"One would hope so…" Malik sighed while looking at the street.

"So what about Werner?" Gaspar asked.

"Ah shit. Forgot about him." Brad cursed. He looked over to Gaspar. "You think he's O.K?"

"I hope so…" Tony said as he drew on the wooden planks with a crayon.

"In my humble opinion, it would be best if we contacted him…" Scott shrugged.

Dennis looked to Van. "Where the hell did this kid come from? The Einsteins?"

"He's got a point though…" Mileux stated. "We just can't leave Werner out there by himself."

Brad stood up. "I'll get him."

"Don't go and be a hero." Malik eyed him. "Gaspar, you have that truckers radio, right?"

            Gaspar nodded and then got the picture. He stood up, smiling. "Yea! Werner's always on one of those stations, trying to find that alien channel!"

            "Yea! We'll just call him up!" Mileux smiled.

            "Where's the radio?" Brad asked.

            "It's in the store! Don't worry though, I know my store well enough to get through without being caught!" Gaspar nodded.

            "Hope you know what your doing…" Brad rubbed the back of his neck.

            Gaspar crawled down the emergency ladder and onto a platform that was showcasing bananas. Gaspar could easily see the radio hanging on a wall just a bit yonder. Licking his lips, he leaped from the banana platform onto a shelf. The shelf began to rock forward, much to Gaspar's dislike. The old man with the white moustache climbed it ina  hurry and grabbed the radio, but not before the shelf fell to the ground, creating as much noise as humanly possible. Gaspar stood up, bewildered by the mess.

            "C"MON GASPAR!" Martina and the children shouted.

            "Quiet! They're attracted by noise!" Malik harshly advised the group.

            Gaspar, after collecting his marbles, started for the ladder. As he stepped, a wooden floorboard behind him lifted off the ground, as did the next one, and the next one.

            "How the hell did you get into my store?!" Gaspar whispered to himself.

            "Don't move Gaspar!" Mileux shouted in a hoarse whisper.

            Gaspar stopped in his tracks and stared at the face above him through the fire escape. He could hear the growls of a creature beneath him. "Listen, I'm going to throw you the CB Radio!" Gaspar whispered loudly.

            "Don't! If it falls, they'll find you!" Dennis replied as quietly as he could.

            Gaspar shook his head. "Werner's our only way out of this mess. Just do it." Much against the scared lot of faces, Gaspar threw the radio box. Brad leaned out to catch it, but only got the wire, leaving the radio to hand from his hand, and with the momentum gained from the throw, the radio banged loudly against the wall, alerting the Diobarg.

            "HURRY UP GASPAR!" Van shouted.

            Gaspar did just so, quickly running towards the ladder. He leaped onto an icebox, accidentally turning it on and creating a very loud noise. Gaspar cursed his luck and tried to run along his displays, but the floor erupted in a shower of splinters and dust, and a high-pitched scream and a toothy maw dragged Gaspar under the earth.

            Miluex immediately covered Tony's and Martina's eyes and she weeped softly. Brad pulled the radio up as Dennis and Van tried to recover from the shock.

            "Damnit…" Brad whispered.

** *

            "Werner! Werner Maxwell! Come in!" Dennis' voice ran in through the static on Wenrer's radio. Werner was in his basement, shoving as many shells as he could into what appeared to be a blue barrel. Surprised for a moment, the broad hated coat wearing man reached for the receiver. "Werner here, who's this?"

            "This is Dennis! Listen, there's some real strange shit going on! These monsters are under the ground, attacking people! They already got Gaspar, Ricardo, Tesla, and Shalte!"

            "What the hell are you talking about?! What monsters?!" Werner asked, confused.

            "Gimme that!" Malik's voice could be heard before he took over the radio. "Listen Werner, you have to get off the ground! These monsters detect vibrations through the earth. We're all on top of Gaspar's store! Get off the ground!"

            Werner chuckled. "Look, my basement is surrounded by three feet of concrete, there is no way in hell that any thing could get through there." Werner looked to the wall in which his gun rack was mounted. Huge rifles of every type rested in place and shelves and shelves of bullets sat underneath.

            "Look Werner! Be serious! Just get over here right away, and try not to make any sound!" Malik advised.

            Werner flipped the switch on the blue barrel, creating an enormously loud churning noise. "What, I can't hear you!"

            "WERNER!" Malik shouted.

            Unexpectedly, the gun racks fell off the wall as something big struck the wall on the other side. Werner stopped fiddling with the barrel and stared at the wall. "The hell?"

            The fore struck again, and several cracks formed in the concrete wall. Werner slowly grabbed the elephant gun lying on the floor and loaded it with the most powerful type of bullet he could find. Malik's voice came threw again. "WERNER! GET OUT OF THERE!"

            A white face dirtied by soil broke through the wall, screaming in a high-pitched cry. Werner was immediate to fired upon it, wincing, as the sounds of the gun were hideously loud. The Diobarg grunted in pain as the bullets penetrated the gleaming scales, but still pulled forward, trying to ensnare Werner in its jaws. Werner continued to fire until he ran out of bullets, reloading would take too much time, so he grabbed another rifle and set fire, relieving the gun of its only bullets, and picking up another rifle. Four rifles went through this process before the monster finally fell to the ground, its head shattered in a hundred places, dead.

            Werner stepped back against the radio, chest heaving. He grabbed the radio. "I'll be right over!"

** *

            Evening was drawing on as Werner finally arrived at the General store in his humvee, loaded with every weapon imaginable. Opening the door, Werner fired behind him, striking a moving sand pile and scaring it away for the moment. He looked up to see many happy faces. "I bring tidings of joy and good will towards men."

            "Whatever Santa Clause. Just get up here." Brad smiled.

            And so, using a human ladder of the men, Werner was able to get up to the top of the store with several rifles, which he generously handed to Dennis, Malik, and Brad.

            "Well, where's mine?" Mileux asked, scorn in her voice.

            "Well uh, you see, you're a woman, and I didn't think you'd want anything more powerful than, uh, this?" Werner meekly presented her with a small handgun. Saying nothing, Mileux reached behind him and grabbed an elephant gun. Sighing, Werner turned to the much too eager Van and handed him the handgun.

            "Hey, this isn't fair!" Van complained.

            "When you grow up, you'll find life's not fair." Werner nodded.

            Brad aimed his along the ground. "So, what do we do now?"

            "Since we have guns, we can make it to the next town, right?" Martina asked.

            "Sorry, not enough bullets, for that." Werner explained. "These bastards take a lot of bullets before they die."

            "Well how many of them are there?" Dennis asked.

            "I calculate about two more." Malik explained. "They're large predators, so they're can only be so many in such a small place…"

            "Still, it is awfully dangerous…" Mileux said.

            "But what if they attack at night while we're asleep?!" Tony asked, scared.

            "In my humble opinion, someone should be guard." Scott advised.

            "Goes without saying kid." Werner adjusted a rifle to meet his standards. "But we can't stay here forever…"

            "Goes without saying Werner." Brad stated. "I'll be first watch. Maybe it would be best if we slept on this."

            "How can we sleep like this?!" Martina asked. "We could be eaten any minute!:

            "Shhh! Don't talk like that honey. Just think of other things…" Mileux said, hugging her daughter.

            "Right, well, I'll be on watch too…" Werner said as the others tried to get to sleep.

** *

            Dawn came with a jolt. The townsfolk of Surf awoke with a great shake. Werner fired into the sand, but nothing seems to be stopping the shaking.

            "What's going on?!" Tony cried aloud.

            "They finally developed a brain and figured out where we were!" Malik said, aiming alongside Werner.

            "Are they trying to bring the store down?!" Van shouted.

            "If you want some fruit, break the tree, right Malik?" Bras asked.

            "Exactly." Malik answered.

            "The damn things got my tires." Werner cursed. The humvees tires had gone flat, as great teeth marks were clearly visible.

            "We have to get out of here!" Miluex stated.

            "But where!?" Dennis gasped.

            "There!" Scott pointed out a large bulldozer. "We can get there!… In my humble opinion."

            "The kids right." Brad said. "We can drive that thing to the next town. It must weigh a good ten tons."

            Werner took a glance at it. It was across the street and beyond a trailer. "We'd never make it."

            "We have to take a chance! If we don't we'll die here!" Dennis argued.

            "I don't wanna die man!" Van bit his lip. "I don't wanna die!"

            "No ones going to die!" Mileux shouted. "We just need someone to go get the bulldozer!"

            "I'll go!" Brad volunteered.

            "Me too!" Dennis stood up as well.

            "We'll give you cover!" Werner said.

            "Brad, Dennis, you sure?" Malik looked at them.

            Brad nodded. "For the children.

            "Yea." Dennis nodded as well.

            ** *

            Brad leaped to the Humvee's silver top, causing the thing to wobble under his weight. Dennis joined him, causing the truck to send more vibrations through the ground. Not ten feet away and they were already attracting the Diobargs.

            "If we go together, we'll both get caught. You go one way and I'll go another!" Brad decided.

            Dennis nodded as they both leaped to the ground and started running full tilt. Dennis to the left and Brad to the right. The screams of the monsters were clearly identifiable as they took off, a purple fin rising out of the sand on the larger one.

            "Werner! Fire!" Van shouted.

            "I'm aiming damnit!" Werner spat as he fired.

            Brad leaped over a barbwire fence just as the bullet struck the Diobarg chasing him, causing the monster to deter for a moment.

            Mileux fired a bullet at the large one heading for Dennis, but nothing seemed to shake it off the striped man's tail. Van fired all of his bullets at the ground, not hitting anything. Tony and Martina couldn't stand to watch as Scott kept an analytical eye out on the situation.

            "Left." Scott whispered to himself.

            Brad rolled through some construction pipe before climbing aboard the bulldozer. "Dennis! C'mon!"

            Dennis was only a few feet away when an enormous mouth broke from the sand and clamped onto his legs. Dennis shrieked in pain. Werner and the townsfolk fired upon the beast, causing it to pull faster at Dennis. Brad reached out to grab Dennis's hand, but just couldn't reach. With one last cry of pain, the Diobarg dived underground, bringing Dennis with it.

            ** *

            The bulldozer proved too heavy for the remaining Diobarg. Despite it's many attempts to drag it into the ground, the machine would just continue to slowly pull through until it reach the storefront. Sadden but wary, the citizens of Surf made their way onto the thing as Werner fired upon the Diobarg's attempts to devour it. Werner was the last one on.

            "They got Dennis too. Game over man! Game over!" Van said through his tear stained cheeks.

            "We have to pull through." Miluex stated. "Dennis wouldn't want us to die here because we were too busy mourning for him."

            Martina was proud of her mother. She was really keeping it together, like a real hero would. "That's my mom."

            "At this rate, we'll be lucky to get to the next town in a week." Brad sighed.

            "And I don't think the monsters are going to allow for that." Malik thought.

            "We've got enough bullets to kill of off one." Werner said. If we're lucky."

            "Then where to?" Tony asked, somewhat afraid to know.

            "In my humble opinion, the large rocks outside town would be a good idea…" Scott said quietly.

            "From there we'll stand a chance." Malik advised. "They can't burrow through solid rock."

            Suddenly, the Diobarg unearthed itself, screaming. The children screamed as Van, Brad, Malik, Mileux, and Werner all fired there last bullets into it's gaping jaws. The huge, bubble like black eyes closed as the creature fell before the bulldozer. Knowingly, they all looked to each other. Guns would only slow them down without bullets, and so, the guns fell to the ground and the bulldozer crushed the head of the mighty beast.

            "Only one left…" Werner said.

            "Things are looking up…" Mileux said, trying to be optimistic.

            "No food, no water, 300 miles, and no weaponry is hardly what I call looking up…" Malik sighed.

            "…" Brad looked behind him to see a purple fin rise through the sand.

** *

            About mid day, the bulldozer reached the flat rocks in the desert landscape. Enormous clusters of worn down smooth rock. The bulldozer stopped as the eight remaining villagers boarded the stones, their final refuge.

            "Well, what now?" Brad asked as he looked about. The purple fin was following them still, and now was circling the rocks, trying to find its prey.

            "We could stay here till it gives up." Mileux suggested.

            "We'll be more likely to die of dehydration before that happens…" Malik said as he watched the sun.

            "I've got one last card up my sleeve." Werner said, looking to the unhappy group. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a stick of dynamite.

            Happiness in the form of hope was restored to the seven other faces. Martina giggled. "So all we have to do is get him to eat the dynamite?!"

            "Sounds easy enough!" Tony and Scott said.

            "Dynamite doesn't make enough noise if you just throw it." Malik said. "Someone would have to go out there and stomp around.

            Malik, Werner, and Miluex sighed. Brad smirked. "I'll do it again. Lady luck seems to favor me today."

            "That's not fair, we can't ask that of you." Mileux apologized.

            "Hey, if someone doesn't, then we're all stuck here." Brad grabbed the stick. "This the only one?"

            "Yea, so make it count." Werner said, tipping his hat to him.

            Brad gulped and felt the collar around his neck, Geas. He narrowed his eyes and ran off the rocks and into the sand, shouting as loud as he could while lighting the dynamite. "HERE MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER! HERE MONSTER MONSTER!"

            This immediately attracted the attention of the fin. The villagers stood up, holding hands in hope for their comrade. Brad continued to run. He didn't know why, but for some reason, the lighted fuse in his hand told him to run far away of the rocks. The fin grew as the Diobarg came out of the sand, revealing it's ugly fish like face and enormous teeth. The fuse wouldn't last much longer, so Brad stopped.

            "You fool! You've run too far ahead!" Werner shouted.

            The dynamite stick exploded in a fiery rage, sending sand flying in to the sky. But the Diobarg stopped before running into the flames and blinked its huge black eyes. A great vibration had occurred here, but now nothing but the fire remained. The Diobarg sank back into the sand and the fin turned for the rocks.

            "Damnit!" Malik shouted.

            "Brad…" Mileux looked on at the fire.

            "Was that it?" Martina asked through sobs.

            "Mr. Evans…" Tony looked at the ground.

            "Werner narrowed his eyes and looked up. "How far are the Fiery Wreckage cliffs?"

            "I'm doing this one." Malik said, interrupting his thought.

            "Hell you are?! I'm killing this one!" Werner argued.

            "No! Both of you can't go! You'll never make it to the cliffs!" Mileux objected.

            "What are they talking about?!" Martina, Scott, and Tony were confused.

            "GO!" Werner and Malik shouted. The fin turned from the fire towards the new source of vibrations, running feet.

            Malik and Werner were running parallel to each other, trying to outrace the other towards the edge of the cliff, which was approaching.

            "You didn't have to give up your life Werner, you've already done enough!" Malik said through breaths.

            "Who says I'm going to die!" Werner replied. "You could have stayed and watched over Ms. Mileux!"

            The approaching fun cut their conversation. The cliff was coming up and the creature was getting closer. The stopped as quick as they could coming millimeters from the end and pushed off each other, making way for the fin that ran right through and out of the cliff, sailing through the air. The glimmering ivory coils of the enormous serpent reflected in the sun that would make any fish jealous. A hint of beauty before death, as the Serpent was killed instantly upon hitting the rocks at the bottom.

            Miluex, Martina, Tony and Scott stood up and cheered with all of their might, running out to embrace their heroes. Werner looked to Malik, who smiled back. "That was some crazy shit."

            "Sure was…" Malik smiled.

            But just as the eight embraced upon the cliff's edge, four agents appeared in the desert.

            "Um, excuse me, but uh, some guys told us about a rocket ship around here…?" Gallows began but trailed off as they saw the battered, bruised, and victorious remnants of Perfection: Surf town.

** *

            "Hey, what kind of chapter was this? We were in it for three seconds." Jack moaned as the four sat on the rock as they waited for the eight villagers to recover. "And it was called Octopussy and there were no vaginal jokes!"

            "Maybe that's a good thing…" Lilka thought.

            "It is a good thing." Marivel finished.

            Gallows smiled "Oh I've got tons of them. O.K, so there's this bar…"


	17. Never Say Never Again

**XVII: Never Say Never Again**

_Standing on the scene of Celebrity Jeopardy is the one and only Alex Trebek. He smiles as the camera returns from the commercial._

**_Alex: And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy, but first an announcement. Our ellipses are disappearing at an alarming rate, so please bear with us! Were now on Final Jeopardy and now is the time to see what our contestants put down to the question, "What was the classic sci-fi movie that the previous episode of "From Baskar With Love" was doing a parody of?"_**

_Alex walks to the first contestant, who happens to be none other than Mother in her big insect form._

**_Alex: Mother,you are currently leading with a total of eight dollars. Let's see how you answered the question._**

****_Mother's screen blinks and her answer appears._

**_Alex: And you put "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton". I'm sorry, that is not even remotely correct. And how much did you bid?_**

_Screen flicks again._

**_Alex: You bid four dollars and twenty cents. Well, I guess you still have three dollars and eighty cents left._**

_Mother: I need that money for my lunch of human sacrifice! Bwahahahahaha!_

**_Alex: Oookay. Moving on to our next contestent…_**

_Alex walks over to the hideously ugly final form of the Kuiper Belt._

**_Alex: Alright, With a total of twenty eight cents, Mr. Kuiper Belt, let us see what you put down…_**

_Screen flicks._

**_Alex: GWAAAAAAAAAA. I'm sorry, but I don't think that's even a movie._**

_Kuiper__ Belt: GWAAAAAAAAA!_

**_Alex: Uh huh. Lets see how much you wagered._**

_Screen flickers._

**_Alex: ROAAAAAAAARRRR. I don't even think that can be used as currency._**

_Kuiper__ Belt: ROOOOOOAAAAAARRR!_

**_Alex: I'm so sorry for your lack of personification. And now for our final contestant._**

_Alex walks over to Beatrice, who is standing on a stool behind the podium. She smiles innocently._

**_Alex: Alright Beatrice, You are in debt with eight thousand dollars. Want to see if you can pull it off?_**

_Beatrice: If it doesn't work out, I'll simply create my own Jeopardy show!_

**_Alex: Honey, we don't even have enough ratings on this show! Well let's see what you put._**

_Screen flickers._

**_Alex: Your Mom… Well, it could be a movie, but it is incorrect. And now, your wager…_**

_Screen flickers again._

**_Alex: Sucks. How did I see that one coming? The correct answer was "What is Tremors". "Tremors", you know that movie with the prehistoric worms eating people in that town in the desert? Ah, I see Meteor9 knows what I'm talking about. I'm Alex Trebek and hold my bills, because I'm going to go hang myself now. Good night._**

_Screen fades out as the Jeopardy theme plays._

_** *_

            Aboard the FSS (Filgaian Space Shuttle) Gull Wing in space…

            "Who would have believed that there was a space shuttle in that abandoned mine? I mean, woah…" Jack leaned back in the chair.

            "More like, "I can't believe no one used it when they were being attacked by vicious monsters"!" Gallows replied.

            "Well that's townspeople for you. Generic sheep, though I am surprised that Brad and Malik were there, being a PC and a super enemy." Marivel thought.

            "If it's one thing I've learned, don't ask questions." Lilka sighed. "What do we do when we get to the moon base?"

            "Hey, I thought you said you weren't going to ask questions!" Jack chuckled.

            "Uh, uh, I am so confused!" Lilka's eyes turned into little spirals.

            "Wow, that's a neat trick." Gallows whistled.

            Entering the lobby was Roykman, with a red parrot on one shoulder and a big sloth on the other, pushing a cart and smiled as it stopped before them. "Can I serve you anything? A drink perhaps? Or maybe some horse whistles?"

            "What's with the bird?" Marivel asked.

            "SQUAWK! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAVE YOUR GAME!?" The bird squawked and ruffled it's wings.

            "Save?" Gallows raised an eyebrow. "What you talkin' bout Willis?"

            "Oh don't mind him, he's very old." Roykman patted the bird.

            "Who you callin old sonny?!" The sloth said through toothless lips and spectacles. "Why, in my day, everyone played sprite based RPGs and enjoyed it! There was none of this hububaloo about 'graphics' and 'quality music'!"

            "Don't mind him either." Roykman rolled his eyes. "You know how sprite based characters can be when they haven't had their medicine!"

            "Hey, as the representative of Wild ARMS the Original for the good side, I resent that!" Jack frowned.

            "This is your captain speaking, that memory card guy from Wild ARMS 2, and I'd like to thank you for flying Filgaia Space Ways." The speakers blared.

            "Hola! I am the co-pilot, senior Juan Eguapo Mistado El Lupe Zir Foope El Taco Mariacho Sir Seniorita Estardes, the Memory Figure!" The other speaker blared.

            "Great, we're being controlled by save points…" Marivel sighed.

            "For your entertainment today, we have a special flight movie, "_Armadillo_" (If you've read, "Mr. Sith goes to Washington, you'll laugh! Too bad you won't find it at Fan Fiction.net!), a film about a genetically mutated armadillo who threatens the earth if it collides!" Roykman grinned.

            "Yea! This should be fun!" Lilka clapped her hands together.

            "I think this is really a **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** ship in disguise…" Gallows whispered to Jack, who nodded in agreement.

            "Bwahahahaha! You are so correct, 003!" A deep, monstrous voice called out.

            "What's goin on?!" Gallows stood out of his seat. Roykman frowned as the rest wondered what the hell was up.

            "It's all a grand experiment to see what it takes to drive you crazy! I could just turn you all into demons, but where's the fun in that!?" The monstrous voice cackled.

            "That can only be one person!" Jack leaped over a seat and into the middle aisle. "And that would be Donald Trump!"

            "What?! No you fool, It is I!" The voice then materialized into a white sheet draped over a large four-legged monster with evil red eyes peeking out from a gold mask. "ALHAZAD!"

            "Alhazad?!" Jack stepped back. "Not you, the coolest of the Quarter Knights!"

            "Who the heck are you?!" Marivel narrowed her eyes.

            "ACK! IT"S A GHOST!" Lilka screamed, grabbing Gallows tux for comfort.

            "No you fool, I am no ghost! Just because I'm in a white sheet doesn't make me a trick or treater!" Alhazad growled.

            "But you're obviously evil! I mean, look at them red eyes!" Marivel crossed her arms.

            "My phenotype certainly meets the qualifications, doesn't it? Ha ha, It would be wise for all of you to sit down, unless you want to get hurt!" Alhazad commanded.

            At the notion, Roykman, the sloth, and the parrot all pulled out Popsicle sticks and made a threatening face.

            "Ooh! Popsicle sticks! I'm so scared!" Gallows stuck out his tongue.

            "What you clearly do not understand is that we are armed and you are not!" Alhazad laughed.

            "What are you talking about? I have my uzi's right-" Marivel reached into her pouch, but found them missing. "My uzi's!"

            "Security confiscated our weapons! I forgot all about that!" Jack cursed.

            "EEP! The ghost is scaring me!" Lilka grabbed the tux even harder.

            "I'm NOT A GHOST you damned woman!" Alhazad yelled. "Your weapons are held in cargo, far, far away from here! Now you are stuck with us, and we're taking over this ship!"

            "What about your experiment?!" Jack growled. "Don't you want to see how you can drive us mad?!"

            Alhazad raised a red eye in question. "It would please me so, but orders are orders."

            "Then I have a deal for you!" Jack smiled.

            "Jack! What are you doing?!" Marivel and Gallows both screeched.

            "A deal? Of what sort?" Alhazad was interested.

            "I challenge you to a trail of sanity! If we make it through your experiment, we land on the moon base and you turn yourself in to ARMS HQ!" Jack smirked.

            "And if you were to fail?" Alhazad asked evilly.

            "You can use us in any of your other experiments!" Jack answered.

            "JACK!" Marivel beat Jack to the floor and instantly set to strangling him. Gallows had to pry the Crimson Noble off of him.

            Alhazad's eyes made a gesture of smug pleasure. "You have a deal, Jack VanBurace! Let the trials begin!"

            _Play Chu Chu Rocket Soundtrack #8_

** *

            The four found themselves standing before a large vat of crawling ratmonkeys. Alhazad sat in the corner, smug as usual. "The object of this trial is to see how many Ratmonkeys you can put in that vat. You have fifteen minutes!"

            The overhead compartments popped open, and dozens of the repulsive little creatures began running around the plane's three aisles. The four agents ran about crazily, trying to catch the creatures and put them inside. The ratmonkeys ran around with their little hands in the air and screaming in monkey tongue, driving them all a bit crazy.

            "Thanks a lot Jack! I think we could have handled the Popsicle sticks!" Marivel growled.

            "Yea, well, your welcome for trying to save your lives!" Jack spat back.

            "That ghost is so scary!" Lilka moaned.

            "I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M A DEMON!" Alhazad shouted, fuming.

            They collected all of the very irritating creatures just in the nick of time. Alhazad counted down the seconds on his digital wristwatch and winked. "Very good, my little experiments. Now, my next test is one of endurance. You must read some fan fiction…"

            "Woohoo! That's not bad at all!" Gallows proclaimed.

            "Let me finish. "Alhazad cackled evil like. "You must read all the fan fiction that deals with a **teenage girl and her friends being sucked into the fiction world**. ALL OF IT! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

            Gallows clasped his hands to his cheeks and screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" until he turned into that scream painting.

            "Eww Any kind of fan fiction disturbs me!" Marivel gagged.

            "Hey, I like these kinds of stories!" Lilka said. "And I'm still afraid of that ghost!"

            "I'M A SCIENTIST! NOT A GHOST!" Alhazad shouted.

            And so, the four spent their time reading all of the crappy "teenage girl and her friends get sucks into a fictional world and end up helping the characters against some seriously dire threat", though some of the agents preferred it more than others. Many, many horrendous hours later…

            "And that's the last one." Alhazad put the paper down. "Now please put down your pencils and remain silent until the rest of you classmates have finished."

            "Can't… finish… too …bad…" Marivel dropped onto the floor.

            Alhazad laughed. "One down, three to go."

            Jack, Gallows, and Lilka all looked to each other, worried.

** *

            "Your next task is to do this." Alhazad said as he stood before a make shift cash register. "You must stand behind this old Jewish lady in the grocery line and wait for her to be done bartering." Alhazad laughed as he pointed out mean old Aunt Myra.

            "How does he think these trials up?" Lilka looked at the other two, who simply shrugged.

            "NOW LINE UP!" Alhazad shouted as he donned an apron and stood behind the cash register.

            Gallows, Jack, and Lilka did as told, lining up behind Myra to purchase some imaginary goods. Myra smiled and removed a set of coffee cups from her bag in front of Alhazad. "Ello Mr cashier, I'd like to buy these coffee cups here, but they are a tad too pricy, don'tcha think?" Myra said in her old New Yorker/Jewish lady accent. "The price tag says they're 1.95 each, but in my opinion, they're really worth about 1.03, because of all the shipping and handling and the fact it was probably made be Nicaraguan children in the middle of the jungle and-"

            "ACK! Move it lady! We'll be here forever!" Gallows roared.

            "Excuse me young sir, but I'm bartering here, so let me be!" Myra then turned back to Alhazad, who was chuckling in a sinister manner. "Now, as I was saing, these coffee mugs weren't even made for coffee I'm guessing, they were made for-"

            "That's it! I'm so annoyed, I'm leaving this store!" Gallows then stepped out of line and threw down his imaginary cart and stomped out through a pair of imaginary doors.

            "TWO DOWN! TWO TO GO!" Alhazad laughed maniacally.

            Lilka looked to Jack and sighed. "Man, that ghost is creepy."

            "I AM NOT A GHOST! STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Alhazad shouted.

"So, about these mugs…" Myra went on and on.

** *

Jack and Lilka were strapped to the chair in front of a blank movie screen. Alhazad sat behind them and giggled. "This next film you will be forced to watch is titled "_House of the Dead_". The point of this mission is to last the whole movie without screaming. Are you ready?"

Jack swallowed. "Ready as I'll ever be."

"Will you please go away, Mr. Ghost?" Lilka asked.

"Stop calling me that you annoying child!" Alhazad hissed. "Let the film begin!"

** *

"No, I think the virus has left the island." G said as he looked at the city skyline across the sea.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not a sequel! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jack screamed.

"Bwahaha! You have failed Jack VanBurace. There is only this weak child left to contend with!" Alhazad laughed.

"I'm… sorry Lilka… the movie was just… too… bad…" And Jack passed out.

Lilka turned her head to see Alhazad behind her. She shook with a  bit of fear. "What's next, Mr. Ghost?!"

"I AM NOT A GHOST FOR THE ONE BILLIONTH TIME! IF YOU CALL ME A GHOST ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA SCREAM!" Alhazad shouted.

"Don't scream, you scary Ghost!" Lilka yelped.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Alhazad screamed so loud that -yes; even in space- they could hear him scream.

"Hey, you screamed during the movie, that means you lose!" Lilka pointed to the credits rolling on the screen.

"Damnit. It is all your fault you annoying little girl!" Alhazad growled. "Fine then, be that way Bleh!." Alhazad then disappeared, along with Roykman, the parrot, and the sloth.

"Yea! The planes back in our control!" Lilka destrapped herself and leaped into the air. "Moon base! Here we come!"

The space shuttle flew through the moon as an escape capsule jettisoned off as an asteroid in the distance exploded to some jazzy music. Ahhh yea!

** *

Here comes the Thinkaman! Yea, shut up kid!


	18. A View to Kill

**XVIII: A View To Kill**

_Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…_

**_Van stands on a stage in Little Rock and clears his throat as he pulls a name out of his hat. "And our next contestant is Florina and the rest of the Wild ARMs Advance the 3rd children's choir." Van sighs and mutters. "Oh God, here we go with some 'It's a small world after all' crap…"_**

_Pike taps Van on the shoulder. "Uh, your mike is still on…"_

**_Van leaps into the air and smiles, embarrassed. "Heh heh. I mean, let's give it up for them kids!"_**

_Florina__ and all of those other small children step up to the stage and form a choir. Florina, as the lead singer, smiles and bows._

**_"~Is this the real life-_**

**_Is this just fantasy-_**

**_Caught in a landslide-_**

**_No escape from reality-_**

**_Open your eyes_**

**_Look up to the skies and see-_**

**_I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-_**

**_Because I'm easy come, easy go,_**

**_A little high, little low,_**

**_Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me,_**

**_To me_**

****

**_Mama, just killed a man,_**

**_Put a gun against his head,_**

**_Pulled my trigger, now he's dead,_**

**_Mama ,life had just begun,_**

**_But now I've gone and thrown it all away-_**

**_Mama ooo,_**

**_Didn't mean to make you cry-_**

**_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow-_**

**_Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters-_**

****

**_Too late, my time has come,_**

**_Sends shivers down my spine-_**

**_Body's aching all the time,_**

**_Goodbye everybody-I've got to go-_**

**_Gotta_****_ leave you all behind and face the truth-_**

**_Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)_**

**_I don't want to die,_**

**_I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all-_**

****

**_I see a little silhouette of a man,_**

**_Scaramouche_****_ ,scaramouche will you do the fandango-_**

**_Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-_**

**_Galileo,galileo_****_,_**

**_Galileo galileo_**

**_Galileo figaro-magnifico-_**

**_But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me-_**

**_He's just a poor boy from a poor family-_**

**_Spare him his life from this monstrosity-_**

**_Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-_**

**_Bismillah_****_! No-,we will not let you go-let him go-_**

**_Bismillah_****_! We will not let you go-let him go_**

**_Bismillah_****_! We will not let you go-let me go_**

**_Will not let you go-let me go_**

**_Will not let you go let me go_**

**_No ,no, no, no, no, no, no-_**

**_Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go-_**

**_Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me-_**

****

**_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-_**

**_So you think you can love me and leave me to die-_**

**_Oh baby-can't do this to me baby-_**

**_Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-_**

****

**_Nothing really matters,_**

**_Anyone can see,_**

**_Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me,_**

****

Any way the wind blows...~" 

_Florina__ bows as well as the choir. The audience is confused, but claps anyways…_

Will Florina and her choir win? Find out in the thrilling conclusion on "From Baskar With Love"!

**_** *_**

****

            "Aw man, how did I get stuck with this cameo?" Alan, a blonde young man in a train conductors outfit, moaned as he stood at what seemed to be an indoor train station.

            "Say Alan…" Simon, a ticket seller, stepped over, munching on breakfast. "Where's, uh, where's the ship?"

            Alan glanced at his watch. It happened to be 10:00:12. "GASP!" Alan shouted. "The ship's twelve seconds late! Where the hell could it be?! Oh man, they're gonna fire me for sure!"

            "Calm down man. Here, have a Millennium Puzzle." Simon handed a small rubix cube to the stressful conductor.

            "You don't get it, do you! My job is to make sure that this ship gets here at exactly 10:00! It's way past then and my pride, my heritage is on the line! My father gave his life for the rail service doing his job to the tee, and I'll do so! I-I'm a failure!"

            Simon raised an eyebrow. "Your family's a bunch of loonies. I'd quite the rail business if mah Daddy died in it."

            "Things couldn't possibly be worse! Wait, do you here that?" Alan and Simon put their hands to their ears and listened. It sounded faint at first, but then appeared in full force. The sound of an incoming ship. However, this ship was coming much too fast.

            "Holy shit! We have to duck and cover!" Simon cried out.

            "No! My job is to make sure the ship arrives safely! I will stand here, as I did in Twilight Venom. Boy, what kind of role was that?"

            Suddenly the wall gave in and an enormous space shuttle/airplane crashed through, sliding on the smooth floor until it's parachute caught onto the remains of the wall. The shuttle was barely an inch from Alan's face.

            "Didn't they do this in Airplane 2?" Alan could here a small voice ask.

            "Yea, but that's no relevant right now." Another small voice said.

            The shuttle doors opened and that inflatable slide popped out. Gallows, Marivel, Lilka, and Jack all slid out, brandishing their weapons, ready to take on the moon's army.

            "Holy shit!" Simon gasped.

            "Um um welcome to the Faluna Moon Base! We are so sorry for the delay, please forgive us!" Alan swallowed.

            Alan could say no more, as Gallows shot him dead on, and Simon too. Both of them were shot and dead.

            "Gallows! What did you that for?!" Jack smacked him in the back of the head.

            "They're **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**, which makes them nameless henchmen and doers of evil!" Gallows reasoned.

            "How do you know they weren't just the space shuttle people?" Marivel asked.

            "Uh… oops…" 003 smiled weakly.

            "So where's the laser?" Lilka asked.

            "I don't know. Let's go ask someone who knows." Marivel stated.

            The four ran down the terminal hall, guns ready and willing. It wasn't a long walk before they found several more rail men.

            "Hey! Tell us where the laser is!" Jack shouted, but before they could answer, Gallows had shot them all again.

            "GALLOWS!" Marivel screeched.

            "Sorry, my trigger finger's a little itchy." Gallows shrugged.

            "Let's just try going out the main exit. Maybe we'll find a billboard…" Lilka thought.

            "Wow Lilka! You actually thought of something that wasn't sugar coated!" Jack was surprised.

            "There's a reason I'm an agent you know." Lilka smirked.

            "Creepy… All right! Let's go!" Gallows exclaimed.

            And the four continued running through the airport, with Gallows firing at everyone they past. He shot the peanut guy, the lady with the huge cat, the woman behind the register, the groom and bride, the guard, the gift shop guy, the local security, everyone.

            "Gallows!" Marivel growled once more.

            "Sorry, I just get carried away."

            The four were closing on the main exit, guns brandished. However, standing near the gate were two medieval guards, munching on apples.

            "Hey, you see those people with the guns coming?" One guard asked the other as he stopped munching on the apple.

            The guard looked out. He could clearly see them, but they were very far away. "Yea."

            "Should we do something about it?" The guard asked. Still, the agents were very far away.

            "…Yea." The other replied. The agents were still very far away.

            And in a second, the agents were upon them. Gallows fired twice, let the blood spilled, and urged Marivel to keep her appetite, and Jack urged Lilka to keep her lunch.

            Once outside the two main doors to the airport, the four skidded to a halt, almost tripping over a sight-seeing blue popepee peepepo, Isaac, who promptly ran off screaming. "What the hell?!" Jack asked in awe.

            Before them was an endless canyon, with cliffs, towers, buttes, mesas, plateaus, and gorges of every kind. There was no bottom to be seen, and all of it was housed inside a giant glass bubble. That wasn't the awe-inspiring part though. Rail of every kind, preferably single rails, stretched in crazy patterns all over the place. Miles and miles of suspended, looping rail meant for cargo and supply trains. Still, another awe-inspiring notion was the fact that giant cannons sat atop every mesa, tower, and butte. Smaller, medium, and large cannons all sat on the cannon walls, aiming practically everywhere. It was the Western railway of hell.

            "Looks like somebody had a little too much free time…" Marivel sighed.

            "Look!" Lilka shouted. "The laser!" She pointed, and at the top of an exceptionally high mesa at the far end of the cannon was an enormous observatory with a giant laser (the cheesy looking kid from those old forties movies) aiming at Filgaia.

            "How the hell do we get there?" Gallows scratched his head.

            "Like this!" Jack lifted his hat and pulled out a pair of SOAP grinding shoes. "You guys played through Final Fantasy X, right?"

            Marivel, Lilka, and Gallows all had a frightened, sickened look. "You want us to grind on that roller coaster rail with nothing but our shoes?!"

            "Hey, for Queen and Country man!" Jack pulled out a few more pairs of shoes and handed them to his teammates, who reluctantly put them on.

            "For Queen and Country!" Gallows reassured himself as he stepped on the rail. It went straight down for a ways before setting out. That would gain him speed, but also pull his stomach into his throat. "For Queen and Country…"

            "Just go!" Marivel pushed 003, who screamed the entire way down. The other three followed him, gaining speed until they were racing along the track at the speed of any train. The single rail soon met with several other rails, allowing the four to grind side by side. One hill, then another, then another, then a loop. Gallows was never more scared in his life.

            "Cannon fire!" Jack yelled.

            Yes, it appeared that every cannon among the thousands had locked onto them. Shells larger then train cars launched out from the tops of mesas, blowing apart the rail system just behind them. Lilka could feel the hot fire of the explosions on her back.

            "Jump!" Marivel called.

            The four did just that, leaping and doing a few twists in the air as cannons bombarded the track behind them. The rail dived again, heading down into the ebony abyss below.

            "I don't like the feeling of this!" Gallows squeled.

            The track suddenly ascended and the four could feel their feet leave the rail. They had been launched into the air, heading towards several more mils of rail below them. Cannon fire raged around them as cannons blew each other out, the rock walls down, or the rail apart. Luck certainly was with them. Pure dumb luck.

            Their feet landed with a clunk upon the rail once more, sending them along the suspended track at top speed.

            "Woohoo! His is fun!" Lilka grinned.

            "Oh my god! Someone get me off this thing!" Gallows whimpered.

            Jack suddenly appeared in the lead, crouching his body to gain more speed and less air resistance. Marivel saw this, and decided she would do it as well. The two had wordlessly set up a race between each other, and the miles of railway were soon covered between the two.

            "Jack! Marivel! Watch out!" Gallows shouted.

            Marivel looked from her partner up ahead. A particularly large cannon with strange, neon lights was straight ahead.

            "A beam cannon!" Marivel gasped.

            The lights grew stronger and a vortex of visible energy formed around the tip of the barrel.

            "Quickly, leap to the side rails!" Jack announced.

            The four did so just as the beam was released. An enormous ray of pure orange energy was fired, distenegrating all before it. The top of the rail was blackened and the beam cannon set to resetting itself.

            "Ack! My suits on fire!" Gallows panicked as tried to beat the tails of his tux out as he sped along.

            The rail took a turn, and the four found themselves on a straight away, joining more rail. Two armored trains, covered in spikes and horns, pulled alongside them liked metal horned snakes. Small openings revealed machine gun turrets, and the four were fired upon by semi-machine gun bullets.

            "Jeebus Christ! This is the most insane rail trip I've ever taken!" Jack cried aloud as the four set to trying to dodge the fire from both sides.

            "Just keep going! Maybe we can outrace them!" Marivel called.

            The four all flipped about to make themselves faster and crouched down, but little did they know their rails were ending. Surprised, the four fell down to a lower set of rails that turned and turned, forming a spiral that lead upwards in a different direction. The four could see the trains going off in a different direction below them and now, the rails straightened out after one loop and nothing remained before them save the super laser Arc Smasher.

            "If we survive this, remind me never to pick up skateboarding…" Gallows mentioned.

            Suddenly a rail before them merged with theirs, and a large black box modified sandcraft rolled out before them. The back panel flipped down revealing a rather large cannon. The white words "Alhazad" were written across it and atop stood the Legendary outlaw Ronnie Frown, a Baskar in a long tanned leather coat and a tanned cowboys hat. In one hand was the Carl/Gustav Anti-Sandcraft Rifle and on the other was his familiar Pongo the black Pordarge.

            "I must commend you for making it this far upon our railways, but the enemies of **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** must die!" Ronnie announced.

            The four were still grinding behind it, trying to stay stable and not fall into the chasm below, but yet not slide into the spiked bumper at the end of the Alhazad and the large cannon above it.

            "Oy, another DriftWings cameo." Marivel sighed.

            "I thought you and your bird were dead!" Gallows shouted.

            "This isn't a sequel, Carradine! It's the end of the line for you!" Frown replied.

            "Oy, train jokes and here we are on a railway…" Marivel slapped her forehead.

            The four pulled out their weapons. Firing and staying stable and maintaining speed would not be easy, unless you were a woman. Multi-tasking is what women do. Marivel pulled down the triggers on both of her uzi's expecting to take the outlaw out. The before mentioned outlaw ducked and fired his enormous rifle, breaking a part of the rail behind the grinding heroes. Pongo flew off and into the air before them.

            "Here! Have This!" He shouted before clawing at Gallows arm. With a few frantic flicks, Gallows pried the bird off of him.

            "Have this back!" Gallows pointed his PP7 at Pongo, but found his arm had no feeling, or control in it. The PP7 fell out of his hands into the remote chasm on the moon. "God Damnit!"

            "Get a load of this!" Frown smiled and ducked inside the Alhazad. The four could hear the main cannon clink and turn.

            "Everybody, to the side!" Lilka shouted. "Ack! Get away from me you stupid bird!" Lilka had become under attack by Pongo, who flitted in her face and attempted to scratch out her pretty green eyes.

            The three others leaped to the emergency rails on the side. "Lilka!" Jack shouted for the younger agent, who was still in front of the cannon. Jack pulled out a gun from under his hat and fired several bullets at Pongo. The Pordarge flew off, back to the Alhazad. The cannon fired, sending an enormous bullet with an angry shark's face painted on the end. Jack leaped forward and pushed Lilka to the rail over.

            "JACK!" Lilka shouted.

            No, Jack had not been blown to a million pieces. Instead, he found himself ricochet off the bullet's surface into the air and land on the top of the Alhazad. The three looked very confused.

            "The physics of Mario at work…" Marivel figured.

            The hatch opened and Ronnie Frown leaped out, gun ready. He fired the rifle, just missing Jack and blowing a piece of the cliff side that sped by them away. Jack fired, but due to the wobbling of the rail craft, found the bullet to go through Frown's hat only. Ronnie butted Jack with the barrel, knocking him down to the steel surface.

            "Now you die!" Frown grinned while facing the Carl/Gustav into Jacks face.

            "Hey Frown!" Marivel called. Ronnie gritted his teeth and turned his attention to Marivel, who immediately fired her uzis. The Carl/Gustav flew from his hands. She had just shot the edge of his gun, wounding his fingers. The Carl/Gustav fell into the void below.

            "Damn you Armitage!" Frown yelled.

            "That's Marivel Armitage to you buddy!" Marivel responded.

            "Your name will be inscribed on a tombstone when I'm finished!" Ronnie leaped into the hatch, which meant only one thing.

            "To the sides again!" Gallows shouted.

            Gallows and Marivel jumped to the extreme left rail, as Lilka was on the extreme right. However, the chinking and clanking of the cannon was met with the change of direction for the cannon. The cannon turned left, aiming straight at the two older agents.

            "Thanks a lot Marivel…" Gallows groaned.

            "Get a load of this… again!" Frown shouted. The cannon fired, destroying the cliff side and engulfing the two agents in fire.

            "Marivel! Gallows!" Lilka shouted.

            "Hahaha! You fools, it's useless! Just give up!" Frown shouted.

            Pongo returned with a vengeance, setting upon Lilka like he was an extra in Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds". Angered, Lilka drew her fire wand and waved it, creating an arc of fire. "You mean old bird! Now you'll pay! Blast!" Lilka threw a Crest card into the arc, instantly creating an explosion. She flew through it, as they were all traveling at high speeds, and could make out a fried chicken sitting on the rails behind her.

            "Think your hot stuff eh? Get a load of this!" Frown's cannon clinked and churned from left to right, setting itself on Lilka.

            "Not so fast Frown!" Gallows voice came from now where. Gallows and Marivel were speeding back along the rail, catching up with speeding backwards rail craft.

            "It takes a lot more than that to finish us off! Jack now!" Marivel shouted.

            Jack winked and stood up, kicking opened he hatch and lifting his hat to reveal a stick of dynamite. He lit it and dropped it in and leaped off the rail craft and back onto the rails. The four immediately slowed down their speeds. The craft sped ahead and then exploded, sending the Alhazad and Ronnie Frown into the abyss below. The four agents grinded through the fire and soon there was nothing but the Arc Smasher ahead.

            "You guys are alive!" Lilka expressed her joy.

            "Of course!" Marivel stated.

            "We had the whole thing planned." Gallows said.

            "Even you Jack?" Lilka asked.

            "Yup, even me." Jack finished.

            "Hey! Why didn't you guys inform me!?" Lilka was angry.

            "Because we like to play mind games with you!" Marivel answered.

            "Because your our pawn." Gallows replied.

            "Because it's an adult thing." Jack stated.

            The adults set to laughing, poking fun of Lilka, until their rails ended and they all flew smack dab into a wall. Lilka's rail ran smoothly until it connected with the bottom level of the dome observatory. She looked up to see Gallows, Marivel, and Jack slide down the surface. 

            "Whose the dumb one now?!" Lilka stuck her tongue out and placed her hands on her hips.

            Suddenly the rail system behind them exploded to some jazzy music as Lilka laughed.

** *

Joe: If you grinded for that long, you would have no shoes left by the end.

Enya: I doubt you'd have feet.

I thought it was a great chappy! It had my all time fav original char in it!

Joe: You took this whole level from Sonic Heroes

Enya: And you were even listening to the Bullet Station song while typing it.

Guilty as charged. It's just so cool! And besides, if Tidus and Kamari can grind in FFX, why not everyone's fav Wild Arms Agents?

Joe: Hey I found a nickel! I think I will go buy some gum now!

Random! 


	19. The Living Daylights

**XIX: The Living Daylights**

**_Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…_**

_[Lombardia is lying atop a Castle, with Galahad, surrounded by the Gunner's Heaven/Ancient Arena cast] Lombardia (in a welsh accent): Galahad, the only way to kill the evil duke Begguci, is to kill me! For we both share the same heart!_

**_Galahad: I could never kill you Lombardia! We're… we're friends! You and I are war buddies, and I just can't kill you, even if to stop Begguci!_**

_Lombardia: Think not of me! Think of the villagers! If Begguci is not killed, then he will continue to exploit all of the villagers until everyone is locked away or killed._

**_Begguci (stepping onto scene, sword drawn): Kill Galahad and capture the dragon!_**

_Galahad: I see you're point…_

**_Lombardia (lifting up chest plate to reveal half a dragon heart.): Kill me ye damned fool!_**

_And now for the conclusion…_

_** *_

            A ventilation shaft pops open in a large open area. There are only a few lights that stream from the top of the high vestibule. It is very open, and very empty. Gallows Carradine rolls out of the ventilation shaft, hands out in what appears to be a want-a-be kung fu move. Marivel pops out afterwards, Uzi's drawn, with Jack and Lilka tumbling out behind.

            "Ouch. Why'd you have to push me for Lilka?" Jack rubbed his bum as he picked himself up from the checkerboard floor.

            "Because your big bum was in my face." Lilka stuck out her tongue.

            "Say, where's the Calvary?" Gallows asked, looking around.

            "We're trying to sneak in, remember?" Marivel prodded his side. "So the Calvary would be a bad thing."

            "Duh." Gallows stuck out his tongue. "Who's the super agent here?"

            "You don't even have a gun, oh super agent." Marivel sighed.

            "Hey Jack!" Gallows called.

            "Yo." Jack replied.

            "Grab me a gun from under your hat!" Gallows asked.

            "What do I look like, the props department?" Jack growled as he lifted off his black cowboy hat and reached inside. He pulled out a copy of "Last Exile Vol. 2", a baseball bat, a coffee mug, an autographed copy of "Stripped" by Christina Augelera, a cat, two left gloves (one with the middle finger missing), a tiny Buddha, a ladder, Jimmy Buffet, some Ritz crackers, and a seashell before coming across a PP7. "Here you go." He tossed the weapon to Gallows.

            How do you keep all that stuff in your hat?" Lilka asked, bewildered.

            "You don't want to know." Replied Jimmy Buffet before being stuffed back inside with all of the other stuff.

            "Ookay…" Marivel blinked. "Which way to the laser?"

            "Not so fast, my dear child." Came a rather rude sounding voice. The four looked up to see a robed man with quite the "pail" complexion standing on a balcony ahead. "You may have come this far, 003 and friends, but you've run out of luck."

            "And you are?" Asked Gallows. Cool and Suave.

            "The name is Leehalt Alceste, head technician and number two within **P.R.O.P.H.E.T's** ranks." The man replied, boasting rather proudly.

            "I'm still waiting to be impressed." Jack said in a welsh accent.

            "You're number two, so who's number one?" Lilka asked.

            "That would be number 1." Leehalt said rather flatly.

            "You ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer…" Marivel rolled her eyes.

            "Well Leehalt, there's only four of us and one of you! Wait, I mean, there's four of us and only one of you!" Gallows pointed out.

            "How observant of you, Mr. Carradine, but this can be evened." Leehalt laughed.

            "How?" Marivel asked, rasing an eyebrow.

            "Well, he can subtract three of us, or add three to his side, or subtract one of us and add two to his side, or-" Lilka counted on her fingers.

            "Enough of this!" Leehalt waved a hand in front of him for dramatic purposes. "Time to settle out the odds." Leehalt snapped his fingers. From the darkness appeared a green creature with sharp teeth and a wicked grin.

            "Umm, that's still not even…" Gallows pointed out.

            "How very right you are, Mr. Carradine." Leehalt chuckled. He snapped his fingers and the floor underneath Gallows opened up. Gallows fell into the darkenss, and the floor closed up over it.

            "GALLOWS!" Marivel screeched.

            "Marivel showing compassion? What the?" Jack sweated a little. Things must be bad.

            "Um, Mr. Leehalt, the odds still; aren't even." Lilka stated.

            Leehalt didn't bother to reply as he snapped again. A rumble could be felt and the far wall was torn to pieces. From the fog of destroyed brick came forth an enormous man in a trench coat and a spiked hat. "ASGARD! MY SPY! LET US DESTROY THESE PEONS!" Leehalt shouted, throwing his arms up for more dramatic purposes.

            "Oh shit…" Jack stepped back.

            ** *

            All was dark. Then all was light. Then all was a bit fuzzy. Then shapes came into being. Three shapes, standing over Gallows. Gallows blinked and tried to sit u, but found he was strapped to a metal table, facing an overly bright light. The three figures revealed themselves when his vision adjusted. There was a large man with a gray beard and no hair in a lab coat, another large man (of the Baskar kind) with tiny spectacles and crazy hair and a pencil thin moustache, and a much leaner man with dark hair and a lab coat. 003 could hear music building in the background and the three scientists began to march around the table, which meant only one thing.

"No! Not a musical number!" Gallows screamed.

"~[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Kidnap Mr. Carradine…

[Elliot]

I wanna do it

[Pete]

Let's draw straws

[Duran]

Boss said we should work together

Three of a kind

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Birds of a feather

Now and forever

Wheeee

La, la, la, la, la

Kidnap Mr. Carradine, lock him up real tight

Throw away the key and then 

Turn off all the lights

[Duran]

First, we're going to set some bait

Inside a nasty trap and wait

When he comes a-sniffing we will

Snap the trap and close the gate

[Elliot]

Wait! I've got a better plan 

To catch this secret agent man

Let's pop him in a boiling pot 

And when he's done we'll beat him up

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Kidnap Mr. Carradine

Throw him in a box

Bury him for ninety years 

Then see if he talks

[Duran]

Then Mr. Ragu Ragla man

Can take the whole thing over then

He'll be so pleased, I do declare

That he will cook him rare

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Wheeee!

[Pete]

I say that we take a cannon 

Aim it at his door and then

Knock three times and when he answers

Carradine will be no more

[Duran]

You're so stupid, think now

If we blow him up into smithereens

We may lose some pieces

And the Boss will beat us black and green

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Kidnap Mr. Carradine

Tie him in a bag

Throw him in the ocean

Then see if he is sad

[Elliot and Duran]

Because Mr. Ragu Ragla is the meanest guy around

If I were on his mangle list, I'd get out of town

[Elliot]

He'll be so pleased by our success

That he'll reward us too, I bet

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Perhaps he'll make his special brew

Of mega berry stew

Ummm!

We're his little henchmen

And we take our job with pride

We do our best to please him

And stay on his good side

[Duran]

I wish my cohorts weren't so dumb

[Pete]

I'm not the dumb one 

[Elliot]

You're no fun

[Duran]

Shut up!

[Elliot]

Make me

[Duran]

I've got something, listen now

This one is real good, you'll see

We'll send a present to his door

Upon there'll be a note to read

Now, in the box we'll wait and hide

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Until his curiosity

Entices him to look inside

And then we'll have him

One, two, three

[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]

Kidnap Mr. Carradine, beat him with a stick

Lock him for ninety years, see what makes him tick

Kidnap Mr. Carradine, chop him into bits

Mr. Ragu Ragla is sure to get his kicks

Kidnap Mr. Carradine, see what we will see

Lock him in a cage and then throw away the key

Heeheeheeheehee!~"

            Gallows swallowed. This didn't look good. "Who's this Mr. Ragu Ragla Man?"

            Elliot (the leaner one) adjusted his glasses and made a crooked smile. "Ragu Ragla is the lord of evil."

            Duran (the balding one) and Pete (the Baskar) all put their hands into the air. "Hail the Ragu Ragla!"

            "You see that laundry chute over there?" Elliot smiled as he pointed to a laundry chute surrounded by thousands of candles. 

Gallows nodded. "Uh huh."

Pete walked over and laughed. "That leads to the Ragu Ragla. We make him offerings and he praises us with good fortune!"

Gallows narrowed his eyes. "Say… aren't you supposed to be my Dad, Pete?"

Pete cleared his throat. "This isn't a sequel, so that part is irrelevant."

"Enough of this silly banter!" Duran yelled. "It is time to make the sacrifice!"

"What kind of God lives at the bottom of a laundry chute anyway?" Gallows asked.

"Thou shalt not question the great and might Ragu Ragla!" Elliot waved his hands in the air. "It is blasphemy to say so!"

"Why should I care, you're about to feed me to him anyway!" Gallows objected.

"Because you should practice tolerance while visiting strange new cultures." Pete read from a book he was reading.

"Oh, I see…" Gallows stated.

"Good. Now **FOR THE SACRIFICE**!" Duran shouted once more.

"Wait! Should we cook the agent first?" Pete asked. "Maybe Ragu Ragla would like that…"

Elliot raised a hand to his chin in thought. "Yes. Maybe he'll want to slurp on the brains as an appetizer…"

"Oh god…" Gallows moaned.

"I say we BROIL him!" Duran shouted.

"That will take too long! Lets barbeque him!" Pete argued.

"I agree." Elliot nodded his head.

"BROIL!" Duran shouted.

"BARBEQUE!" The two other scientists shouted back.

** *

Commercial break: [Black screen with the Migrant Symbol fading in. Gallows voice] "_Last Exile_", I mean "_From Baskar With Love_".

Commercial Break over: [Black screen with the Migrant Symbol fading out. Marivel's voice.] "_From Baskar With Love_".

** *

Meanwhile…

Lilka, Marivel, and Jack were huddled together, calculating their enxt move.

"So, you guys want a coke with the burgers?" Jack asked.

"Sure! Wait! We're supposed to be planning our attack!" Lilka responded.

"Right. That golem there looks like he could take on an army by himself. We'll have to out think him!" Marivel stated.

"Ooh! A spelling Bee!" Lilka giggled.

"He's a computer! That's dumb. …Hey, I know!" Jack smiled.

"What?!" The two girls demanded to know.

"He's a big clunking metal man right? Let's have a dance off! The green guy has pathetic legs and Asgard's a golem, which means he can't dance too well!" Jack grinned.

"And you can dance?" Marivel asked sarcastically.

Jack lifted off his hat and pulled out a dancing award. "Here's all the proof I need baby."

"Well, it's just sane enough to work." Lilka nodded.

"That's crazy, Lilka." Marivel corrected.

"What's crazy?" Lilka asked, confused.

"Never mind. Let's go for it!" Jack placed his hand in the middle, and Marivel and Lilka put theirs on top. "Let's Go!"

"Ready to die?" Leehalt crossed his arms as the three disbanded their huddle.

"WE CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE OFF!" Jack shouted.

"A dance off?" Leehalt was a bit surprised.

"That's right!" Marivel crossed her arms. "Unless you're chicken!" Lilka immediately set to clucking like a chicken.

A nerve appeared in Leehalt's forehead. "Insolence! We accept!"

"Good! We make it two out of three!" Jack smirked.

"Very well, but let it be known that Asgard has won every dance off seven years running." Leehalt laughed. "Show them your prowess, Asgard!"

Asgard nodded and immediately set to doing the robot with no flaws. The agent's jaws dropped to the floor.

"Thanks a lot Jack." Lilka narrowed her green eyes.

"Yea Jack. Remind me to drain your blood if we're still alive." Marivel thrust her chin in the air.

Suddenly, on the third story balcony, several lights turned on. A flattened cardboard box fell to the floor before Asgard's boots and a speaker system turned on.

"Welcome to the P.R.O.P.H.E.T/ ARMS Dance Off! I'm your announcer Catherine Winslet!" Catherine's voice sounded throughout the hall.

"And I'm the ref, Kaitlyn Winslet!" Kaitlyn tiny voice boomed through.

"What a beautiful day for such a dance off! Don't you agree Kaitlyn?"

"I sure do Mommy! Today's tournament goes as follows! Marivel will take on Leehalt, Lilka takes on the green spy, and Jack will take on Asgard!"

"How exciting! Two out of three wins, so let the tournament begin! Lilka vs. the green monster spy to the Latino dance hit by Vivian, "_Conga Feeling_"!" Catherine hit the sound system, and that hit from DDRMAX2 came blaring on, with Lilka and the green spy facing the announcers.

Lilka, as luck would have it, was an excellent dancer, having taken years and years of ballet. Her spins, steps, and turns were perfect, matching the beats and never standing still once. The spy found it hard to even stand without flying, so it looked like he was spinning like a top. Impressive the first time, but not after five seconds. Lilka was having fun with it, and even set to swaying her hips a bit. The song was soon over, and the heat was still on. The other four clapped.

"Wow, that Lilka sure can dance!" Catherine commentated.

"She sure can! She scores a 8 in my book!" Kaitlyn judged.

"And what of the green spy?" Catherine asked.

"The spin was good, but that's ALL he did! Dancing needs variety, Mommy, and he sure didn't have any of that! 2!"

Lilka immediately set to gloating and rubbing it in to the crestfallen green monster. Marivel and Leehalt went to the dance floor. Both of them looked set on winning.

"One for the ARMS side! If Marivel wins this one, then ARMS will win!, So what's next Kaitlyn?" Catherine asked.

"It's gonna be weird, because both of them are wearing dresses and robes, but let's see how they do to DJ Alligator Project's "_The Whistle Song_"!" Catherine hit the system once more, playing that techno beat.

Marivel began well. She wasn't a professional dancer and didn't have any of the experience that Lilka or Jack had. She stuck to the beat, swaying her hips (which didn't come out to well in that big blue dress) and shook her shoulders. Getting into the song, she started to dance very much like a pop star would, leaping, kicking, and acting rather erotically. Jack was very much turned on, even if Marivel looked no more then fourteen. However, despite her performance, Marivel was being outclassed. Surprisingly (c'mon, it's Leehalt we're talking about!) Leehalt knew how to dance. He could keep to the beat and throw in enough diverse tricks to keep his score going. He even used the cardboard box and started break dancing, even going for the head spin! His hands were in tune to the music, swaying back and forth rather mysteriously and allowing every part of his body go with the music. And then the music was done.

Gasping for breath, the two stepped off as Catherine commentated. "Wow, that was great!"

Kaitlyn added her thoughts right after. "It sure was Mommy! It's easy to see Marivel's an amateur, but she could keep up there with Leehalt, who was great!"

"I think Marivel's dancing was a little too old for your eyes darling." Catherine added.

"Well it is a rather phallic song. Marivel gets a 5 and Leehalt gets a 9!" Kaitlyn awarded the score.

"Ha! It seems all those dancing lessons I took to impress Ekatrina have paid off!" Leehalt grinned. "Next is Asgard! Victory will be ours!"

"Ooh, next is truly the dance of champions, eh Kaitlyn?" Catherine commented.

"It sure is! Jack's known through out Filgaia for his dancing techniques, and Asgard has yet to lose at a professional Dance off!"

"So what do we have to dance for?!"

"This is going to be great! The final dance will determine the winner! The song: Be For U's "_Dive ~more deep & deeper style_~!" Kaitlyn took her turn to hit the speaker. The song set to play, and the dancers were set.

Asgard and Jack were immediate to stay with the beat. The lyrics may be in Japanese, but who cared? The golem could dance, and his constant footwork and stylish arm movements were earning him points. Jack could keep up well, spinning and leaping to the beat as well. The two were like twins (the fraternal kind, cus they didn't look any thing a like.), doing the same exact movements. Shaking hips, artificial or real, shoulder shaking, and head movements were in there, adding to the overall performance. The onlookers were in extreme awe, as this was the dance of the century. But what really came to mind was the fact that Jack began to sing along, his voice sounding nothing like the female Japanese vocalists, but still a rather good voice if you ask me. Asgard didn't bother to sing, concerning himself with the dancing that he was pulling off perfectly. Sweat was forming on Jack's forehead. He was beginning to tire out. Asgard was a machine, and thus he didn't tire out. Jack's steps were starting to falter a bit, but yet he continued to karaoke. Everyone was on the edge of their seats. Who would win the song ended?! Well, with a perfect leap and twist with a V sign stretched over their eyes, the song ended.

"I-I'm speechless…" Catherine expressed happily.

"Oh My God. They were so incredibly good Mommy!" Kaitlyn was still in awe.

"I'll say. They should do this professionally!"

"They should! And now… the scoring! Asgard gets a perfect 10 for his breath taking moves!" Kaitlyn shouted.

"P.R.O.P.H.E.T wins!" Catherine declared.

"Wait! And due to his incredible karaoke while doing that awesome dancing, Jack gains as 10.5 for extreme multitasking!" Kaitlyn shouted.

"Is a 10.5 legal?" Catherine asked.

"Hey, I'm referee! What I say goes!" Kaitlyn defended herself.

"You heard it! Arms wins!" Catherine announced as confetti began to fall from the ceiling towards the ground.

Lilka and Marivel latched onto Jack as "_We Are the Champions_" by Queen played. Jack fell over, and the three were one happy team.

"I can't believe we lost!" Leehalt kicked the green spy, sending him flying into the darkness above while he screamed.

"Yea! You lost, which means you have to give up!" Marivel stood up.

"YEA!" Lilka stuck out her tongue.

Leehalt growled and stomped, being the sore loser he is. "You win. Grrr, I need to vent! Where's Teefa85?1 She needs to write a chapter for me to explode in!" nd with that, the two remaining P.R.O.P.H.E.T dancers began to walk away.

"Wait! Asgard!" Jack stepped towards him. Asgard looked over his shoulder. "Hey, no hard feelings between professional dancers, eh?"

Asgard turned around. He couldn't smile, but he nodded and shook Jack's hands. "No hard feelings."

"Good… Say, aren't you supposed to only have one arm?"

Asgard tipped his hat and shrugged. "This isn't a sequel." And with that, Asgard disappeared through the hole in the wall, along with Leehalt.

"Well, all's well that ends well." Lilka said.

"Oh crap! We forgot about Gallows!" Marivel leaped up.

"Hey guys!" Gallows waved as he walked up with a cherry coke in hand.

"Oh hey Gallows." Jack waved and then turned to Marivel. "So where do you think they took him?"

"Wait a minute!" Lilka suddenly realized. "Gallows?! But how?"

Gallows shrugged. "I was kidnapped by these three scientist who wanted to dissect me and feed me to this God, but they started fighting between themselves. I took the opportunity to slip out of my bonds and find my way back. Real cool and suave."

"Wow. You doing something on your own. That's different." Jack rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh thank goodness you're here!" Marivel clasped her hands together. She then realized what she was doing and coughed and looked the other way. "So we don't have to go looking for you, I mean…"

"Oookay. Creepy." Gallows stated.

"Say, where'd you get the cherry coke?" Lilka tilted her head.

"In a vending machine down the hall, but, uh, I think it was a bomb." Gallows sipped some more coke and looked up to the DJ's. "Hit my music girls!"

"Will do!" Catherine and Kaitlyn replied and hit some jazzy music as the vending machine/bomb exploded behind the four reunited agents.

** *

Next time on From Baskar With Love…

Marivel joins the Brazilian Soccer Team in hoping to become the best Soccer player in the world! Can Gallows, Jack, and Lilka protect her from an angry Brazilian mob after they lose the cup? Stay tuned for From Baskar With Love number 20, "_License to Kill_"!

** *


	20. License to Kill

**XX: License to Kill**

Farm Fresh wasn't exactly the greatest place in the world. Actually, to put it honestly, Farm Fresh was the worst place in the world. If you were a courtesy clerk there, and by courtesy clerk I mean bagger. The guy at the end of the register who has to bag your crap and bring it out to your car for you. This unlucky fool was bagging for a "pail" man in robes who had ordered a small number of edible goods, mainly some Wise barbeque honey potato chips and a half a gallon of milk. Leehalt walked to the cashier, who didn't have it much better then the bagger, and narrowed his eyes.

"And how much money do I owe you, oh vermin?" Leehalt scowled.

The blips and murmur of the other registers were a constant noise as the young girl cashier glanced at her screen. "That'll be $4.50."

Leehalt dug into his pockets to try and find his wallet. Ever since he had to quit **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** due to his massive failure as number 2, life had not been good. But then again, this is Leehalt, so when was life ever good? He cursed himself mentally, for never having nay luck. All he had was a five, which was supposed to last him the week. Damn. Maybe, there was a price checking error and he'll get the items free. Maybe, but then again, with his luck, it won't happen. Damn again. He yanked out the five and handed it to the girl as the unlucky bagger placed the milk and chips into cheap plastic bags.

"Thank you, have a nice day!" The girl said. Like she really cared. Leehalt didn't bother to reply as he left grocery store through the twin doors. The electric sliding doors opened for him, and then closed after, but caught the trailing end of his robes. Damn, yet some more shitty luck.

The weather was sunny, as it was always on Filgaia. C'mon people, it's a desert world! I bet they'd kill for some rain every now and then! Anyhoo, Leehalt raised a hand to cover his vision from the sun. Damn sun, why'd it have to be so bright. If only there was a way to block it out, like an eclipse or something. But then again, Leehalt has no luck, and then sun would continue to create glare. The pavement was hot, no surprise, and Leehalt walked in sandals. Not only was it sporty, but also it was also conventional and it ran well with the whole robe look. However, his thin sandals didn't fare too well against hot pavement, and Leehalt had to endure it at. Damn heat, no luck. Several cars were coming into the parking lot, scouting around like sharks for prey as idiot drivers sought a parking place. Aldehyde was not the best place for motorists, but in order to get anywhere in the sprawling city, one needed a car. And it was well known that Aldyhyde motorists weren't the best motorists in the world. One would wonder what kind of curriculum they were running in the drivers Ed over here. Leehalt pondered this as yet another car sped past him in the parking lot. The fools! Don't they know that speeding in the parking lot is illegal and stupid! Oi, humans…

Leehalt finally found his car in the parking lot. A 1997 Honda Accent, of the silver color. Each tire on it was from a different company, the windshield wipers were broke and the lights were badly in need of being replaced. Leehalt reached into his pocket once more, fumbling about for his keys. He pulled them out with success but their silverness slipped through his fingers and fell to the black pavement below. The hot black pavement below. Damn luck. Leehalt stared down at the ground for a while, contemplating his situation. What if he was to leave ye damned keys there, to rot in the boiling sun on the hot pavement for the rest of eternity. Such a reward for slipping through his fingers seemed perfectly worthy. But it couldn't be good. His apartment key was on it, and if somebody were to find these keys, they could easily walk right in. No, we couldn't have that. Damned luck.

So Leehalt reached down and picked up his keys from the singing parking lot. The keys had grown warm in the time it sat on the ground, and burned his fingers upon touch. Leehalt cursed his luck and picked them up and unlocked the door as quickly as he could and throwing the keys into the ignition. No more shall he touch those keys… that is until he got home. The car was hot inside, as it was hot outside and heat tends to stay inside cars. With all the robes he was wearing, it was unbearably warm. Leehalt growled. The seat belt was like molten iron and the A/C was doing nothing but blowing warm air out. Damn luck. He sweated and turned the ignition on (2nd ignition! Hohohohoho!) and listened to the engine. VAROOO ICK ICK ICK! Leehalt looked surprised. Engines weren't supposed to go ick ick ick ick. They were supposed to go varooom chug chug chug. Great. Leehalt turned the hot key once more and obtained the same result. He narrowed his eyes. Damn. He looked into his wallet. .50 was all there was left. Enough for one phone call. Not enough for a tow truck of any kind. Leehalt rushed into the grocery store once more (after narrowly avoiding death by bumper) and slid the two quarters into the phone and picked up the dial. Who to call? Well, there was his room mates. The green spy didn't have a car and Asgard's driving skills were about as good as his facial expressions. Yet he was in a jam, and he needed any kind of help.He dialed in his apartment number.

RING

RING

RING

RING

We're sorry, there currently is a technical problem with our service. Please hang up and try again.

Leehalt couldn't believe his ears. His eyes widened, rage filling his soul. DAMN IT ALL! DAMN the luck! He would be trapped, forever, here at this infernal gathering place of damned sheep. Unless… Leehalt smirked. A telephone lay on the customer service counter. He could use it all right. He'd just have to be sneaky, clever. Just what he did anyways.

Leehalt approached the customer service counter, where poor fools would wait hand and foot upon old ladies in hideous sweaters and mothers with hundreds of whiny brats. Just the type of people Leehalt couldn't stand. He wasn't here for the line though; he was here for the phone! His eyes darted to it. No one was there, no one was watching. He could do it. The man walked over to the phone, whistling. The two-customer support people were busy, attending to a bill an old lady in huge sunglasses demand be paid. Excellent. He lifted the receiver off the hook and glanced upon the buttons. So may lines, which one led to the outside world? He decided it would be best to just go ahead and try one. Success! Perhaps some luck would be with him today! Perhaps the world was not after him. Mayhap some good would occur. He punched in the number, quickly, and trying to act inconspicuous.

"SNARL GWARF! GEHEHEHE!" It was obviously the green spy, as he didn't speak English. Hints of a television broadcast were heard in the background. "_The Dukes of Hazard_"? Most likely.

"Put Asgard on the phone!" Leehalt said in a harsh whisper.

"OGGLE RABY POO!" The spy said before getting off. Several footsteps were heard and soon a deep voice barreled through the receiver. "Yes?"

"Asgard!" Leehalt whispered. "It would appear that my car has broken down. I need you to come pick me up." Asgard nodded, but Leehalt couldn't tell, being on the other end of the phone. "Asgard?"

"I will come." Asgard replied.

"Wait! You don't even know where I am!" Leehalt almost shouted.

"…Where are you?" Asgard asked.

"The Farm Fresh on south Battlefield! Hurry, I can no longer stand these miscreant creatures!" Leehalt eyes the humans around him. Oh, how they made him sick.

"Understood." Asgard responded and the phone line died. Leehalt smiled and hung up the phone, only to face the store manager.

"Excuse me sir, but we have payphones for personal calls. This phone is business only." The manager gave him a dirty look.

Leehalt smiled an embarrassed smile and took a step back. "Ah, well, you see, I have no money and my car… broke… down…" Leehalt could see he was going nowhere. Damn the luck.

And so, Leehalt was kicked out of the store and told to never come back. Leehalt sneered. Of that he would do. Why would he wish to venture in a store filled with these nasty creatures? Ung! Leehalt made a mental note to blow the store up in the near future. But first, he had to get on with life, find a new job, and pay the rent, things of that nature. Capitalistic pigs! If number 1 goes through with his plans, well, things will look up! Sure those secret agents were up on the moon running amok, but number 1 still had 001 by his side. Foiled by the one thing he was good at. Dance. It's time to change the subject.

Many hours passed before Asgard arrived in an old beaten white station wagon. The parking lot was empty and the store too (but Farm Fresh never closes). An entire day wasted. Damn the luck! Leehalt was set on a bench, trying to pry his fingers off the potato chip bag. The milk had gone bad several hours ago, and so, this weeks rations were down to tap water and chips. Aldehyde tap water has been known to kill, so people try to stray away from it. Damn the luck. Asgard parked in the lot and stepped out, taking much weight off the station wagon. His cold eyes searched the parking lot.

"What is wrong with the Alceste-mobile?" Asgard asked, making a joke. It didn't feel like a joke because 1.) Asgard said it, so now facial expressions were shown, and 2.) the recipient of the joke was Leehalt.

Leehalt scowled and pointed to the Accent. Asgard followed as he walked over. Leehalt inserted the keys and tried again, but the same sick noises emitted from the engine. "It won't start."

Asgard stepped over to the front and attempted to lift the hood, but found he had torn it off. He would have blushed at the power of his own strength if he could. Leehalt cursed his luck once more as Asgard ran a systems check with the car. "Your battery is dead."

"Battery dead?" Leehalt looked surprised. He glanced at the light switch for his headlights. It was set to on. He had left them on while he was in the store: the whole time. Damn the luck.

"Do not worry." Asgard grabbed one end of the battery with his giant metal hand and the bumper with his other. "I shall charge it for you." Asgard's eyes began to glow as he charged the car up with electricity from his own eternal engine. In a moment, he was done, and then looked to Leehalt. "Your engine should work now."

"But what about my hood?" Leehalt tapped his fingers. Asgard turned to the hood, which was lying on the parking lot. He picked it up and slammed it onto the car, temporarily wedging it in.

"That should do." Asgard replied.

Leehalt didn't bother to thank the golem as he stepped in and started the engine. It worked, just as the golem said. Very useful, that golem. Leehalt snickered as he backed the car up and then turned from the parking lot and onto Battlefield, heading south so he could get on the 64 West. He'd get home before Asgard, even with engine trouble. Asgard was the worst motorist in all of Aldehyde, and quite possibly all of Filgaia. Not like it mattered though. Leehalt just simply liked being "first". He tried so hard to be first, but never got it. It laws like the heavens were punishing him. And so therefore, Leehalt was a very jaded man. A man who had no luck. A man who munched on Wise Potato chips while driving the freeway. A not very safe man.

It was a very shabby apartment, even though they had got the apartment last night. It was in the bad part of town, the commonly referred to as P-Town, or Pittsbourough heights. The apartment, though, had nothing high about it. It was a one story with two bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room (where the Spy slept). Leehalt inserted the keys in, but found the door unlocked. The Spy never locked the door, and that drove him crazy. What if his arch enemies were to come looking for him?! They wouldn't even have to bother breaking the door down! Damn the luck. Leehalt slammed the door opened, waking the Spy out of a nap on the couch. The cool, night air came in through the open doorway as Leehalt stood there, scowling. The Spy eeped and flew off a bit. He knew that a kicking was coming. Leehalt growled and closed the door, making sure to lock it. He walked into the kitchen, through a sea of trash. One couldn't see the floor in the apartment, as Asgard and the Spy were both very messy people. Leehalt was too busy to clean up after them, and so, the floor disappeared, (even if they had only been there one night.) though rumor has it that it's a soft shade of blue. Several plastic chairs stolen from someone's lawn decorated the card table, and Leehalt dropped his keys and the potato chips upon it. He opened the refrigerator door and slid the bad milk in, so that it could accompany the other gallon of bad milk. Damn the luck. He closed the door and stared at the ceiling. It was still as white as it was before he left this morning. He needed a job. His eyes strayed from the ceiling to the fridge door, where a single lottery ticket was taped to it. Tonight was lottery night. Leehalt remembered this. He had bought this ticket the other day at a 7-11. Perhaps he'd spend the rest of the night watching the numbers. But with his luck, it would be a waste of time. Damn the luck.

Leehalt decided it best just to go to bed. So he waded through the garbage-strewn floor, past the television, and into his room. He wouldn't bother with the brushing teeth and flossing before bed routine tonight. With his luck, it would only cause him to floss out a tooth. Dental bills weren't really on the list right now. He sighed and wrapped himself in the K-mart brand blankets and stared into the pillow. Maybe he could smother himself out right now. Nah, then who'd look after Asgard and the Spy? Not like he cared for them, and besides, Ekatrina wouldn't look upon suicide with high regard. Damn the luck. And so Leehalt closed his eyes, and drifted to sleep.

** *

RING

RING

RING

Leehalt opened his eyes and glanced at the digital clock on his counter. 11 P.M. Who in their right mind would be calling now? Damn the luck. Leehalt reached over, knocking a few items off the counter while reaching for an ugly yellow cord phone.

"What the hell do you want?" Leehalt grumbled.

"LEEHALT!" It could only be Melody. "Guess what!?"

"What ye damned woman!?" Leehalt grumbled some more.

"Your on another episode of "_From Baskar with Love_"!" Melody squealed.

"What the?! I've already been in one chapter! I can't be in two!" Leehalt sat up.

"It's true! Your getting double exposure! How lucky!" Melody said again.

Luck? Leehalt was never lucky. He always failed at his dreams. But then, how could he be in two chapters? Maybe there was some luck in him. "Melody, have they revealed the lottery numbers yet?"

"I don't think so, why?" Melody asked.

"…I'm feeling a little lucky…" Leehalt smiled. He hadn't smiled in ages, but now he smiled. And so, Leehalt got up out of bed and hung up the phone.

** *

Enya: Ahh, you did a chapter on Leehalt! He isn't such a bad guy!

Joe: You did this all because of that review, right?

Yup. When Jordan Ripslinger said that Leehalt never wins anything, it made me think. Poor Leehalt. He never wins anything, it's true. So I wrote this.

Enya: The only bad thing is that you brought the pacing down to a skidding halt. We were moving so fast too!

Joe: You also did this because you were running ahead of schedule to, right?

Hey! A little respect here! Your looking at a good chapter! So what if I did it only to remain on schedule. I still think Leehalt needed some luck.

Enya: Yay.

Joe: **sniff** O.K, now that I actually read it, I'm getting all choked up.

…Ok, it's not that sad. Next episode: Back on track with the agents in "_Golden Eye!"_


	21. Golden Eye

**XXI: Golden Eye**

**_Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…_**

_Leehalt out of a job!? Tis' true! Leehalt's been fired along with Asgard and the Spy for failing the Dance off! Could Leehalt quite possibly have the worst luck in all Filgaia? Damn the Luck! Crappy grocery store! Broken car! Asgard drives about as well as a drunk Penguin! Messy Apartment! Bad Milk! Football with the Spy! Suicidal thoughts! Phone calls in the middle of the night! Melody! Revived hope! And now, a spin off sitcom about Leehalt, Asgard, The Spy, and their hoboesque lives!_

* * *

  


It was dark. Yes, rather dark, because no one bothers to put lightbulbs in ventilation shafts. Marivel, Jack, Gallows, and Lilka were all cramped inside such a dark ventilation shaft, all irritated by something or another.

"Gallows! It's been 24 hours! I think it's safe to go out there now!" Marivel growled.

"I'm surprised that the laser hasn't been fired yet…" Jack sighed.

"Wait another moment…" Gallows looked up to the corner of the screen where a small transparent map of the hall before them was located. Two triangles with vision cones slided about in a set path atop this map. "According to the codec, there are still some guards out there."

"That's the wrong game Gallows!" Lilka yelled. Staying inside the small path for so long irritated her. "Let's just go."

"I'm with her on that! Go!" Jack then heaved with his shoulder, knocking Gallows out into the large, bright space age hall. Gallows landed with a thud as the vent panel landed with a clang. Gallows narrowed his eyes and reached for his PP7 as the other three fell out.

"Now what?" Lilka asked, picking herself up.

"We make like a banana and leaf." Gallows whispered. "There's all sorts of baddy security guards around here!"

"Right. We need some stealth…" Marivel put a hand to her chin.

"…Like a banana and leaf… hey!" Jack finally caught on to the sentiment. "It's make like a tree and split, you idiot."

"Which way do we go?" Lilka asked. The hall went in both directions. To the right it went on for a while, and to the left it ended and swung around a corner.

"Hmmm…" Gallows thought. "Just because I hate long hallways, we'll go with the corner!"

"Brilliant strategy Sherlock…" Marivel sighed.

And so Gallows walked to the corner and took a peek around the corner. Sure enough, there were two mysterious looking guards. Well, maybe they weren't guards, but they sure were mysterious.

"Gallows! What do you see?" Lilka pondered.

"Shhh!" Gallows hushed the girl. "I see two mysterious people."

"How mysterious?" Marivel asked.

"Real mysterious." Gallows replied. Gallows then spun his head back around the corner. The two had disappeared. "Mysterious!"

"Can we go now?" Jack asked, eager to make a run for it.

Gallows strained long and hard to make out any thing. After a bit, he made the all clear sign with his hand and stepped into the hall. Suddenly, the two mysterious guards walked out of a doorway and caught sight of the agent intruders. Little exclamation points appeared over there heads.

"Enemy sighted! Requesting Back Up!" The female of the guards said in a slow, whispered Russian dialect.

"Sorry, we can't send you any." The radio replied.

The green haired female guard in a long red jacket, spectacles, yellow pants, and a black vest screamed into the radio. "WHAT?! WHY?!"

"Because we need all our guards at the uniting ceremony! You know, how we're merging with the Ark of Destiny and K-Mart to form one giant evil corporation!" The radio replied.

"Damn it!" The green haired guard pulled out a Derringer and shot the radio dead.

"Don't worry Million Shot Hypes, A.K.A Heather Pesman! We can handle these suckers!" The other guard, a mustached man in a black poncho and a black cowboy hat and boots smiled.

"That's what we're going to have to do, Pecos Bill A.K.A Nicholi Shroedinger!" Heather replied. She then looked down the hall to see nothing. "Hey, where'd the intruders go?"

* * *

  


"Keep running!" Gallows was ahead of the pack, running down the hall as if he was in a race. The three were desperately trying to keep up.

"Why?! We could have taken them out! After all, there only original chars from DriftWings!" Marivel shouted.

"They have radios! Don't you know what that means!? That means they'll call back up and we'll have to wait another long period of time before the caution mode goes away!" Jack explained.

"Gees, someone's been playing a little too much MGS: Tactical Espionage Action!" Lilka sighed.

And on a one, two… Marivel and Lilka gave one collective sigh.

"Quickly! Let's duck into here!" Gallows shouted. Finally, he was acting as the leader! Oh, the thrill, the feeling, the glory!

"Gallows! That's a broom closet…" Marivel pointed out.

"Hahahaha! I knew that!" Gallows rubbed the back of his neck as he smiled nervously. He then side stepped to the next door and opened it. "Quickly! In here!"

"We can't Gallows! That's the men's restroom!" Lilka placed her hands over her mouth, as if mentioning the men's restroom was a terminal sin.

Gallows gave a tired look and stepped to the next one. "Does this door satisfy our needs?"

"Sure, if you're a fish." Jack shrugged.

"What the?" Gallows turned around to see a giant tropical fish aquarium with giant fish. "Ah, minnows pretending to be whales…"

"Oi, now he gets with the Bond routine…" Marivel frowned.

"Hey! There they are!" Pecos Bill shouted from down the hall. The agents all jumped in the air and ran down the hall, diving into an open door on the right.

It was a ballroom. A large ballroom filled with dancers dressed in beautiful dresses and suits. The music was played by a live classical orchestra sitting on the stage at the end, where Lamium was standing, talking to some of the other Ark of Destiny heads.

"Wrong room?" Gallows asked.

"Wait! I have an idea!" Marivel grinned a toothy grin. "Jack! You have any ball gowns and suits in that hat of yours?"

"I swear, you people only use me for my materials. I'm a person to you know!" Jack pouted.

"MAKE WITH THE GOODS ALREADY!" Marivel shouted, fangs bared, scaring the bajeesus out of Jack.

"Yes ma'am." Jack sniffed as he took off his hat and pulled out two distinguished ball gowns and tow impressive looking ballroom suits for the men. They were all blue in order to match the Ark's theme.

"Wow! I've always wanted a dress! Thank you Jack!" Lilka's eyes filled with stars as she held the dress before her and giggled.

"What's the point of these?" Gallows asked as he pulled the jacket on.

"Disguises, duh." Marivel rolled her eyes. "And you see that guy on stage?"

"Yea… that's Lamium, right?" Jack asked.

"Yup. ARMS wants him badly. If we can nab him, I'm bound to get a promotion!" Marivel smiled happily. The others didn't look too happy with her plan. "I mean, we. WE shall receive a promotion!"

"I don't care! As long as I get to wear my dress! I think I'll call her "Jennifer"!" Lilka hugged her dress.

"Women and dress. What's up with that?" Jack asked, as if attempting stand up comedy.

And so, the four quickly donned their dresses and suits and mingled into the crowd. However, every partner was taken up, and being alone was defiantly being a sore thumb. The orchestra began to play the Waltz, and the two mysterious guards had entered into the room.

"Shit!" Marivel jumped. She then ran to Gallows, who was rocking back and forth on his heels, looking bored. "Gallows! Dance with me!"

Gallows looked a bit surprised. "Why? You hate my guts!"

Marivel nodded her head over to the two mysterious guards, Million Shot Hypes and Pecos Bill, who were searching the crowd like a pair of mysterious hawks with guns. Gallows immediately got the picture. Reluctantly, he took Marivel's "pail" hand in one hand and put a hand around her waist with the other.

"Stop looking over there…" Gallows whispered. "Try to look inconspicuous, O.K?"

Marivel looked into Gallows green eyes. That almost sounded professional! She smiled at the thought. "Your not a bad dancer."

"Well, you're not either…" Gallows lied. Marivel stepped on his feet almost constantly. You'd think a super agent would have learned to dance to the Waltz.

"You know, it's always been my dream to be at a great ball like this…" Marivel said her thoughts aloud.

"On the moon in a room full of terrorists?" Gallows chuckled.

"Well, not that part. Just to dance to some beautiful music, nice and slow, with some handsome, strong man…" Marivel almost laughed.

"Sounds like every little girl's dream…" Gallows smiled.

"Probably is…"

"Didn't think you'd have that dream…"

"Why? Am I not a girl?"

"Well, I guess you're a woman and all… but you seem more of the butch type…"

"Butch?"

"Yea, the gung ho beat 'em tomboy girl…"

"That's just the outside. Inside, I'm like a normal girl. I had tea parties when I was a kid…"

"Do you like chic fliks?"

"…Possibly. I prefer a good old action flik myself."

"Same here."

"Say Gallows, why is it that you're a super agent?"

"I just want some recognition, that's all. Some glory and fame to call my own."

"Huh, kinda hard with 002 around."

"Yup. Say, didn't he say he was going to beat us here?"

"…Yea…"

"Then why haven't we seen him? If he's here, shouldn't he have cleared out all of the **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**agents by now?"

"Maybe 003 isn't as good as we all thought." Marivel chuckled.

"Say Marivel. There's Lamium right there. We could bust him right now." Gallows nodded his head in Lamium's direction. The two had waltzed close enough to nab him right quick and easy.

"…Just a little bit longer." Marivel smiled as she rested her head in Gallows chest.

Gallows immediately blushed. "Um?"

Marivel immediately realized what she was doing. She bit her lip and then looked to Gallows. She quickly put on a fake scowl. "Just acting inconspicuous."

"Oh. Uh, yea…" Gallows cleared his throat.

* * *

  


"I can't believe I got stuck with you…" Jack sighed as he waltzed with Lilka. "Of all the women here… I mean, of course they're evil, but who cares? They're gorgeous!"

"Oh I don't mind Jack, as long as I get to keep Jennifer!" Lilka giggled.

* * *

  


The music ended, and Lamium stepped onto the stage once more. He reached for the mic and promptly thanked whoever handed it to him. The dancers all stopped their dancing and looked to the Arc's leader, including Marivel, Jack, Gallows, and Lilka. Marivel inwardly cursed her timing. The two mysterious guards also stopped their search to listen.

"Welcome, Welcome!" Lamium smiled. "You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way here. I was standing in line for the plane ticket when all of a sudden, a dog runs past me, and I'm like "woah"! Eh? Eh?" Lamium looked around, smiling. A cough and a few dry laughs were heard through out the ballroom. Lamium stretched his collar. "Tough crowd tonight. Well anyways, I'd like to thank you for coming to tonight's unification celebration. Tonight, the Ark of Destiny merges with **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**! Yes, I know what you're all thinking. We're not technically bad guys, but we've played the roles of villains in so many fan fics that we're pretty much automatic villainy!" Lamium smiled. "So anyway, I look forward to a new year as so-rulers of Filgaia! Cheers!" Lamium lifted a wine glass.

Several gasps were heard as a man leaped from the audience and onto the stage, pointing a giant bayonet at Lamium's head. The head exec's stepped back as all of the Ark pulled out AK's from who knows where and aimed at the blue haired man. The Agents looked confused and startled and the mysterious guards were also surprised.

"001! I thought he was with us!" Million Shot Hypes announced.

"Everyone put your guns down, or Lamium here gets it." 001 stated.

"Ashley Winchester… Agent 001, rumored to have gone A-wall years back…" Marivel uttered.

"Hey, 002 said that 001 was a bad guy!" Lilka was confused.

The Ark did nothing. Lamium waved his hands. "Listen to THE man with THE gun up against MY HEAD, froidlaven!" Reluctantly, the Arc all lowered their weapons.

"Very good." Ashley smirked. "Now Lamium, your under arrest!"

"Wait!" Another voice sounded. Every one looked to the right as Agent Jet Enduro hopped onto the stage, Airget-Lamh in hand. "It's a trick. He's really a **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**agent come to kick out Lamium so Number 1 can have all of your troops!" Jet stated.

"Liar! I am agent 001 Ashley Winchester of ARMS! Ashley yelled. "I believe you're the **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**agent!"

Several more gasps emanated from the crowd. Marivel looked to Gallows, who nodded in agreement. The two threw off their elegant clothing and reverted back to their normal attire, brandishing guns and leaped atop the stage, with Jack and Lilka who pointed their guns at Lamium, Ashley, and Jet.

"Don't move! In the name of ARMS, you're all under arrest!" Marivel stated. Boy, that sounded cool.

"You've got it all wrong!" Jet stated. "I'm ARMS, remember! He's the rogue agent!"

"I've been under cover the whole time! The real traitor is 002!" Ashley gritted his teeth.

"I don't care who's traitor or not! Let me go!" Lamium screeched.

"003, what do we do?" Lilka looked over to Gallows.

Gallows smiled. "I know, we'll have a contest! Anyone who doesn't know the answer isn't ARMS at all! Ready?"

Jet and Ashley looked to each with extreme rage and then to Gallows. "All right."

"Ahem. When is my birthday!?" Gallows grinned.

"What?!" Both agents under inspection asked.

"Gallows, we're ARMS and even we don't know that…" Jack sighed.

"O.K, maybe that one was a little too tough. …What does ARMS stand for?" Gallows asked.

"Ooh1 I know! I know! Agile Remote Missions Squad!" Pecos Bill shouted from the crowd.

"O.K… maybe something a little harder…" Gallows thought. "What does **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**stand for!?"

"Ha! That's easy!" Jet smirked. "**P**eople **R**eady to **O**rganize **P**rotest and **M**ayhem with **E**vil **T**yranny!"

"Wrong!" Gallows smiled. "I'm sorry, please hang up and try again! 002, your under arrest!" Cool and suave. Jazzy music.

"That is what P.R.O.P.H.E.T stands for ya idgit!" Lamium shouted.

"Maybe to P.R.O.P.H.E.T members, but to ARMS, it means **P**eople **R**udely **O**pposing **P**eople's **H**eroes… we haven't figured out the rest!" Gallows explained.

"Wait, but what about when Jet came to our rescue in the diamond mines?" Jack asked.

"Just a cover!" Gallows smiled. "I bet you Melody's running free down on Filgaia!"

"And I would have got away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!" Jet spat. "And your Crimson Nobel too!"

"Alright, Lamium, Jet, you two are coming with me!" Ashley pulled out a teleport crystal. "Last one left…"

"Not so fast, ace!" Jet leaped away from the gunpoints and started firing the Airget-Lamh. Ashley grabbed Lamium and rolled over the side of the stage as the agents instantly began fire back. Ashley took a pair of handcuffs and chained Lamium to a steel bar holding the stage up. Despite Lamium's pleas, Ashley then rolled onto the stage and knocked Jet down into the orchestra pit. The musicians fled as now every Ark member grabbed their guns and began fire. But such a massive gunfight in such a tiny place would lead to a ton of friendly fire, and I mean lots of it. Gallows, Lilka, Marivel, and Jack were now too busy trying to protect themselves then to track down Ashley and Jet.

The Airget-Lamh went flying out of Jet's hands, falling into an open trash shaft then went to the incinerators. Jet gasped and tried to reach for it, but found himself at the end of the Bayonet.

"Going somewhere, 002?" Ashley smiled.

"I was about to ask you the same question." Jet grinned and kicked Ashley's feet out from under him, knocking the agent down. 002 then kicked the gun from Ashley's grip, letting it fall down the same tube to the incinerator. "Can you fight hand to hand?"

Ashley smiled. "There's a reason I'm called 001!" Ashley lunged foreword, punching out with a quick jab from the right. Jet easily avoided it and landed a blow on Ashley's stomach from below.

"You can't win! I've got the popular support! I am the famous bishounen Jet Enduro, the star of every fan girls eye!" Jet smiled.

"And the bane of all males everywhere!" Ashley punched Jet in the face, knocking the lavender-eyed agent back. Jet caught himself and put his hands up in a boxing pose, protecting his face. Ashley stepped forward, jabbing with his right and left in a repetitive motion, trying to get through Jet's blocks. But Jet was a lucky bastard (unlike Leehalt) and managed to avoid every attack. Jet then dropped down unexpectedly and attempted to kick out Ashley's legs again. Ashley leaped back before such an action could take place and quickly darted forward, punching Jet Square in the nose.

"Ow! God Damnit!" Jet grabbed his bleeding nose. "What did you for that for?!"

"We are fighting to the death, right?" Ashley questioned.

"Yea, but, God, that was my nose!" Jet gasped.

"Is there something special about your nose?" Ashley raised an eyebrow.

"Yea, it's bleeding, but then gain, so is yours." Jet stated.

"No it's not." Ashley rubbed his nose.

"It is now!" Jet landed a punch on Ashley's nose, breaking it with an unsatisfying crunch. Ashley stepped back and bared his teeth and kick Jet in the stomach. Enduro coughed up blood and staggered backwards. This fistfight went on for some time until both parties were heaving with loss of breath and stamina. The tube to the incinerator stood between the two as they stared each other down.

"You're… pretty good…" Jet said.

"Same to you…" Ashley huffed.

"But now it's going to end!" Jet challenged.

"C'mon!" Ashley taunted.

Jet ran forward and leaped the hole, foot outstretched, trying to land a fatal kick. Ashley smiled and blinked. A torrent of energy rushed from him and all of a sudden, he was that black, evil knight blazer. Jet looked surprised as Knight blazer cackled. Knight blazer easily caught Jet's foot and sent him flying down the tube to the incinerator.

"God damn transformations…" Jet grumbled as he fell.

Knight blazer laughed and charged again, this time becoming a golden form of him. The giant metal knight leaped out of the orchestra pit and began cleaving Arkists left and right, laughing with glee. The power of Lord Blazer at work!

"Uh, Marivel, look!" Lilka pointed out Ashley's new form.

"Well that can't be good." Jack pondered.

"Umm, he knows that this is on the moon right? If he blows it up, everyone in here is doomed." Gallows mentioned.

"Right. Then lets get the hell outa here." Marivel offered.

"Works for me." The other three replied. And stealthily, they snuck out of the ballroom and sealed the door. Lord blazer! What power! Too bad though, for an enormous explosion sounded within the room and jazzy music played…

* * *

  


Next time on "From Baskar With Love"…

Is Ashley really dead? Nope! Thanks to Lord Blazer's ultimate form, Ashley makes it back to Filgaia safely with Lamium and Jet (he's alive too!) in tow. C is interested in how Lord Blazer works, and Irvin gives Ashley a promotion! Next time on "From Baskar With Love", Ashley's new office job! Don't miss it!


	22. Tomorrow Never Dies

**XXII: Tomorrow Never Dies**

**And now for the long awaited Disclaimer…**

_To the tune of Edward Grieg's "Hall of the Mountain King" Bum bum Bum bum bum Bum bum, I do not own anything, at all, save a few, minor characters! Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dan! Bum bum bum bum bum bum BUM! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo! Mediavsion and Sony own Wild ARMS (1through 3 and TV)! __Dee__ dee de dee dee de! __Dee__ de dee dee dee dee dee dee! Bond is owned by MGM Studios! Dunna dunna dunna DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA Everything else is owned by their original owners! All fan fics used are (c) the original authors and used without permission! BAH BUM!_

_**clapping**_

**_** *_**

****

Gallows wiped his forehead as he stood with the others outside an incredibly tall set of doors, shaped like a trapezoid. Fog rolled across the floor for nothing more than dramatic effect, and columns of aquariums filled with drifting seaweed lined the path to this door (their only purpose being the same as the fogs).

"Man, was that last battle rushed, Imean intense!" Gallows leaned on a rectangular aquarium. "So, something tells me that this is the last door."

"Could it possibly be the bleak concrete setting?" Marivel asked.

"Yea, it almost seems like that one movie… God that was a dumb movie…" Jack sighed.

"I don't know what you guys are talking about, yet again…" Lilka sighed. She was tired of being left out of the conversation.

"Anyways, moving on, in the rules of RPGs, isn't there like a huge chain of bosses your supposed to fight before opening the final door, or is it after?" Gallows thought.

"I think it's after…" Jack placed a hand to his chin. He then walked over to the door and placed a hand on the great concrete half-trapezoid sliding door.

{You hear the sounds of something really bad on the other side. Are you sure you want to go in?"} A text box appeared over Jack's head.

"Yup, it's after." Marivel crossed her arms. "But since there are four of us, and each of us are individually defined (though horribly, might I add), we probably all have to face our rivals alone, and (as much as I hate to say it) Gallows will face who ever number One is…"

"Woohoo! Sweet!" Gallows pumped a fist into the air.

"But the only one with a rival is you, Marivel…" Lilka brought up.

"Rivals. What's with that?" Jack seemingly asked nobody in particular.

"Then, it's decided." Marivel spoke. "I shall fight my rival alone. You two will have to sit this one out. No one help me, it's now or never!"

Jack and Lilka looked to each other at Marivel's strange behavior. "I think Gallows is starting to rub off on her…" Jack whispered.

"O.K! So, shall we go see what is really bad beyond this door?" Gallows grinned, reloading his PP7.

"Yosh!" The three others replied, brandishing their lethal weapons.

Gallows selected yes on the text box…

** *

A blue armored hand gently petted a one eyed cat with a bandana in a bright room. We can't see whom this blue armored hand belongs to, for all we see is the one hand petting the very happy looking Shady. It's a high tech looking room, and only two instrumentalists are operating the technology to a large monitor. These two are a red headed girl and a purple headed girl, both wearing the same uniform and cap.

"Hey Kate!" The purple haired one asked the red haired girl.

"Yea Amy?"

"Shigity shigity shwag! Guess what?"

"What?"

"I got new SNES system!"

"You did not!"

"Did too! Bought it at Travis's for two dollars eh?"

"Oh yea, then show it to me!"

Amy pulls out a super Nintendo and puts it on the console.

Kate blushes in surprise. "Wow…"

"Yea, how do you like that, idiot!"

"God Damn…"

"Hey guess what?"

"What?"

"It has new game!"

"What is it?"

"I want to play! It's called Mario Twins! They look the same!" Amy pulls out a Super Mario World cartridge.

"Good God, they look so the same! I would say to them, 'you want Ice Cream cone' and both of them say 'yes!'"

"How in the hell?"

"They're twins!"

"They're twins!"

"Ahem." The blue armored hand interrupted the babbling instrumentalists. "How should I address the world leaders in my letter?" The armored hand asked in a deep, cold, and evil voice (that was also asking for advise.) "I could start with 'Dear World Leaders,' or 'To Whom it may concern, being World Leaders', or maybe something a bit more malevolent like, 'hey world leaders!'"

Kate looked to Number One and smiled. "Hey! You already have them in one room as you requested before! Why not just turn the television on and talk to them?"

There was silence for a few minutes and Shadey wasn't being petted. The cat looked annoyed. "Silence instrument operator! I was already thinking that! Now, how do I turn this thing on?"

"That's our one and only job sir…" Amy replied.

"Right, I knew that. Then turn on the television! I don't pay you for nothing, you know!" Number One shouted.

"Understood." Amy and Kate responded in unison and pressed a big red button, turning on the giant monitor, which showed all of the World Leaders in one room staring at a monitor. There was the King of Meria Boule, the Queen of Sylvaland, the Guild Master and Noel of Guild Galad, and a Hobo eating a ham sandwich representing Slayheim. Number One commenced to pet Shadey again, and that was all that the world leaders could see.

"What do you want, you monster!" The king of Meria Boule shouted.

"You do realize that since we, **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**, have the Arc Smasher super laser, we can destroy any nation that we want?" Number One questioned in a cold, calculating voice.

"Yes, we realize this, and are willing to pay any ransom that you ask for!" The queen of Sylvaland pleaded.

"What are ye all, daff? He's just a wimpy blue hand petting a pussy cat! Wots ee going ta doo? Send anotha Gruasswein on us?" The Guild Master taunted the other world leaders.

"I believe that was all your fault, Dad…" Noel sighed.

"This sandwich sure is good." The Hobo remarked.

"Do you need me to prove how powerful I am?" Number One asked.

"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!" The world leaders all shouted.

"Good. Well then, my demands…" Number One began. "I want one hundred thousand Gella deposited into my Swiss savings account.

"Uh, sir, shouldn't we ask for more? This base cost well over a million…" Amy asked.

"Silence woman!" Number One roared. "Scratch that last one. How many 0's can you fit in a savings account?"

The World Leaders looked to each other, and then back to Number One's blue hand. "Uh… a lot, we're sure…"

"Good. I want as many 0's as possible. Now for my second demand…"

"Ach! You homeless bugga, give me some of ya sandwich, laddy!" The Guild master was trying to pry the ham sandwich from the Hobo's grip.

"Get off a me sandwich you damn blasted Capitalist!" the Hobo shouted before biting the Guild masters hand.

"Uh, Dad, I think your going to need to get a shot now for hobo bites…" Noel advised.

** *

The agents opened the door, which lead in four different directions. Marivel crossed her arms and smirked. "Look who's right yet again…"

"Yea yea…" Jack rolled his eyes. "But which way do _we_ go?"

"Look!" Lilka pointed to the paths. "There all different colors! We'll just follow the ones that match us.

"I dunno, which one is my color?" Gallows looked at it.

"You are definitely a yellow, 003!" Lilka smiled. "And Jack, you're a brown."

"Man, I was hoping for more of a light magenta myself…" Jack sighed.

"I'm blue, no doubt about that…" Marivel stated.

"Right, and I'm red!" Lilka put her hands on her hips.

"All right gang! Let's split up!" Gallows put his fist in the air.

"Wait! Before we go, we have to have an encouraging speech!" Jack shouted. "'Tis the rules!"

"Yea Gallows! Give us a rousing speech!" Lilka clasped her hands together.

"Uh… I really don't know any…" Gallows scratched his head.

"Can't you improvise?" Marivel asked.

"Hmmm… O.K, I got one. Listen up. Ahem. Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. 

Now we are engaged in a great civil war. . .testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated. . . can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. 

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. 

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate. . .we cannot consecrate. . . we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. 

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished."

The other agents blinked in confusion. Marivel shook her head. "I'm mad you have that memorized, Gallows…"

"All right! Let's go!" Jack placed a fist in hand.

"Right." The three others nodded and ran down their paths…

** *

Jack ran down the hall, before coming into contact with a jungle of seaweed and fog. He stopped and looked around. An arena, most likely, what other reason was there for a large open space in a final dungeon? Jack lifted his hat and pulled out a handgun. Creepy music. That could only mean…

"Yo!" A tall man in a manila hat and trench coat said from the rafters above. Jack spun around and looked up to see him.

"And you are?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"The name is Ian, and I am your supposed rival, even though we've never met before." Ian smirked. "Life's funny like that, ain't it?"

"Har har har. Look, are we gonna continue chatting all day, or are we gonna fight?" Jack taunted.

Ian leaped down to the fog-covered ground, drawing his twin handguns Love and War. "Let's fight!"

Jack immediately fired and rolled to the left behind an aquarium of seaweed. Yea, that was cool. Too bad he didn't see if it hit. But if it did, he wasn't really a rival then, was he? Hmm, he must still be alive. These thoughts were answered as the aquarium shattered into pieces over him. Jack got up and fired another bullet at Ian, who fired back and ran along side. The two rolled behind some more seaweed aquariums and fired. Glass shattered and water spilled, leaving shot seaweed to fall to the ground.

"You're good." Jack admitted.

"If I wasn't, you'd think I be at the final round?" Ian replied.

"Hey, you never know!" Jack responded as he took another shot. Ian ducked as his hat was shot off.

"My hat!" Ian shouted. He then rolled across the fog floor and fired a few bullets at Jack. Jack's hat went flying off. Jack instantly started for it.

"Now we are equal!" Ian laughed as he continued to fire. Jack found he wouldn't make it to the hat. Damn it! He rolled behind an O2 case. Wait, what? Jack looked at the symbols on the giant case.

"EXPLOSIVE?!" Jack yelled. This was not good.

"You ready to die yet Jack?" Ian smirked.

"Nope, not today." Jack pulled off his coat and propped it on top of the O2 case. Damn it was cold without it. "Let's see you shoot me when I'm behind this big old case of explosive oxygen!" Jack lied as he ran under cover to a shelter not far.

"What?! Explosives! Must… cause… explosives… merely for… thrill factor!" Ian pulled the trigger down on both Love and War, sending streamlined bullets plunging through the thin metal casing surrounding the pure O2 content. Ian smiled as the fire burst out from the case in a very loud, deafening BOOM!

Let me repeat it for emphasis. Ready? You might want to cover your ears. One… Two… Three…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Damn, that was loud. Every aquarium within the vicinity instantly shattered. Jacks cover was no more, and it could possibly come down to Jack being no more as well. His Jacket was incinerated within moments. The fiery burst raged outwards and upwards, igniting the fog in a blazing roar. The rafters all fell down, creating strange and bizarre angles. One the explosion had finished, Jack rolled along the ground, trying to extinguish his self.

"HOT! HOT! HOT!" Jack yelped before removing himself of unwanted flames. "Well, if that take up at least 1000 Gella of pyrotechnic funds, I don't know what will. It's a good thing my rival fell for the trick."

"Yea, it's a good thing, isn't it?" Ian asked, drawing War to the back of Jack's head. "I love a good explosion, don't you?"

Jack smiled. "Good one, holmes. But before you do me in, could you hand me my hat?"

"I suppose. I know how much a hat can mean to a man." Ian kicked the black hat up and tossed it to Jack.

"Zank You." Jack decided to say in Engrish for apparently no reason. "Now let's see exactly how much you love explosions." As Jack placed the hat upon his head, a lit stick of dynamite slipped down his face and into his grip, where he promptly tossed it at Ians feet. "BANG."

"Ah Shit…" Ian mumbled before another explosion rang through out the brown pathways…

** *

            Lilka skipped down the red path, ever so carelessly. She was humming a little ditty before coming into a neon lit 1940's retro dance stage. At first a bit confusing, the stage then managed to delight the bajeesus out of Lilka. She dropped her Japanese school briefcase and gasped in awe as jazzy music came on.

            "Wow! This is great! I wonder who my rival's going to be!?" Lilka giggled.

            Out of the corner came a rather large man in a 40's suit and a small white cowboy hat and a beard and side burns. The very much forgotten king of crime, Cormano. "That would happen to be me."

            "He must be a real good dancer! Or a good musician!" Lilka didn't notice him.

            Cormano sighed. He was tired of being treated like this. Besides the current fic, the only other fic he was even mentioned in was "DriftWings". He looked to the piano man and nodded. "Start up the tune, maestro! This is my only number!"

            The piano man nodded in reply and a jazz band walked out from seemingly nowhere (whom were made up of the Little Twister crime council.) Cormano walked behind Lilka and tapped her shoulder. She looked but he had walked to the otherside, and he continued to play games with her. 

"~If someone stood up in a crowd

And raised his voice way out loud

And waved his arm and shook his leg

You'd notice him

If someone in the movie show

Yelled "fire in the second row,

This whole place is a powder keg!"

You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen

Everyone gets noticed now and then

Unless of course that personage should be

Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there!

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there…

Suppose you was a little cat

Residin in a persons flat

Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?

You'd notice him

Suppose you was a woman wed

And sleepin in a double bed

Beside one man for seven years?

You'd notice him

A human beings made of more than air

With all that bulk, you're bound to see

Him there

Unless of coarse that human being next to you

Is unimpressive, undistinguished

You know who…

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there!

Cellophane

Mister cellophane

Should have been my name

Mister cellophane

Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there!~"

            With that, the jazz bound bowed and walked out and the piano man left with them. Cormano leaned against a light pole and tipped his cowboy hat as Lilka finally caught him in her sights.

            "Wow! When did you get here?" Lilka tilted her head in confusion.

            Cormano did nothing but sigh. He shrugged and stepped off the pole, letting his shiny dance shoes touch the floor. "You must be Lilka, my rival."

            "Hai! That's right! And you are?" Lilka questioned.

            "The name's Cormano, the mean guy in the streets in Wild ARMS Advanced the 3rd and the comic relief in "DriftWings"…" Cormano replied.

            "Oh. Never heard of you…" Lilka smiled. Cormano fell down to the floor.

            The unheard criminal picked himself up rather fast. "Look you little girl! I'm your rival and that's all there is to it! Now, you ready to dance or what?"

            "Dance, as in gunfight, right?" Lilka asked. Hey, with this backdrop, you'd never know…

            "I'd say as in an actual dance off, but there was one already. So lets go for it!" Cormano reached into his suit and pulled out the Domar 55H, a hand gun with an incredibly long barrel.

            Lilka leaped back, her entire face growing white. "Ack! That gun is huge!"

            "You know what they say, the bigger the better!" Cormano replied. "Hopefully after I kill you, I'll be noticed and made into a star in the fan fiction community!"

            Lilka sweat dropped and waved her hand in an attempt to sway his notions. "Um, Mr…"

            "Grrr! That's CORMANO!" Cormano shouted.

            "Eeep! Mr. Cormano sir! That's not how you become a star!" Lilka squealed.

            "How would you know, when was the last time you saw a Lilka fic?!" Cormano tapped the barrel against the side of his head.

            "In the day I had a few!" Lilka smiled. "But I can show you how they do it now!"

            "R-really?! You'd do that for me!?" Cormano's eyes were on the verge of spilling over.

            "Of coarse! First, you have to be a PC!" The room grew dark as this was mentioned. "Um, but you can get around that! What you need to have is a lonely and yet undertone sad background!"

            "Sappy background huh?" Cormano thought this over. "Like that one chic with the kid and the evil aunt?"

            "Heh. Yea, now that you mention it so bluntly…" Lilka half smiled.

            "Hmmm. Sappy story sappy story." Suddenly a light bulb appeared over the gangsters head. "O.K, how about this!? My dog was shot, my fiancée was killed by bandits, my daughter is sick and there's no docter, and my taxes are high! Oh, and my saxophone broke, my truck has a bad tire, and my mother was killed during my birth!"

            "I think… that's a little too sappy… but it would be a good country song…" Lilka shrugged.

            "Maybe sappy's not going to work…" Cormano sighed.

            "HEY I KNOW!" Lilka suddenly had an idea. "Cute often works! Do this, like me!" Lilka then curtsied, giggled, and made puppy dog eyes.

            "KAWAII!" Cormano suddenly felt himself urging to speak in Japanese. "Hmmm, let's see…" Cormano then attempted to be cute, butr just came out looking really freaky.

            "O.K… Let's try a mascot suit!" Lilka then set herself in a blue penguin plushie suit, with only her face showing. She waddled over to Cormano and giggled.

            "Holy Azumanga-Daioh! That's just way too cute! I could never do that!" Cormano took a step backwards.

            "Hmmm, you may need to be a super villain. Those types seem to work…" Lilka thought. She then looked to Cormano. "But your not that type… The only thing left is Comic Relief."

            "Comic Relief huh? Well, I guess it is my calling! Thanks Lilka! I'm off to be a star!" Cormano shook her hand and then walked down the hall, humming the "Razzle Dazzle" to himself.

            Lilka sighed and shrugged. "Some people were never meant to be in the show business…"

** *

            Marivel walked, ever so slowly, almost as if she were caught in slow motion. The path of blue was behind her and the fog rolled at her feet. Suddenly, the structure around her began to fluctuate, as if it were made of water. Yet she continued to walk, as if she wasn't concerned. Being around for over 1000 years can do that. The hallway changed completely, and she couldn't tell if she had been teleported or if it was the arena that had changed. She was suddenly on a great field of yellow, dusty grass that stretched forever in all directions, only ending in a snowy mountain chain to the west. The sky was an early afternoon blue, and the chirping of the cicadas was well heard. War drums could be heard in the distance. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought herself in a battlefield. Her eyes narrowed and her walking came to a halt.

            "Tim! Come out and face me!" Marivel shouted.

            From out of the sky, an enormous fire ball fell, rocketing towards the dry earth at top speeds. Marivel leaped away, using her cloak as a set of wings to fly a distance off. The fireball turned out to be a meteorite, which plowed through the field, spraying grass and dirt in a shower behind it. Finally, the meteorite stopped and two eyes opened and a pair of legs lifted it up.

            "Rigdobrite…" Marivel felt her hands reaching for her uzis. She realized that they wouldn't do much against a shield of rock.

            "Well, at least you know your Guardians…" Tim appeared, standing before the hulking rock. "Even if they're nothing but lame plot devices."

            "For someone who's specialty is Guardians, you're a hypocrite." Marivel smirked.

            "And your not even worthy to be my rival. Normally, rivals share something in common. You and I are about as far as it comes to be being similar." Tim crossed his hands. "This should be easy. Cosmic Ray!"

            The skies darkened and cackled. The hulking asteroid glowed as stars fell from the sky, plummeting into the dry field.

            "Booster!" Marivel chanted. Her strengths expanded ten fold and she was easily able to avoid the stars, due to her super speed. Rigdobrite roared and stepped forward, but Tim smiled and stopped the beast.

            "Let her be Rigdobrite. We'll do her in. Guardian! Return!" Tim commanded. Rigdobrite suddenly appeared as green energy and returned to Filgaia as glowing rain.

            "Giving up so easy?" Marivel asked, panting.

            Time did nothing but shake his head. The earth shattrered behind him, and Grudiev (Godzilla remix.) clawed his way to the surface, steam billowing from his reptilian openings.

            "Lets shake things up a bit. Gravitron!" Tim summoned out the earth. Grudiev roared as the plains uprooted themselves and floated in the sky as massive islands of earth and soil. Marivel could tell this was going to hurt. "Ah, the powers of the universe at my hands. It's something that there hasn't been an evil summoner until now."

            "He who plays God always falls, Tim." Marivel foreshadowed.

            "Nay, he who controls the powers of God IS God!" Tim laughed. "If I wanted to, I could crush all of Filgaia, **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** and ARMS as I am about to do to you with my islands in the sky."

            "Then why don't you?" Marivel asked.

            "Because this mission is naught but folly." Big words for a shrimp like Tim. "No single agency can control an entire world. Even if P.R.O.P.H.E.T does manage to take over Filgaia, it will quickly dissolve. The world is much too vast and the cultures too different."

            "Then why fight at all?" Marivel asked.

            "Because I hope to see Filgaia go out in a blaze of destruction!" Tim laughed as he let down his hand. The islands in the sky were falling!

            "Geyser!" The Crimson Nobel shouted. From the earth before her, a fountain of unattainable energy in the form of water exploded, knocking the falling island off course. The chunks of land plowed through the remains of the field, sending dust into the blue sky.

            "Damn, I can see you're good at magic!" Tim admitted. "But you cannot out last my greatest summon of all!"

            Magic was taking its toll on Marivel. She narrowed her eyes and looked at the boy. "Bring it on."

            Grudiev returned to Filgaia in the form of a glowing rain as a bright red portal opened, revealing the darkness of the world after. The sounds of a turning clock were heard, and the moaning of a thousand anguished souls flowed from this portal as a river of the dead. The sky rained blood and lightning cackled across the sky in an insidious manner. A white cloaked figure with a scythe faded into existence, dwarfing all in its sights.

            "Ge Ramtos…" Marivel whispered.

            "Arcane X!" Tim demanded. Ge Ramots replied in a manner, allowing the clock to continue ticking as three spheres of dark energy encircled Marivel. She gulped. Was this the end?

            Ge Ramtos continuous stare turned from her. The spheres faded as Marivel chuckled cruely and darkly. Her heritage dealt with Ge Ramtos several times. The path of the Crimson Nobel was one without the clock.

            "What is this?!" Tim shouted, surprised. The portal to the underworld was sealing itself up as the blood returned to the sky. The sounds of the clock faded, along with Ge Ramtos. MArivel's time was not now.

            "Feel thine wrath, conjuror! APORT!"  And from the heavens light, a black frying pan soared, falling into Marivel's willing hand. Marivel took one good swing, letting the holy cooking device smack Tim square in the head.

            "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tim screamed as he flashed several times and then began to fade away as final bosses do. The world flashed several times, and soon, Tim was nothing more than polygons blowing in the wind. The artificial field flickered out of existence, and a dark and weary Marivel found herself in the blue hall once more, standing before two tiny white spheres called Chu chus. She ignored them and walked past them, down the hall.

            "Well, I guess the frying pan can be used against all kinds of evil." Chuih shrugged.

            "All right, so our Chu Chu Star Online experiment is complete. Great observations dood!" ChuBei winked.

            "Right! And due to our shameless self-advertising… a game of POGS!" Chuih replied.

** *

            Everyone in Slayheim is dead

            And its nothing but salt and sand

            Only one Hobo remains to be said

            And he only wants his sandwich with ham!

** *


	23. The World is Not Enough

**XXIII: The World Is Not Enough**

            **_Florina/Mariel and Martina are sitting on an old wooden fence overlooking an endless sea of amber grain in the setting sun. Martina stretches as Florina smiles at the sun._**

_            Florina: Did you ever stop to think about the universe, Martina?_

_            **Martina: …no, why?**_

_            Florina: Did you ever think that out there, beyond the sky, is a big plastic wall? That our entire world is inside a plastic box, sitting out there somewhere with a whole lot of other plastic boxes, which have other worlds in them?_

_            **Martina: …no, I never thought about that. You have way too much free time, Florina.**_

****_Florina: Yea… Did you know that the word "dolphin" comes from the Greek word "Delphinos", which also means "Womb"?_

_            **Martina: It's all Greek to me. Two drumbeats and a cymbal clash**_

****_Florina: (same expression) Does that mean that dolphins are wombs, and carry around little babies all the time?_

_            **[Martina thinks and sees a Dolphin swimming through the waters with a little baby Florina in its mouth, delivering it to its parents.]**_

_            Florina: Or does that mean that wombs are dolphins, and have little dolphins inside them?…_

_            **[Martina imagines a pregnant lady having a dolphin as a baby]. Martina: …That's sick.**_

****_Florina: …Maybe they're both true?_

_            **Martina: Shut up Florina!**_

_And now, for something completely different… [Giant foot comes out of no where and squashes the scene.]_

_** *_

In that high tech room again, with Kate, Amy, and the Armored Hand, whose petting Shadey…

The Hobo and the Guild Master are still wrestling over the ham sandwich, much to the disappointment of a very embarrassed Noel. The King is trying to stop them, and the Queen of Sylvaland had already fainted. The Armored hand stroked Shadey in an irritated manner, as he was irritated. Shadey growled and gagged with each uncomfortable stroke.

"Ah, nothing like a good hobo fight, don't you think?" Kate smiled at Amy.

"Politics at work! I think this is how they determine constitutional amendments in Slayheim!" Amy replied.

"What, by betting on hobos?" Kate looked a little confused.

"…Or was it by gaining three- fifths of the districts approval?" Amy put a finger to her lip.

Kate sighed. "Sometimes I wonder about you."

"Amy! Kate! Can't you do something?!" The blue armored hand wined in a very deep and sinister voice (so it sounded cool and stuff.)

"RIGHT SIR!" The two instrumentalists saluted and turned to the monitor. Amy pulled out a French horn and Kate took out two large cymbals. The two immediately started to creating an incredibly loud ruckus. The politicians immediately ceased whatever actions they were committing, and covered their ears.

"Very good for a bunch of morons!" Number One complemented the two in his own odd way. "Now, are you paying attention, World Leaders?!"

"We'll do whatever you say, just don't destroy us with your big ray gun!" The King of Meria Boule pleaded.

"Whatcha talking boot lady? Dats not a ray gun, its moore of a laser!" The Guild Master corrected. He then turned to the hobo and growled. "Naw ye better give me yoor ham sammich afores oi gets angry…"

"Dad! Please, for once, pay attention to the political matter!" Noel pleaded.

"…I want a ham sandwich…" Kate whispered.

"Silence! MY second demand is ready! After much thought and revision, I shall instruct you on this demand!" Number One shouted, still petting Shadey. "My terms are simple. Surrender to the **P.R.O.P.H.E.T** Empire and make no attempts to resist, or your nations will cease to exist! So what do you say?"

"NO WAY!" Amy, Kate, Shadey, and Number Ones blue hand turned around to see Gallows standing at the doors, smiling. "**P.R.O.P.H.E.T** Empire, yea right."

"003!" Number One growled.

"Thank God! ARMS has finally delivered!" The King of Meria Boule praised.

Gallows eyed the blue hand petting the cat. Then he remembered he wasn't limited by a camera setting. He was really there, and could see in glorious 3-dimension! Gallows hopped back, a bit disturbed. "Zeikfried?!"

"Zeikfried? No, I'm pretty sure it's Siegfried…" Amy corrected.

"Huh? Isn't he Motherfried?" Kate shrugged.

Gallows, Number One, and Amy shook their head at the red head in disgust. "You've lost all your talking privileges…" Gallows sighed.

"Wait, so if it's not Motherfried or Siegfried, are you sure its not Dragna Seig?" Amy asked.

"SILENCE!" Number One stood from his chair, letting Shadey hop down and fly to a perch over the monitor. He was a tall man, really tall (somewhere around 8 feet!) and built at that. He wore blue armor all over his body and a red cape and a massive sword. His face was hidden under a blue helmet with an enormous horn protruding from the forehead. Behold Number One! "I am Number One, Siegfried! You're too late to stop me, 003!"

"Well we'll have to turn back the clock then, won't we!" Gallows replied as cool as he could muster.

"Go for it boss! Take him out with the Dark Spear!" Amy shouted as Kate nodded.

"Dark Spear? All I see is a sword!" Gallows was confused.

Siegfried smirked as he held up the massive sword. "This is the Dark Spear! A sword so powerful, it was able to cleave the moon a new valley!"

"Wait… so you called your sword a spear?" Gallows rubbed his temples.

Siegfried lost his smirk as the realization hit him. "Well, umm, it sounded pretty good at the time… I mean, dark sword is so unoriginal, if you know what I'm saying…"

"But dark spear?" Gallows asked one more time.

"Well what did you expect?! Soul Edge? Buster Sword? Ultima Weapon?! The Dark Spear will more than suffice for the likes of you, agent! The laser will go off if I give the command, so just sit down hot shot!" Siegfried commanded.

"Ah, but if you do that, then we won't pay your ransoms." The King of Meria Boule reported.

"Kate! Amy! Turn that thing off for now!" Siegfried shouted.

"Mmmpmmm!" Kate saluted and pressed the big round red button once more, turning the monitor off.

"Now then, what weapon will you choose, oh great fighter?!" Siegfried asked the agent.

Gallows smiled as he pulled out his trusty PP7. "This should work fine!"

"You think your gun will penetrate my armor?! Hahaha! Let us begin! When you are dead, I'll make sure to blow up ARMS HQ!" Siegfried drew the Dark Spear and slashed, cleaving his big chair in two. Gallows stepped back, but found the door locked. Sweat flew off his forehead as he leaped to the side as the door came crashing down due to Siegfried's enormous sword. Gallows fired the PP7, but found the bullets to do the exact same as Siegfried predicted they would. God Damnit! He rolled into the long yellow hallway that had led him to the office, firing off a bullet. The bullet fell to the ground as it hit Siegfried's enormous chest plate. The man in blue smirked as he stepped into the dark hallway after the retreating agent.

"No where to go, 003! I'll chase you to the ends of hell if I must!" Siegfried taunted as he swung his mighty sword, firing off a slash of energy that crashed into the cement wall right to the right of Gallows. Gallows covered his face when the dust fell and fired another bullet, but to no avail.

"That's a nice trick you can do with your sword, but can it do this?!" Gallows then leaped from the dust and fired several bullets at the cyan helmet. Siegfried stepped back, his grip tightening on the sword. Damn that hurt.

"You cause quite the headache for such a small ant!" Siegfried growled. "Lets see you take my Ultra Negative Rainbow!"

"Your what?" Gallows asked.

"My Ultra Negative Rainbow!" Siegfried shouted.

"I'm sorry, but that sounds like a power ranger move!" Gallows shook his head.

"I know. It's a trademarked phrase, and I licensed it to Saban a few years back. How did you think I got so much money?!"

"Um… stealing and stuff?"

"Wrong! Ultra Negative Rainbow! Go!" Siegfried swiped his sword, releasing several rays of colors flying towards Gallows, lighting the hall in a multi-color epic. The concrete ceiling collapsed as the walls gave out. The yellow painted cement floor became covered in dust and cement blocks. Siegfried laughed. "Thus is the end!"

Gallows crouched on the other side of the mound. He frowned, as his PP7 was in need of bullets. A big red "RELOAD" was flashing before him. Gallows sighed and stepped on the brake pad, causing him to turn his back against the cement wall and, well, reload. He took his foot off the brake pedal and stood up over the fallen cement pieces, aiming his gun.

"Aim for the face!" Someone from nowhere shouted. A circle appeared over Siegfrieds unarmored face, reading "WEAK SPOT". "READY! ACTION!" The same annoying voice shouted.

Gallows immediately set to running backwards down the long, dark hallway as Siegfried set to chasing him, swinging his mighty sword whenever possible. Gallows fired at the blade when it came too near, deflecting the Dark Spear to the side and saving Gallows a health point.

"You damned ape! I'll show you the real power of the demons!" Siegfried shouted menacingly, swinging the sword with new vigor. Fire caught to the energized blade, and trails of bad things followed the sword. Gallows fired several bullets at the oncoming sword, deflecting it one more time. Not many bullets left. Damn.

"Only one left! Got to make it count!" Gallows thought to himself. He aimed the PP7 at Siegfrieds oncoming face. This was the last chance. After this it was "Insert coin" and it just so happened that Gallows had no more tokens left, if that was a good euphemism at all. The hallways were collapsing with every one of Siegfried's steps. He was becoming more powerful with every passing moment. He was turning into something that not even Gallows would be able to handle. It was now or never.

"Time to lose pal!" Gallows gritted his teeth as he pulled the trigger, causing the hammer to hit the package, causing the explosion that propelled the bullet through the spiral tube, that then flew from the chamber and into Siegfrieds unarmed face. The giant demon fell to his knees, clutching his face with his armored hands.

The cement crushed under his knees, attributing to Siegfrieds massive bulk. A trail of red blood fell from the darkness over his eyes. Those eyes… were they ever really meant to be seen? Gallows stepped over, putting the PP7 in his jacket. "It looks like **P.R.O.P.H.E.T's** over now. You lost, we won, end of story."

"You fool. D-do you… think that I was the one in charge… of **P.R.O.P.H.E.T**?" Seigfried stammard.

"What?! B-but you are Number One! You were giving all those demands to the World's Leaders!" Gallows couldn't understand it.

"Th-that was my job… the real master of P.R.O.P.H.E.T is much more of a monster then I could be…" Siegfired spat up some blood before falling to the ground.

"Who?! Who the hell is in charge around here! Who do I need to kill before this place stops running?!" Gallows tried to lift Siegfrieds head, but found it to heavy.

"Number Zero…" Siegfried whispered before falling to the cement floor, dead.

"Gallows!" Gallows turned behind him to see Marivel, Lilka, and a charcoaled Jack run up. Marivel stopped first, analyzing the dead body of the demon. "Was this Number One?"

"Yea…" Gallows sighed.

"Well, is our job done?" Jack asked. "I'm ready to blow the place."

"Was it an epic battle to remember?!" Lilka wanted to know.

"There's still someone left… but who?" Gallows then turned to see a flight of stairs. Odd, they must have ran to a lobby of some kind during the fight.

"Number Zero is he who is left…" A feminine voice announced. The four looked up the stairs to see a young woman with short blonde hair and a blue jacket and green skirt escorting a younger man with blue hair, a red vest, a white shirt, and blue jeans. The four agents stepped back, angered, yet cautious at the same time.

"Who the hell are you guys?!" Marivel spat, brandishing her uzis.

The blue haired boy stopped and opened his mouth, but no sound came out. The woman stopped as well, and began to talk. "I am Number Zero, or you may know me as Rudy Roughknight." The boys lips stopped moving and the woman blinked. "And I am Cecillia. I am Rudy's most loyal friend and his mouthpiece."

Gallows began to inwardly giggle as the other three narrowed their eyes. Lilka stepped forward. "Mouthpiece huh? You mean Rudy has no voice?!"

Rudy shook his head in agreement and Cecillia began lip-syncing for him. "Exactly. I was born without a voice, and had to go through out all of the original Wild arms without one. For too long have I gone unheard! Now, my voice shall spread across the planet, and all will hear it!"

"Whoa Rudy! We could always hear you… O.K, maybe not, but it sure was fun interpreting what you were saying…" Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

"Silence fool! I will be heard with my own words, not the interpretation of some cretin!" Cecillia voiced for the inaudible Rudy.

"How will gaining a super laser and threatening to blow up Filgaia gain you a voice!?" Marivel questioned.

"Yea, that doesn't make sense!" Gallows tightened his fist.

"You will see in due time!" Cecillia smiled, mimicking Rudy's expressions to a creepy degree. "There is no stopping me! You may try if you like. But if you wish to hear the words that will cover Filgaia, come with me." Rudy then began to walk up the stairs, Cecillia bowing and walking behind him.

Marivel looked to Gallows. "Well, what do we do?"

"It sounds like a trap to me." Jack expressed his opinion.

"They're scary! I don't want to go!" Lilka shivered.

"I know what you mean Lilka. That ventriloquist act sure is creepy. But if we want to stop the laser, we have to go now!" Gallows nodded. "Hopefully these are the last guys! All right team! Let's go together!"

"Together!" The three others replied, and together, the four ran up the blue glowing steps and into the observatory.

It was an incredibly large glass dome; with the Super laser Ark Smasher standing in the middle, pointing at Filgaia. Cords, machinery, televisions, plasma screens, and chalkboards littered the flat concrete circular floor. The scientists had long evacuated by Rudy's order, and the two evildoers stood before a console, awaiting the agents move.

"There it is! The Ark Smasher!" Lilka pointed out.

"Rudy! Stop this madness! Talking to you probably won't do any good, but it's dramatic!" Gallows shouted.

Cecillia started typing in commands as dramatic music started to play. The kinds with choirs and powerful instruments and the lyrics are all in Latin. 

"If you won't listen, we'll just have to kill you! For Queen and Country!" Marivel shouted.

"No, the world!" Gallows shouted louder.

"Kill me if you want, but my voice will be heard." Cecillia said for Rudy. Rudy stared at Filgaia, with his hands behind his back. "It will all be happening so soon." With that, Cecillia pressed in a final input of keywords. The laser began to move, a lining itself for a specific target on the brown planet above them. 

"Cannon countdown initiated. 10…" A computer voice announced a countdown.

"What do we do?!" Lilka squealed.

"Gallows! Shoot them!" Marivel shouted.

"Wait! There's got to be another way!" Jack yelled.

"Make up your minds people!" Gallows spat.

"…7…"

"What happened to 8?" Gallows bit his lip.

"After all these years… My voice…" Cecillia spoke for Rudy with awe in her voice. "Cecillia, I want you to know, if anything happens to us, that I trust you a lot." Cecillia turned away from Rudy and blushed. "Oh, Rudy, you know that I'd do anything for you… but I wish, we could be more than just trusted co-villains…" She then started mouthing for Rudy again. "Really? I never knew you felt that way…"

"Enough with the soap opera antics!" Jack shouted. "Turn the damn thing off!"

"…4…"

"Where's the time going to?!" Gallows pulled at his hair.

"Gallows! Just shoot him! Everyone knows that once you kill the main bad guy, everything stops!" Marivel argued.

Cecillia turned towards the group, smiling an evil smile. "If you shoot us down now, it won't matter. My voice will spread across the world in a form you'll never imagine! So go ahead, end our lives! We'll have each other in the after world, and you will be left with my voice!"

"Boy, your voice must be really bad…" Lilka thought.

"…2…"

"GALLOWS!" Marivel shouted.

Gallows pulled the trigger, sending  a bullet flying into Cecillia. The girl slumped to the floor, clutching Rudy's vest.

"Rudy… I love you…"

Gallows eyes welled up with tears. As he really that much of a monster? "I can't do it!" Gallows sniffed.

"Gallows! If you want to be able to be called a top agent and a respectable one at that! You have to save the world! Kill Zero!" Marivel screamed.

Gallows blinked, a new determination in his eyes. His dream, at long last, would be fulfilled. The entire reason why he took up these crazy missions. He tightened his grip on the gun, letting his trigger finger get in position.

Rudy stood there, laughing inaudibly as Gallows pulled the trigger. A bullet struck Rudy dead on, killing him instantly.

"…0! Cannon fire initiated!" The voice called. The four looked to the cannon. The super laser drew in a massive amount of energy, drawing in every single proton in the vicinity. With a sound as loud as krakatoa, the laser fried off towards Filgaia.

"We're too late?" Lilka blinked back tears.

"That's not how it's supposed to happen! Its all supposed to stop when you kill the final boss!" Marivel reasoned.

"Quickly! Where's the laser aimed at!" Jack shouted.

Jumping out of their stupor, the two other adults ran to the nearest monitor. Gallows looked to the other two. "We have to get there immediately!"

"Right." Marivel and Jack nodded.

"Teleportation machines are down stairs…" Lilka sniffed her nose, trying not to burst out in tears.

** *

Outside Jolly Roger, 5:35 P.M…

Jolly Roger was an enormous city, sprawling with skyscrapers, highways, and miles and miles of coastline. It was the biggest seaport in the world, and ships of all kinds were anchored in her harbor. Little children ran around the sidewalks with their parents as people did their business. And lots of people. However, outside the city, in the desert flatlands, the sky became dark. An enormous laser dived to the Earth with unbelievable speed, blasting through the miles and miles of rock that created Filgaia. A massive earthquake undertook Jolly Roger, knocking trees and weak buildings over. However, the terror was short lived, and the damage easily repairable. The confused citizens looked out from their taxis, office windows, backyards, and shipyards to find out what the hell happened. But looking up was not the answer. Not at all…

Underneath the city, the sewers flowed as they did, smoothly and manageable. However, shortly after the earthquake, The water began to rise and accelerate, becoming choppy and filled with eaves. A sort of liquid blue filled the sewers, flowing faster and harder.

Suddenly the sewer tops flew off form their manholes, dozens of feet into the air as columns of the liquid blue shot off. The streets cracked and people ran for their lives as fire hydrants exploded. Cars collided with each other, all trying to get out of the way of the collapsing streets. Water faucets exploded all over, showers became missiles, and bathtubs became mortar for the high pressure blue. Small buildings began to collapse as jets of the liquid blue shot from every pipe imaginable, crushing the foundation and sending the buildings to their doom. Glass flew from the skyscrapers, as they became giant waterfalls of the liquid blue. The city was in chaos and turmoil. And then, the final wave hit. An enormous wall of the mysterious blue higher than any building came roaring across the desert landscape from the lasers point of impact, demolishing everything in its path. It hit Jolly Roger in full force. In a blink, Jolly Roger had become a ruin underneath a rocky sea of mysterious blue liquid. And from a sky scraper standing above the liquid formed a column of energy, solidifying into what seemed like a giant dark spiked plant with several tentacle like roots rising out around it. The Nega Filgaia raised itself from Glaive le Gable and released a deep bellow as the skies darkened and rain began to drizzle across the remaining building tops…


	24. Die Another Day

**XXIV: Die Another Day**

Three humans and one Crimson Nobel suddenly appeared on the crooked edge of a submerged building in the drizzling haze. The corner stood out above the liquid blue Glaive Le Gable, and stood witness to a monster towering above all, Nega Filgaia. The creature resembled a giant, dark thorny plant with four long tentacle like roots waving themselves in the air like a squids tendrils in the sea, awaiting prey. The many pupil-less eyes looked about at the remains of Jolly Roger as the beast let loose an enormous cry.

Gallows took a step forward, standing atop the very apex of the building, and turned his hands into a fist. "Rudy's voice!"

"That's Rudy's voice?!" Jack was surprised. "I always thought it would be a bit small and timid… or something… ya know?"

"It's so huge! We can't fight against that!" Lilka grabbed onto Gallows tails and cringed.

"If we don't, it will spread across Filgaia and destroy everything in its path! And if that happens, we won't get a paycheck." Marivel looked to the others.

"What's the plan fella's, cus I can't think of one God Damn thing…" Jack asked anybody.

Suddenly, a ringing was heard. It startled everybody, and they all looked around. This ring was coming from the group and was becoming more and more annoying. Gallows looked as if he had been struck by lightning and reached into his coat pocket and took out a cell phone. "003!"

The other agents looked stunned. He had a cell phone the whole time?! Marivel stepped forward and grabbed the phone from gallows as Jack and Lilka set to berating him up. "Agent Crimson Nobel here!"

Irvin's voice came loud and clear. "Crimson Nobel! Hey what's up girlfriend?"

"Oh nothing much, except for the huge reincarnation of malevolence and animosity standing before us." Marivel sounded ticked. (off that is.)

"Ah yes, the Nega Filgaia. Listen, two Hornets have taken off from Boot Hill Air force Base. They should be arriving any second now." Irvin replied.

"Hornet?! We need jets! Not insects!" Lilka shouted. Obviously, the fighting had subsided so they could listen in.

Marivel gave a tired look to Lilka. "They are Jets, Lilka, now continue your pummeling, please."

Almost on cue, the screams of after burners shot across the bleak gray skies. Marivel, Gallows, Lilka, and Jack looked up to see two F-14 Hornet Fighter Jets blaze across the sky towards the abominable aberration.

"This is Alpha One! We have visual contact! I repeat, visual contact!" The fighter pilot of one of the Hornets spoke into his helmet.

"That's a 10-4! Fire at will." Came the response from Boot Hill.

Both Hornets broke off from their directions, heading away from the Nega Filgaia as they fired their missiles. The bombastic bombs' jets came to life, spurting fire that propelled them through the gray rain and into the hulking physical form of Filgaia. All eight missiles made direct contact, exploding with a fiery malice.

"Direct contact with target!" Alpha 1 reported.

"Is target destroyed?" Boot Hill asked through the helmet.

This was answered shortly, as Vanda, one of the tentacles, shot from the smoke and completely destroyed the Hornet in one blow.

"Madam President, Alpha 1 is down." The Operator at Boot Hill turned to Maya, who was sitting in a chair, one leg over the other, biting her lip.

"How's Alpha 2?" Maya asked, irritated by the loss.

"Alpha 2, report." Boot Hill personnel asked through their headsets.

There was no need to report, however, as whatever was left of the second Hornet collided with the building that the four agents were standing upon. Nega Filgaia let out a bellow as it began to sink, presumably moving.

Irvin suddenly came in through the cell again. "Marivel! Send out Asgard01!"

Marivel nodded and narrowed her eyes. "Right!" She then looked at her watch and pressed a button. "ASGARD! IT'S SHOW TIME!"

A building collapsed as the giant robot rose from the depths of the blue liquid, brandishing its might and power. Marivel nodded and looked to the others, who gave a thumbs up. She began shouting commands into the watch, and Asgard01 followed, hovering above the liquid sea like a giant beetle, the blue engines roared as the robot flew towards the Nega Filgaia. Krukmar, Oricoflagamus, Matricaria, and Vanda (the four tentacles) shot out towards the robot. Vanda snapped like a whip, sending a fiery breeze towards Asgard01. Krukmar next, sending a shower of lightning and holy energy, with Oricoflagamus sending a tidal wave of dark energy and water across the narrow strait between the ruins of buildings. All the forces struck Asgard01 dead on, halting the robot to a dead stop. Matricaria snapped last, dealing a shock of earth and ice to the Asgard01, finally doing in the giant robot. Asgard01 exploded, demolishing the buildings and sending waves of Glaive Le Gable in all directions. Not even a single hit in. Nega Filgaia once again began to descend.

"Damnit! Irvin, Rudy's voice is moving!" Marivel shouted into the cell.

"Well we've sent out planes at it! What do you want us to do?!" Irvin shouted back.

"Something! Isn't there anything else you got!?" Marivel screamed.

"Missiles bounce off of it as if it were coated in some kind of anti-missile gel or something! What do you want besides that?" Irvin scowled.

"Anti-missile gel?" Marivel repeated the words. For some reason, they stuck in her blonde head. She then turned to Gallows. "Gallows! What's with all this blue junk?!"

"Wait! I know this one! Granny talked about this once!" Gallows closed his eyes so he could think. "…Ah! The blue junk is the master guardian, Glaive Le Gable, guardian of the origin! It resides at the core of Filgaia, but the laser must have let it come out!"

"I don't get it though! What does that have to do with Rudy's voice over there?" Jack shrugged.

"Glaive Le Gable is the guardian of origins which means… That it has the ability to create anything!" Gallows smiled like he just got an A on a report card.

"So you think that maybe, Rudy somehow encoded the laser so that when it struck Glaive Le Gable, Glaive Le Gable would create Nega Filgaia?" Marivel theorized.

"Wait… how do you encode a laser?" Lilka asked, confused.

"Leave out the technicalities! We need to know how to stop it!" Jack demanded.

"Right, so if Glaive Le Gable can create based on one's intentions…" Marivel thought.

"Then it should work for us, right?!" Gallows finished.

"No!" Lilka interrupted, tears in her eyes. "Who knows what will happen!? If we all go, and if something goes wrong, then all hope is lost!"

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, which was wet with the drizzling fog. "She has a point."

Marivel sighed and look to them. "But what choice do we have?"

"I'll go." Gallows answered. "And only me." He said very seriously.

"Gallows…" Lilka whispered.

"Why just you?" Jack asked.

"Because…" He looked to Marivel. "I don't want to see any of my good friends get hurt. If I don't make it, then you guys can try something else."

Jack shrugged. "O.K, if that's what you want to do, then I won't stop you. Just be sure to come back!"

Gallows smirked. "Sure will."

Lilka then leaped onto Gallows, almost making them both fall into the Glaive Le Gable. "Gallows! Don't!" She sobbed.

"I have to Lilka. It's part of being the super agent that I am! 001 and 002 never faced anything like this, so I'll be going down into the history books either way. You can say, 'yea! I knew him'."

Gallows slid Lilka off him and patted the top of her head as she tried to keep herself from crying any further. She nodded in agreement and Gallows looked to Marivel. A look of concern was in her eyes. Concern wasn't usually in her eyes. In fact, there was ever hardly ANY emotion in those crimson eyes. Gallows smiled. "Marivel, take care."

Gallows then began to step towards the edge. That Glaive Le Gable sure was blue, and deep. Marivel closed her eyes and shook her head. "LISTEN MORON!" Marivel shouted, frustration seething within her. Gallows turned to face her. "DON'T DIE OUT THERE! YOU AND ME, WE'RE WAR BUDDIES, EVER SINCE THAT BOAT RIDE, WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER! SO DON'T GO PLAY HERO AND GET YOURSELF KILLED!" Tears were forming at the corners of Marivel's eyes. Gallows stepped back from the ledge and gave Marivel a big hug. Without a word, he nodded and stepped over the edge into Glaive Le Gable…

** *

It was rather strange, Glaive Le Gable. Gallows had held his breath as he sank to the bottom, watching the stories of buildings and the ruins of other signs of civilization. The blue faded into darkness as he sank, and time went by. It was thicker then water, and Gallows sank slower. His breath ran out, and Gallows expected to drown within the body of a guardian. However, much to Gallows surprise, he could breathe the strange mixture. Destroyed windows led to destroyed offices, were destroyed people sat in destroyed cubicles. Objects of all kinds floated within, as Gallows could see from outside. Pencils, papers, paper clips, keyboards… all kinds of things. It was hard to believe that this ruin was actually once the thriving city of Jolly Roger this morning. A strange feeling ran through Gallows' veins. It was one of fear, and one of peace. The guardian of the origin had a very calm aura to it, yet it's destructive potential was very unsettling, as seen by this submerged Metropolis. It happened to be a while of such contemplating before Gallows feet finally reached something. He was standing on top of a highway, right before a truck, with it's lights still on. Cars were still on the highway, as if they were stuck in some kind of film and were paused. Very freaky.

"What do you want?" A feminine voice called out.

Gallows turned around to see a small girl, probably in her early teens, dressed in blue sitting atop the back of a car. He hair was a soft brown and her eyes were as blue as the Glaive Le Gable surrounding her.

Gallows was a bit surprised first. "W-who are you?"

"Who do I look like?" The girl asked, playing mind games. "I am she who gives birth to all, Glaive Le Gable."

"Your Glaive Le Gable?" Gallows asked. It was very strange that a guardian take on the persona of a little girl. Besides, Glaive Le Gable was just a bunch of blue liquid-y stuff, right?

"I am she, the origin of all. I am swayed be neither good nor darkness, light or evil. I am she who exists simply to exist. Glaive Le Gable am I."

She sure liked to make a lot of metaphorical nonsense, thought Gallows. "So, why'd you create Rudy's voice, Nega Filgaia?"

"From destruction comes a new. The origin is where everything comes from, including Nega Filgaia. I create." The girl replied.

"I can see you're a lot of help…" Gallows moaned. "Can you stop it?"

The brunette shook her head and smiled. "It is not my decision weather I destroy or not. I simply created the universe and wait for it to end. I am not what you call an active Guardian."

"I wouldn't even call you a guardian. Listen, do you think you could create something to combat it?" Gallows asked.

"I could create, but it would have no intentions. It would be existing simply because it could."

"So why does Nega Filgaia destroy?... Wait a minute! Rudy's laser must have beamed Rudy's intentions!" Gallows grinned. "So can I give my intentions to whatever you create?"

Glaive Le Gable smiled. "Your existence would be renewed as another. Your origins would be another. You would cease to be, and then be reborn…"

"You don't have to say it twenty times. If I do this though, I lose who I am and become someone else, but with my original intentions…"

"Exactly."

Gallows thought for a few minutes. He would lose himself, but then, if he didn't, everyone on Filgaia would soon join Jolly Roger. He wouldn't accept that! Not in a million years! "You know, before I took this crazy mission, I wouldn't do it and just continue being me, but ever since I've met my friends Lilka, Jack, …and Marivel… I've got to save them. Do what you need to Glaive Le Gable –God I hate saying that all the time!- Give me a way to defeat Nega Filgaia: Rudy's Voice!"

** *

"Where the hell is he?" Marivel kicked a rock off the roof top into the Glaive Le Gable. "He should have been back a long time ago!"

"Maybe he…" Jack took off his hat., allowing the rain to wet his long blonde hair.

Marivel instantly grabbed Jack by the collar. "Don't even think it!"

"LOOK!" Lilka shouted. Marivel dropped Jack and looked in the direction she was pointing. She narrowed her eyes, trying to make out the blurry object rising from the Glaive Le Gable.

"Gallows?" Marivel asked herself.

From the Glaive Le Gable rose a humanoid figure, draped his golden robes decorated with Baskar signs. It was a tall figure, with a large bronze helmet with a spine jutting from the forehead and curving so that it's tip was over the top of his head. The robes formed a large, brilliant cape, where ancient Baskar armor (resembling Aztec) shone magnificently, and into the tanned hand of the being was a shining sword made of golden fire. The face of the figure was draped in darkness, but two eyes of golden energy glowered from it. Like a beacon in a fog, the being with a tiny light in a gray fog sitting atop the ruins of Jolly Roger. Nega Filgaia roared in defiance of the light clad Gallows Carradine.

"Let's finish this!" Gallows roared and began flying at top speed towards the monstrous voice.

**Save Yourself – Stabbing Westward**

~ know your life is empty

And you hate to face this world alone

So you're searching for an angel

Someone who can make you whole

I can not save you

I can't even save myself

So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged

Your soul has suffered such abuse

But I am not your savior

I am just as fucked as you

I am just as fucked as you

I can not save you

I can't even save myself

So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me

Please don't take pity on me

Please don't take pity on me

Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare

My soul is fractured to the bone

And if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone

I think I'd rather be alone

You can not save me

You can't even save yourself

I can not save you

I can't even save myself

Save yourself

So just save yourself~

            Gallows clashed head on with Krukmer, tearing the tentacle to bit with little effort. The three other tentacles snapped forward, knocking Gallows around with whip like stings. Each element the three possessed was blown into the physical realm, demolishing sky scrapers and infuriating Carradine even more. With one hand, he grasped Vanda and tore it into two pieces, and with the sword, he slashed through Matriacria in a clean arc. Oricoflagmus snapped forward, knocking Gallows into the rain a few yards back, but not before Gallows caught hold of the whip like end. Using his new superior strength, Gallows dug into the scale like flesh, ripping the tendril apart and letting the pieces fall to Glaive Le Gable.

"It's Just you an me Rudy!" Gallows roared.

Nega Filgaia bellowed back and the several eyes all flickered. The area was growing rather tense. Literally. The city exploded into a void of darkness: Seyfert Microcosm. Gallows could feel the pressure increasing as buildings imploded on themselves. Nega Filgaia would laugh if it had the ability. The pressure was just too immense. Gallows was forced to the top of a crumbling building, where the weight was being brought down upon him like a giant weight. His arms bulging, Gallows pushed himself up, feeling bones breaking. The blazing eye caught sight of Rudy's Voice. Gallows launched himself at Nega Filgaia with the last of his strength, pushing the sword into one of the massive eyes. The void was instantly destroyed, and the two titans were once again in the flooded Jolly Roger. Gallows slashed his way into the beast, diving deeper into Nega Filgaia. With sheer brilliance, the light tore through the darkness, emerging in the drizzle. Nega Filgaia bellowed a sorrowful cry as it collapsed on itself, its internal structure completely decimated.

Gallows collapsed right before Marivel on the corner of the building, breathing what could be his last breaths. Marivel instantly knelt down to see to him, as Lilka and Jack stood over.

"Gallows! Is that you?! Oh Gallows!" Marivel, for the first time, actually cared about someone, and seeing him dying was hard. Very hard.

"Did I.. get him?" Gallows asked as he coughed up blood.

"You sure did…" Jack managed a fake smile as Lilka burst into tears.

"Don't Gallows! Don't you die!" Marivel sobbed.

Gallows face appeared through the darkness of the helmet, green eyes restored where blazing gold once was. He smiled. "Heh. Didn't know you cared that much, Marivel?"

"Well I do you idiot!" Marivel cried. "I do! I'm sorry for all the things I said to you since we met! I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. That's your charm… sort of…" Gallows coughed again. "Marivel…"

Marivel took the hand of the golden warrior in her own, her tears falling upon his ankles as his helmet fell to the concrete ground once more, eyes not looking back.

Jack shook his head and sniffed as Lilka balled her eyes out. Marivel silently wept. Jack looked up from the ground after a minute of silence, something catching his eye. He raised a hand over his eyes to try and make it out. The remains of Nega Filgaia were glowing! Jack reached for a gun, not that it would help, but then noticed that it was dissolving. The Glaive Le Gable began to glow a wonderful green in the approaching nightfall as well. The drizzle stopped and both Nega Filgaia and Glaive Le Gable began rising into the air as trails of glowing water. Jack stood breathless as the city began to appear again as the trails weaved and turned amongst each other, all returning out into the desert, presumably to the crater from whence it came.

Gallows' body began to glow as well and Marivel stepped back, as Lilka and Jack watched. The golden draped figure became a glowing silhouette and began to rise into the air as tiny trails. Marivel stepped forward, calling out to the trial's trying to catch them, but was to no avail. However, a dark, worn out body lied on the ground after the beautiful trails had gone. The agents rushed towards it, inspecting it. It was Gallows as himself, and he was alive!

"GALLOWS!" Marivel embraced the figure, waking Gallows up. Lilka leaped up and down with joy and Jack smiled the biggest smile a man could possibly have.

"Through destruction, creation forms…" Gallows uttered. The words Glaive Le Gable had said to him now made sense… somehow.

The sound of an approaching helicopter was heard as the four agents- no, friends- united once more…


	25. Nightfire

**XXV: Nightfire**

**_One month later… (Cus you know, these things never happen right after! Duh!)_**

****

Suited men and women of all types stepped out of the way for Gallows Carradine as he walked the red-carpeted path to his boss's office. He passed the many migrant symbols on the stonewalls and smiled to every women along the way. His tux was in perfect fit, but it didn't seem to help his charm, for all of the women simply adored him for his character. Being a secret agent was harder than he thought. He reached a large wooden door and opened it, throwing his exquisite coat to the rack in the corner of the room.

"Hello Ginny!" Gallows happily greeted the secretary.

Virginia sighed as she typed and then looked to Gallows. "Oh hey 003. They're expecting you inside."

Gallows raised an eyebrow. Already? He had just recovered from his wounds from the last crazy mission! He shrugged it off, as was the smart thing to do, but one thing was still bothering him. "Are you still shrugging over 002 Jet Enduro?"

Ginny reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a newspaper article. "Even if he's on trial for treason and is most likely going to be given the death penalty, he's so bishy (bishounen, that is!)…" Ginny sighed once more while she gazed across the newspaper.

Gallows shrugged again. Some women were just nuts. He opened the door and walked in, strutting his stuff like he just saved the world. Oh wait, he did. Sitting before him in three separate desks were Irvin, Maya, and Emma, who glowered at each other.

Gallows sat himself in a chair, but was surprised to find that there were four now, and not just one. Alfred came by, as usual, and offered the alcoholic beverage of choice as the leaders cleared their throats.

"Mr. Carradine, since the success of your last mission was so splendiferous, we decided to give you another one!" Emma started.

"Hey! Who gave you permission to speak!" Maya shouted. "Herumph! You are to track down ex-P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents Liz and Ard through the Baskar Jungle and bring them to trial at once!"

Maya was interrupted when Irvin somehow managed to throw his chair at the woman, shutting her up. "I'm in charge God Damnit! Carradine, you'll be teaming up for this mission, so allow me to introduce your new team mates!"

The door behind Gallows opened and in ran Lilka who immediately grabbed Gallows in a hug. "It's me! Lilka! I've got my penguin suit ready and everything!"

Behind her walked in Jack, who practically had to pry the ladies off him with a crowbar. He fixed his bow tie (For now he had a tux) and sat down beside Gallows, grinning. "You know, I'm the most popular thing with the ladies since they invented tampons!"

Jack was smacked across the head with an iron frying pan, which meant only one thing. Gallows stood up out of his chair to see Marivel standing there. She smirked and looked to Gallows. "Well top agent 003! You ready?"

Gallows smiled back and grabbed Marivel by the waist, placing his drink on the chair. "I'm always ready for any case!"

COOL AND SUAVE! Suddenly, the Cliffside outside the window exploded to some jazzy music. AWWW YEA!

**THE END!**

**OR IS IT?!**

**IT PROBABLY IS…**

**OR IS IT?! BUM BUM BUM!**

**THE END…?**


End file.
